A
female
age
30-35,
*emonyliz
writes:My boyfriend's ex fiance was a photographer. They broke up over two years ago, after being together for seven years. Now, we have only been together a few months, but I gradually came to the realization that he still has some of her pieces hanging in his apartment, and even has an image of her, that is still out. the one of her is kind of hidden in this little nook, so it's not very noticeable, but still very much there and very much of her. I am not sure how many are actually her pieces, and how many are done by other people/friends, but I am fairly certain that at least a few are by her. I know that they had a very messy relationship that ended because she cheated on him, and he has said that he is over her and that he has no desire to ever see her/be with her again, but I can't help but find it weird that he still has her artwork on his walls. They are artistic images, and only one is of her (and like i said it is small and somewhat hidden), and they are very much catered to his taste, etc. but it concerns me and makes me wonder if there isn't a part of him that still misses her or assumes that they will eventually get back together (even though it's been over 2 years since they broke up)Is he still not over her, or is art just art?
View related questions:
broke up, fiance, get back together, no desire Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (8 April 2011):
We are glad to have helped and we're happy to see you could solve this :) thank for letting us know
A
female
reader, lemonyliz +, writes (8 April 2011):
lemonyliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI brought it up to him, finally, after some odd behavior by him, and he told me that none of the pieces in his apartment were taken by her, and that the one picture of her, that was in that nook, leaning against the wall, was one he had taken down and put there when they broke up and just never got around to putting away or tossing out.
After I brought it up I reassured him that he didn't have to do anything involving hiding or getting rid of the image if he wanted to keep it there, that it was fine and I wouldn't bother him about it in the future. But next time I went to his apartment it was gone. He cleaned the whole apartment and reorganized/rearranged. We haven't discussed it since, but I am feeling pretty good about things, I think it may just have been an over sight that had been taken down and forgotten and even if it wasn't, I guess I am just going to trust him that he is with me and she is not a threat.
Thanks for your helpful comments, I think hearing some reasons for why it may have been there helped me to not over react in bringing it up to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, lemonyliz +, writes (14 March 2011):
lemonyliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses. I don't think I'm going to bring this up to him right now. I agree that art is art and I think that the images are very aesthetically appealing and in general have no issue with them. the only one that bothers me is the portrait of her. It is just weird to see a picture of her in his room.
I am happy with him and I understand that she is a huge part of his past etc. It's simply the concern that he still has enough feelings for her that he wants to look at her picture every day. It makes me feel as though he hasn't moved on enough to fully be with me, because he is still so in love with his ex- a girl he would undoubtedly be married to today had he not found out about her cheating.
that being said, I have not brought it up to him and am not going to since I don't see any evidence that he is going to go back to her etc.
It would be nice if he would put the picture away though :/
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 March 2011):
 They are art.
Such photographic Art can be very valuable and sought after.
He can admire the art work.
But not want her back.
After all, he's with you, not her, and he possibly likes photographic Art.
The pictures may have been particularly chosen by him, to suit his home.
They are images on photographic paper. They are not her walking through the door draping herself over him.
You and he are happy? You are not having relationship issues, so how will asking him to remove the photographic art images be seen by him?
In my case my photos were just happy pictures, not even Art. Yet my (then) friend, now husband, insisted that photos of my first (deceased) husband should stay.
I realise that in your case his ex is still here, but she is not angling for their relationship to restart?
In my situation it made me feel so good to know that my future husband was secure in himself, was not a jealous man, and that he understood why I wanted to leave the family photos of the people I loved, inSitu.
If it still bothers you ask if the pictures can all be grouped in one place, like study that he uses.
...............................
A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward +, writes (14 March 2011):
He probably is still not over her 100%. They were together for 7 years, that is a lot, so he will never forget her even 50 years in the future. You can bring up the question of why he still keeps this picture of her and you might suggest that he puts it away if you feel comfortable enough to tell him. That might help him move on if he still has not.
He doesn't have to throw this picture away. If i break up with a girl it is hard not to keep what she has given me, but if i find a new partner I put it away in a box and forget about it (in the future I might want to remember those days in my life).
Good luck anyway, hope this is not bothering you too much
...............................
|
