A
male
age
30-35,
*ndy00
writes:Hi. I asked this question recently, but I received only one answer, when I'd hoped for more: Contact with my ex appears to be cut, as I wanted... But now I'm having doubts that I'm doing the right thing. What do you think?If you don't know of mine and my ex's history, here's the jist:Long distance relationshipLasted 2 YearsWas completely heartbroken when she ended it (she was going to uni, and that would have been too much on our relationship) (I recently accepted this to be true)We have been separated for just over 9 months.She's said before that she would like us to be friends, and I would like that as well, but every time I've tried, my old feelings of love have come back it's hurt me that hers seem to have fizzled out entirely, leaving only feelings of friendship (great :( ).Last time we had a proper conversation I told her I wanted to cut contact for a bit, giving me a chance to get over her, at which point she said that she wanted to give up trying. She then continued a small rant where she talked about how losing me as a friend would add to everything else that had happened in her life recently; her dad died before christmas, her uncle died late last month, and she was struggling to cope with university work. So from there I said I would continue contact in some way.Anyway, 2 weeks after that conversation, I text her, from there we text back and forth and things seemed fine... But that was nearly 3 weeks ago. I've said nothing and I have heard nothing since... And for whatever STUPID, STUPID reason; it's bothering me.I think I know that in not contacting her, I'm doing the right thing. But there is a side for me that still has a lot of warm feelings for her that make me think; perhaps losing contact would be a bad thing (especially after everything we had before).What do you think? Please, can you offer me some sort of perspective?
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christmas, heartbroken, my ex, text, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): I wouldn’t take it too personally - maybe she had exams and was studying and didn’t want any interruptions? I think to try and be friends straight away after coming out of a relationship – it doesn’t work. You both need time to move on and forget about those feelings that you once had for one and other. Maybe send her an email and ask her if everything is ok since she didn’t reply back to your texts that you sent her?
I know how you are feeling tho as I recently broke up with my boyf for a very stupid reason 2 weeks ago and regret it so so so much now. We had a chat about everything last week and he suggested that we take a break but I’m just afraid that things will have changed for the worst after that and he won’t want to get back with me!! I’m trying to give him the space/break that he asked for but it is so hard!
I’m sure everything will be ok with you, just don’t bombard her with too many texts/emails/calls or she will feel smothered by it all... I also hope that you aren't getting your hopes up either when she responds?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): Hi Hunny
You were getting really down when you were in contact as it upset you that she just wanted to be friends love, It was adding to the pain of the breakup. She wanted to continue with the friendship but you found this very hard..Now you have had no contact your mind is working overtime as to why and your getting frustrated, Its so hard when a break up happens you go through a grieving period..What you have to do is think if you want to have her as a friend or not hunny its one way or another as she has moved on by the sounds of things, She did sound hurt when you said she wanted to remain friends and you felt you couldnt, which on your part is understandable, But this is probably why you havent heard anything sweetheart. There is alot if feelings going around with both of you and it would be great if you could come to an understanding but you still love her so that will stand in the way hunny, No one can tell you what to do or how to go about this other than to say in your heart you need to grieve and move on sweetheart then you may be able to become friends....Ill send you a link that may ofer some support and help hunny....
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm
I hope this helps TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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