A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. My issue is that my boyfriends mother hates me and he wont tell her how she is affacting our relation ship only that she has been stressing us out. When in all reality she has been making him wonder if we shouldnt even be together. Along with the countless things she has said about me and he wont say a thing. Please help me know what i should do when i cant even talk to his mother unless i just want to make everything worse and he wont just tell her what and how she has been affecting us. I just love him and am so confused on what to do. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 There is nothing much you can do when your future MIL hates you and your b/f is a mother's child.
He won't stand up for you and support you but is on his mother's side.
Anything you said or do will be viewed in a twisted and negative way.
Nothing you do or said will be right with her. The best you can do is try to understand why she is like that. Don't provide her more ammunition's to fire back at you .
If you are not planning to live together after marriage, then the relationship may have a chance as you will be marrying your b/f and not his mother.
If you are going to stay with your future MIL, then it will be like hell. You will have to decide whether to give up your b/f because he comes with that baggage.
If your love for each other is strong , you maybe able to overcome this hurdle but he has to grow up quickly for your sanity to be intact.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 February 2010):
Unless he tells you what the problem is, and unless he stands up for you, this relationship won't go much further without you feeling very unhappy and resentful. He's your boyfriend and he should be at least standing up for you.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (16 February 2010):
You need to give more detail; why does she hate you? What exactly has she said to you to indicate this? Does he live with her? What has he said about this? Is his father in the picture?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): If you and your boyfriend know that you are not giving his mom any reason to behave like this and she's the one with the problem, then your boyfriend needs to step up to the plate for you. HE needs to be the one to tell his mom that she is out of line and needs to cool it. Some guys are scared to step on their mom's toes and if he is one of these guys, you two will continue to have issues. He can kindly/gently tell her that her attitude or comments or whatever are hurting his relationship and she needs to get over whatever is bothering her. He CAN do this if he wants to. He needs to understand that standing up for himself and you, is NOT being disrespectful to her. What she is doing is disrespectful. The sooner he does this the better things should be for you both. Hope this helps!
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