A
male
age
30-35,
*ndy00
writes:Hello everyone.Last time I messaged, I sounded like I was really making progress in healing my heart. The last thing I needed was a step in the wrong direction, and I think it may have just happened at the end of a night that was going very nicely.I'd been out drinking with friends, we had a lovely night, and then when I came home, I checked my e-mails and Facebook. While on facebook, I discovered I have recieved a friend request from a guy who very nearly went out with my ex, soon after we broke up. Instead of simply rejecting it, I have asked why he wants to add me as a friend. Since he lives up where my ex used to live (240 miles from me), there's a lot of doubt that I will ever see him, so there doesn't seem to be much need for it.To send the message, I had to click on his profile, and that read that he is now "In a relationship", so as you can probably guess, I'm connecting a few things together, when maybe I shouldn't.What possible reason could he have for wanting to add me as a friend?? We never spoke when I was with my girlfriend, so why the hell would I want to talk to him when she may now be HIS girlfriend?Please, somebody give me some advice. I have done so well for the past week or so, and now this I think is sending me back several steps. Please, what should I do?
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (3 December 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi. Just wanted to say I've been very stupid. It turns out that guy isn't the potential boyfriend. He meerly looks a little like him and they both have the same name. Stupid mistake. I get on ok with that guy, infact he has helped me through some difficult times over the past 6 months, so I have no problem adding him as a friend.
Still, stupid mistake. Thanks for your help, and sorry if you feel I wasted your time in any way.
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (30 November 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks, Tom and Richard. Yes, perhapps I am looking too much into it, but it just seems suspicious how he is in a relationship now, whenever not so long ago, he was interested in picking my ex up after I was taken out of the picture.
I hope she has not started going out with him, because she even admitted to me back when I wasn't avoiding her that things with him were "different" and "weird". He could never love her as much as I could, so why should she settle for 2nd best? I say.
Fortunately, I must be showing signs that I've gotten stronger, because I haven't thought about this for a lot of the day, though admittedly, I was anxious to check for a response, but to no avail just yet.
Still, I'll keep you posted, and if anybody else can offer me some guidance, I'd appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): I think you have every right to be suspicious. If it's making you upset, don't add the guy! But on the other hand I can't understand why if he's dating your ex he'd want you in he picture. So quite possibly its someone else? Or maybe he's looking to see if you mention anything about her on your facebook page.
If I were in your shoes I'd want to know what was going on, berhaps add the git and then round house kick in with superpoke and send him shit with the gross out application. I would do stuff like that, but then again I'm evil!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): Would you like to be friends with your partners potential ex? If you saw him on the street would you said hello? You have done so well not knowing or having any contact with your ex and this has put you in a situation that you are not comfortable with. Many people on facebook just add freinds if they 'know them' or no OF them and this may be the case for him. However, be a little selfish here and think of your self. If the 'in a relationship' means that he is in a relationship with your ex. Then if you except him as a friends you will see more home truths on his profile and possibly images of the two of them which will not help your current situation. I would say do not except the friend request as to you he aint really a friend and you dont need to re open old wounds. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (30 November 2007):
 Hey Andy, you have just demonstated why the best policy is "no contact." As soon as you learn any piece of information it sets your mind off and puts your emotions back.
You are as you say, 'connecting a few things.' Probably wrongly. But your mind has got straight back into gear and started speculating about your ex. It does you no good. Worse, it does you harm.
Don't worry, similar things happened to me and I did the same as you. Most of it, I concluded is "distorted or faulty thinking."
But most importantly, it is completely irrelevant to your future. Your future.
So - don't add him as a friend. You might have to be impolite. Doesn't matter this time. Sometimes you have you be. Justify it however you need to. And take the opportunity to stop any other news of your ex filtering through. Think of them as barriers that you putting up behind you, while all the time you are moving forwrd. Eventually there will come a time when you are given an "ex reminder" and it's on your mind for a minute only and no pain.
Keep going, getting stronger and looking to your future.
Richard
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A
male
reader, TomWilkinson +, writes (30 November 2007):
 I think you're loooking into this way more than you should. Some people just add as many people as they know, even if they've barely spoke and only know them through other people. Remember you don't have to accept!
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