A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this question is for women and men, would it bother you if your partner only thought about you briefly or sometimes not at all during masturbation at the start of a relationship? For some reason it bothers me, I would wonder why they hardly thought of me like I haven't made an impact or something. What are your views? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (28 May 2012):
 I don't think most people are really putting a lot of effort into controlling their thoughts during masturbation. People's minds just wander. A lot of times when people fantasize about sex they are thinking of them like in a dream. Someone is there but it's not necessarily a specific person. You can't spend a lot of time worrying about what people are thinking in their heads, you will drive yourself crazy.
It would be a different situation if the guy was thinking of/looking at an ex, looking at photos of people he knew, or continuously thinking of one or two people.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 May 2012):
 I find it odd that someone would think of me while masturbating, but each to their own. Not that I haven't been used as fodder for the brain, but that is usually taken as an insult... when it's from guys you barely know, lol. As for boyfriends not thinking of me or thinking of me when masturbating.. I honestly don't care. What they do to get themselves off is a private matter. This probably is because I myself never used to think about a boyfriend, or a real life man I actually know, when masturbating. It just wasn't going to get me there. It didn't work. Maybe they weren't sexy enough. But more likely it is because I feel so bare, so open, so vulnerable, when I masturbate. It is something so personal and private to me, that thinking of a real life person makes me feel exposed. It's like imagining they are there with me, and I couldn't masturbate with someone else in the room, or in front of them. The only time I actually have thought of a boyfriend of mine was the last boyfriend I had. He was a tiger in bed, and I was crazy about him. I also built up a lot of trust with him, sexually. I could masturbate in front of him, with him, and occasionally during sex with him. But that doesn't mean I thought of him every time I masturbated! In order to "get there" I had to close my eyes and imagine something quite different from him and me. If he went down on me I had to think about something else as well in order to enjoy it. That said, I don't come easily. I need to masturbate in order to get there. Maybe it sounds horrible, but it isn't really that bad. It's more like a matter-of-fact thing. Thinking of a real life person, and even thinking of myself, isn't what works to get me off. It works wonders to make me horny, it makes sex great, and I love my partners. I also think I look hot myself, so it's not that. But if I want to have an orgasm I need to think about something completely different. This does not mean I don't find my partner attractive or fulfilling. This same man that I've talked about now, he thought of me while masturbating. I thought it was a bore. I mean, cute, sure. But since that doesn't work for me I don't understand how it works for others, and it doesn't excite me. Don't get me wrong, I respect that that was his preferred fantasy, but I was hoping for something more juicy that I could use myself next time I was masturbating.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 May 2012):
 I'm most curious to learn how YOU know what your PARTNER is thinking about when he/she masturbates.......
After all, if you say "Well, he/she told me so...." that's 'way too vague, since he/she could be thinking about ANYTHING whilest masturbating... and how would you know otherwise?????
P.S. When I masturbate, I think about eating a large bowl of warm chocolate pudding with whipped cream on top!
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A
male
reader, crazydirtyred +, writes (28 May 2012):
You shouldn't worry about who or what he thinks when he masturbates, especially at the start of the relationship. If he falls in love with you I'm pretty he will think about you, at least every once in a while. In a relationship we're allowed to have fantasies, we just have to trust each other enough not to ever let them come true. Let him think of whatever and let him use his imagination, fantasy from reality are two different things, are you are his reality. Although if he's thinking about another while having sex with you, which you wouldn't know unless he told you, then that might be a bit of a problem.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 May 2012):
 It is VERY normal to think of others when masturbation, maybe not EVERY time but really, it is pretty normal.
Could be you had just seen a movie with some "hot" actor in it and HE/SHE pops into your head. It doesn't mean to "think" you are having sex with that person or that you in fact WANT to have sex with them, it just means you borrowed their image for a few minutes.
Some doesn't even HAVE a specific person in mind. It might start out with the BF/GF/Wife/Husband but morph.
I think you are making a bigger deal out of this.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (28 May 2012):
 Being insecure isn't an attractive trait when it comes to "girlfriend material". Do you really want your partner to describe you as insecure to their family? The real problem is that you're not confident in your place in the relationship, and you're not self-confident in yourself. It has nothing to do with masturbation, the REAL issue you need to work on is WHY you're so insecure.
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