A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm a married woman (almost 3 years). I've become pretty close with a man I used to commute to work with. He lives with his longtime girlfriend and their 3 kids. Over time, we got to know each other pretty well - so much so that we began to out for lunch together -- once, twice then practically everyday of the week. We thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. Our chats slowly turned into flirting, then about 3 weeks ago, we started to really talk about how we feel about each other and admitted that the chemistry between us was off the chart. Last week, we took a day off work and spent it together. We had breakfast at a restaurant then settled in a nice hotel room for a passionate interlude. I hadn't felt this alive in all my life. Even with my own husband. This was meant as the beginning of an affair and we knew it.Then this morning, he tells me that his "wife" found out about us when she snooped through his Yahoo account and saw the email exchanges between us. Our cover was blown. They've been having major issues for over 15 years and this was the turning point for their relationship: do or die. In the end, they decided to give it another go (3 kids at stake, one with autism). So he dropped that bomb on me this morning. Although it breaks my heart -I am slowly falling in love with this man- I have to respect his wished, not so much out of respect for his wife (who's a cheat) but for his children. Had it not been for his meddling wife, we would have most certainly gone on with the affair. As for my own relationship with my husband, it's also on the skids. It's been 'off' since the very beginning.After that, my now ex-lover asks me if I still want to go for some lunch with him tomorrow, that we can return to the friendship we had BEFORE the passion erupted...WTF?? The rational side of me says Hell No, Run for the Hills but the emotional side, the one that still wants to see him says YES.I figure maybe because we weren't deep into the relationship yet, maybe it wont be so hard to get over this and I'll just bounce back? ShouldI just sever ties with him? Is he asking too much of me by trying the "let's be friends' thing?I never imagined losing him would hurt this much. I feel like a love-sick kid!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 September 2008):
 Tell him forget the friends thing. You didn't lose him, you never HAD him to begin with. Now you need to figure out your own marriage which obviously is not providing you with much happiness. Have a nice long conversation with your husband and see what you guys need to do. Sounds like you never even loved your husband.
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