A
male
age
30-35,
*averboyyy
writes:It goes like that.. I have always been hearing rumors about my girlfriend being a slut and having sex with her 3 year ex. I did asked her in the start and she claimed to be a virgin, and of course I trusted her. Well, talking about the 3 year ex comparing to our 3months, I'm always jealous and have doubts about her virginity. But still I choose to believe she is one. I been keeping my virginity for the right girl, and thinking she was also like me, I lost my virginity to her during our first month. Till.. recently, I found out the truth and she admitted she been lying to me about her virginity ever since the start of the relationship. Well, it took quite some time for me to get over the fact she has been lying. Her reason for lying was because she thought I would leave her after knowing the truth. Well, it was difficult for me to accept the ugly truth but I love her so I forgive her. She did came clean with me and told me her sexual history with her ex. She had sex over a hundred times with her ex. Which also clarify the doubt I had of her having a loose vagina. I never once felt it once tight.It hurts really badly knowing this. But now whats actually haunting me is that the image of her sexual life in the past. Every time when we are having sex, images of them having sex would appear and it really sucks a lot. I would be so affected that I'm always not able to concentrate on our sex. So I feel I am having sex for the sake of sex drive, not romance anymore. Sometimes I felt like I'm her ex instead of me..It feels like I am always behind her ex. I don't feel special or important like I did before the knowing the truth, I felt like I am and will always be second in her life. She also told me she used to love him a lot, and despite those physical abuses, she still held on to the relationship. I felt I been used just to help her get over her ex. Thou she claims to be very happy to be with me and love me a lot. I'm quite sure she doesn't cherish this relationship like how much she did for her ex. Frankly speaking, I'm rather jealous of her ex, not because he is better than me, is because he had to have her first.I really want to accept her and last long with her. But why is all these haunting me especially those images when we are having sex? Any ways to get over them? I want to feel special again.. how can I?
View related questions:
her ex, jealous, lost my virginity, sex drive, sexual past, vagina Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): She stole your virginity using deception. I wonder why you haven't kicked her sorry ass to the curb.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 You said you forgave her, but apparently you did not.
Not that you were obliged to forgive her . In fact, if you highly value virginity and sincerity, then we have two big dealbreakers : she was not a virgin, and she lied to you. ( Yes, I am not dismissing the importance of her lie ). And with two dealbreakers like that, I wonder why you chose to stay with her.
But, you did chose to stay with her- and now you can't keep tormenting her and resenting her for her PAST mistakes.
You have to find the way to snap out of your obsessive thoughts- or leave her, right now. It's useless, and ultimately coward and cruel, continuing a relationship with a woman that you do not respect, and using a body that you feel like tainted and impure.
How do you snap out of it ? I know it's tough, it may even take a lot of counseling to get you off this mental loop. But in the meantime, a bit of objective , rational thinking may help.
What makes us suffer are not certain things in herself, but our perception of them. And your perception is skewed on at least two things :
you define her a slut for having had ONE lover. So every woman who's had sex once is a slut ? Are you sure about that ? Totally, absolutely positive ? Then, what are you doing with a slut ? what does this say about YOUR moral values, your integrity, your coherence ?... Sluts are bad- but not so bad if they put out also for you ?...
Secong thing, and this frankly made me laugh, is your idea that her vagina is loose because she had sex about 100 times. That REALLY comes from you being misinformed. Vaginal muscles ( particularly young vaginas ! ) are incredibly resilient, strong and elastic, no way that 100 copulations may have caused such a major wear and tear. Otherwise , at the first kid a woman has, she would reduced to a huge, gaping abyss...and luckily this is not the case.
If you feel she is not tight enough, either you have an unrealistic idea of what the sensation should be ( no, it's not an iron grip, it's not even as tight a grip as when you masturbate ), or ...the way you two are built down there is not the best possible match.
If these thoughts aren't of any help to you ( quite possible ) - so be it, but then please stop right now ....spitting in the plate where you eat, if you know what I mean.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): This is not an issue about the importance of virginity and sexual histories. Don't get sucked into that discussion because it is sidestepping the real issue you should be focusing on. This about her lying to you about something that she knew was very important to you and had big potential consequences. She exposed you to STI risks without telling you. She has put you into a position that you did not want to be in against your will. Now the only options for you are painful no matter what you do. What she did was wrong. This is entirely her fault and not your fault at all. When she lied to you about her past, she forfeited the right to expect you to accept it. I suggest you break up with her. Not because she was not a virgin but because she lied to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): She lied about her virginity because she knew you'd react this way and she didn't want to lose you. She wants to be with you or else she wouldn't put up with you being so doubtful about every little thing in your relationship.
She isn't still having sex with her ex. She is having sex with you.
Having sex 100 times with someone he's in a committed relationship with doesn't make her a slut. After all, aren't you having sex with her in a committed relationship? Does that make you a man whore? Furthermore, 100 times of having sex doesn't give someone a loose vagina. You're imagining things. Vaginas come in all sizes, and perhaps hers is just wider.
You are over-reacting, expecting your girlfriend to be perfect. She's committed to you, or else she would have left you for being so upset about whether or not she's still in love with her ex (she isn't, or she'd be with him!)
...............................
|
