A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone i am really upset my partner of three years has walked out on me. he says the spark from our relationship has gone and he doesn't love me anymore. we have a five month daughter who is recovering from meningitis, i had a difficult pregnancy losing her twin at 20 weeks gestation. my partner also had stress from a job he hated. and the usual family worries of money. recently i went to the doctors with severe stomach pain and i have been informed by the docs that i have premature infertility, realistically if i wanted more children (which i do) i would have difficulties conceiving and should start earlier rather than later.i can not believe he has walked out at such a hard time. with all the stress going on i have lost all my sexual drive and my partner was getting very frustrated with me. i believe losing the spark may be normal with all the stress going on. he is coming round tonight to talk to me and discuss our relationship. i really don't want him to leave i need some advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone for you answers you've all been really nice. my mum is coming to pick my daughter up in about an hour so we will be able to talk properly without distractions.
our relationship has always been complicated by the fact hes a little immature (hes 21) but in the last year a lot of horrible things have happened.
we did not get counselling about her twin and my family and partners opinions were just to be grateful that my daughter survived and is now getting healthy.
i don't want to push him away and am worried that he has made his mind up.
he dumped me via text message on saturday, he admitted to creating arguments because he didn't want to tell me that he felt the spark had gone and that he wasn't in love with me anymore. apparently he has thought this for weeks but never told me.
it came as a shock because i believed he was happy. he spoke about getting married and having more children. he seemed supportive with everything going on. i don't understand what happened.
do you think once a spark has gone it can come back? i am still in love with him.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): I agree with what the others are saying; be honest and open with him but dont get desperate and needy.Whether your partner is being selfish or not is neither here nor there, he's gone and he has a right to leave if he is not happy. Also, throwing mud at each other, blaming and pointing the finger is the last thing that you need to do and will do nothing to help him want to stay. You do, however, need to be honest, but do try and be calm and dignified too. Remember the woman he fell in love with. a lot has happened, I do feel for you but it's true, you need to listen to how he feels as well. You may be infertile? At least you have one, I'm 38 and have infertiltiy, I never have had kids and may never will. That might be an issue as to why he left; he may want more kids and I'm sorry, but that is his right. Also, no sex is really tough for some people. I wouldnt stick around. Good luck, I hope you guys have a good chat later x
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Have you been offered the chance to talk through the loss of the twin? You have gone through and still are going through tough times right now, and i think it would do well to start talking about it and come to term with it as well.I agree with the anonymous poster, ask him for help, sounds like you need it from him. If he does still love and care for you, i'm sure he'll be willing to help you out. Try and see if you can get baby to sleep before he comes round tonight, will leave you to think clearly when he is there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Oh, you poor thing. It sounds like you've had more than enough stress lately. No wonder you're struggling to cope! Your partner sounds like he's being a bit selfish to be honest. Not to mention very immature. He's putting his sex drive before everything else, including his family. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but if he was willing to become a father, he should have been ready to cope with all of the difficulties and stress attendant on being a parent. It isn't a bed of roses - for anyone! Putting up with sleepless nights, less sex, and extra stress is part of the deal. He doesn't get to decide, after bringing a new life into the world, that this 'just isn't for him'. Frankly, if I were your elder sister, I would give him a well deserved kicking! I understand that you're frightened of losing this guy. You love him, and your life together. However, I'm not sure that he's really the prize you're cracking him up to be, and I think you should consider very carefully whether, in the long term, you really want your kids growing up around such an unreliable and moody father. However, if you do decide you want him around, I think that you need to tell him that you need help. If he really cared about you, he'd look at the situation and realize that your loss of libido is pretty much an inevitable result of the situation that you're in. You're suffering badly from too much stress from too many sources. If he wants to have more sex, he'd better get to work reducing your burden, and ensuring that you're not dog tired, emotionally low, and struggling to cope! Maybe the two of you can work out some jobs he can take off you, to make your life easier, or a fairer division of labour that will allow you time to yourself. This might involve going through the household accounts and making some tough decisions. For example, is it more important for him to own that new blu-ray disc, or that new xbox game, or for the two of you to be able to go out alone, without the kids, on the occasional evening, so that you still have 'couple time'?I wish you the best of luck -I hope it goes well tonight.
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A
female
reader, Gherkinsaregrim  +, writes (18 May 2011):
Best tip is not to sound needy or desperate as that will make him push you away more
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