A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:[Moderator note: some spelling errors corrected, paragraphs added for easier reading]So to start off my question I'd like to say that I was drugged and raped by two guys a couple of years back. But My question is that the last thing I remember Is blonde chicks and porn on the t.v. Now whenever I see porn (especially blondes) it makes me feel really upset or angry... I also have a boyfriend of a year and a half and he knows the situation except the porn thing. Most of the time I don't really have a problem with my boyfriend watching porn as long as1) I don't see it or find it.2) he doesn't talk to me about it.Now don't get me wrong at times I can look at porn myself or with him but eventually I start to feel disgusting or insecure and get really upset and sometimes I cant even have sex for a couple days. Sometimes I'm completely shut off from that kind of affection or don't even want to think about it, I've actually had encounters where I've basically dumped my boyfriend and got into some vicious fights with him... At times it makes me feel like I'm numb.It hurts me, It hurts my boyfriend, and I was wondering more or less hoping that maybe the fact that I've been raped has anything to do with my insecurity about porn and is there anything I can do to compromise these feelings and insecurities have that come along with seeing or even hearing about porn?HELP me please!!! I love my boyfriend and I feel like I'm going to eventually lose him because of my insecurities. please.
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female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (5 November 2009):
 Please don't take the easy way out here, you have to think long term, regardless whether you stay with this guy for ever these issues need addressing, in order to help you come to terms with certain things and to make the person you are with understand why you are are a certain way these things should not be put to the back of your head and forgotten about, because experience tells me they have a nasty habit of resurfacing when your least expecting it.
If you cant talk to him for now, go speak with a counsellor and she/he will help you to break down that barrier,so in time you can talk to him, because it is important he knows what you have went through and what you experienced.
Yes it may change his perception to certain things but to me that is a good thing not bad!
Good Luck.
Gina
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Hi there,
I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you...
I can relate to you cause I was molested by someone 19 years ago. I kept it quiet for all that time and my life since then was very rocky! I can understand why you are finding it difficult with the porn thing...I do aswell...
It's our self esteem that has been damaged here...and for someone to do something like that to you really dents your self worth..and you also think everything else is better than you and porn is seedy and dirty...
I think you should go and chat to a counselor about this, come to terms with what happened and to try and move on with your life as best you can...
Feel free to email me anytime...I'll always try and help.
Take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the help everyone. It made things a lot easier for me to understand. I've tried to picture myself talking to my boyfriend about it but I'm just too scared. I feel like it would be the easy way out to just dismiss the porn and keep fighting it the way I am rather than to face my boyfriend and tell him whats going on. My boyfriend is kind of impressionable and I don't want his views of porn to be just as tainted as mine, I love him and if he enjoys porn I really have this feeling that he would be unhappy after I tell him because he'd take it into this big thing and quit watching porn altogether which would hurt me more because I want him to do whatever he pleases.
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A
female
reader, marieclaire  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 you need to tell him. i'm sure he'll understand. this is important to you and so it should be important to him. i also hope you've had counselling to deal with your trauma. xxx
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
Be open and honest with him, also i would ask him to support you in getting help from a trained therapist in rape counselling, if this is something you have never done i would urge you to do so now, rape victims are taking through slow steps to help them recover from their ordeals, and flashbacks are all too hurtful to recall, so it is important that you receive the help to able you to cope with this, look on the net today for a therapist that counsel rape victims, and take that first step to recovery, i wish you well.
Gina
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): honey i would talk to him. communication with a partner is a must because unfortunately people can't read minds. i'm sure he loves you very much and wants to help you in any way he possible can. I would even talk to a counselor, a real counselor who you are comfortable talking to.
post traumatic stress disorder can be a serious condition. if you can improve with therapy alone do so. i don't believe in medication unless it's absolutely necessary.
the subconscious mind takes everything at face value. example.. you could meet someone at some point in your life, and they might give you a creepy feeling, or even if not you might not get along with this person. even if you don't remember what they look like, they could really resemble the people who attacked you. the same with the porn situation, especially since you say the blondes get to you.
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A
male
reader, itonlygetsbetter +, writes (4 November 2009):
Its not your fault. Thats a horrible thing to go through which no one should have to deal with. If I were you the best thing you could do is lay everything on the table for him and tell him about the porn issue its not fair to you or him and might just end in a breakup because he said or did the wrong thing because he didnt know it botherd you. Porn can be extra graphic and dominating at times and seeing those things could definintly bring back old memories. I would try to stay away from porn if you can. If not you could always try watching it with him its a give and take, with your bf being there it might be easier for you to deal with.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
He REALLY needs to know why it bothers you; otherwise, he's going to assume you're just overreacting about nothing. Tell him everything: what bothers you, how it bothers you, what doesn't bother you, and why it bothers you. I don't think it's even necessarily an insecurity issue but maybe some form of post traumatic stress disorder from what was on during that time.
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