A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last year (August), my dude and I decided to have a wedding in december, his parents said they wouldn't be able to attend the wedding on the date we'd set. When he sat down with them to discuss the next possible date they both evaded heavily. In december he tried bringing it up and again they asked him to not discuss the issue. Early this year we planned the wedding for june and 10 weeks before the wedding date we'd planned, he spoke to them about it. They totally refused for the wedding to take place in june. Their reasons were they wanted a fancy expensive wedding and were ill prepared to give him a fancy expensive present. Those to me were excuses because they have so much money and his parents are usually in the country in june. They said to us to cancel all plans we'd made and it would be a loss we must bear. Now they have decided the wedding be in december. We can't afford the fancy wedding they want and they aren't coming out in the open as to how much they'll pay for. I have so many questions don't know how to even ask them.
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Since you have been flexible SO many time with your plans already, you need to put your foot down.
Set the date. Send them an invite. Let them know that you are well aware that they may not be able to attend and learn to say the words "Your presence will be missed."
I believe you are being discouraged to marry, because their reasons are stupid. This is about your relationship, your marriage, you lives as adults. You are older and are not being treated as adult children.
If you are marrying the right person, it will not matter one bit what kind of wedding you have, but what kind of MARRIAGE you will have. The dress gets packed away, the food is consumed, the presents are often unused, but the spouse is for keeps!
Best Wishes.
PS, you could alway tell the parents that if they choose to not support you, that they will not be part of their future grandchildren's lives. Uhoh! :)
A
female
reader, asaulnier +, writes (23 June 2011):
 I think your guy and yourself need to decide whether having his parents there is really that important. It sounds like all their excuses are just their way of saying "No, I don't want you to marry her." If that's not the way they actually feel, then tell them that it's your wedding, and you're going to do things the way you want to. My fiance and i had to do the same thing with my parents, and believe me, you'll feel so much better once you stand up to them and let them know you guys are going to celebrate your special day the way YOU want to.
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