A
female
age
36-40,
*inky233
writes:I am 23 years old and am almost 6 months pregnant. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We love eachother very much. The pregnancy was planned, we both wanted and talked about it before it happened. I have a hard time tusting him because we were best friends before we were together and he cheated on all of his girlfriends he ever had since I met him, with me. So the way I figure it, if he cheated on them with me, what would stop him from cheating on me? He says he has never cheated on me and never wants to do anything that would hurt me. He says he loves me very much and knows we will be together for a very long time. When I talk about marriage he says he wants to marry me but not anytime soon, so what does that really mean? Slowly but surely I have started to trust him more and more. Until yesterday, he was out with some of his friends and his cell phone accidentally called mine. I answered but did not get a response and I could hear their conversation so I listened for a little bit. Then I heard someone ask my boyfriend if he would have sex with some girl and he said, "yeah I would do her." I got very upset and hung up. Then I called back and my boyfriend was very rude to me in front of his friends. He called me later and was all of a sudden nicer but stopped talking when he realized I was crying and I hung up. He did not call me back. When I confronted him on what I heard when we were both back at our house he said he was sorry and apoligized and I could tell he felt bad. He said it was just something stupid he said because he was "with the guys." Now I don't want him to hang out with those people anymore if they influence him so much into saying something like that. Especially since they all know he lives with his girlfriend who is pregnant. And why would my boyfriend say something like that if he says he would never actually do it? Now I do not trust him all over again and I am depressed and worried. Am I over reacting? How would you feel if you overheard your boyfriend tell his friends he would "do" some other girl?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): hey... you asked the question am i over reacting.. absolutly not!... trustt mee!! guys are idiots .. and more than anyone you should know this as he cheating on sum girl before and you were the girl he cheated on , i aint having a go because i know you've probably heard all that time after time.. and it is hard because now a child is going to be involved in this! you've got to think to yourself what would have happend if you didnt over hear that call ( and i got to say good on u for that!!) you might have known hes like that n even if he aint gonna do it, that he talks in such way! personally i think its out of order on u n ur child-to-be.. but at the end of the day you've got to make the descion but if it was me i woudl propa question him n keep him on locks for a while! or why not try to set him !
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (29 October 2009):
I guess you best get him to clarify what a "very long time is"... once he gets the "itch" a couple of weeks will seem like a very long time... I'd suggest 21 years might be the right answer so that Mr. faithful and make 100% of the child support payments right up through college.
Next time, plan having a child with someone who's willing to man up and walk down an alse... and not one at a liquire store... in a church.
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female
reader, pinky233 +, writes (28 October 2009):
pinky233 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions. You helped me put things into perspective :)
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A
female
reader, trigger18  +, writes (28 October 2009):
i can totally understand why u are so upset with what ur bf has sed. me and my bf are pretty much the same as u guys. dnt completely mistrust him because of what u have over heard. boys say things like that. basically everything that has been sed by u in this is what i have discussed with my bf.
have u ever heard the saying that "its ok to window shop" that means that they will look at the girl and rate her on how attractie the girl is. my bf has sed that he "wud do" other girls that he has seen but he hasnt because he loves me and he dosent actually mean that he will do it. boys will be boys as people say.
from what i have read this guy loves you to peices. youve planned a kid together which is currently on the way. you've talked about the marriage thing and he sed he does just not yet. guys find marriage daunting because some guys are afraid of the change but he has sed that he wants to get married to you. that is a positive sign.
stop worrying so much hunny because the stress wnt be good on the baby. just talk to him about it and be honest with him and he shud be honest back to you. tell him that it is still troubling u about wot he sed. but its plain to see from what uve written that there is nothing to worry about. he was just out having fun and thats all it was.
good luck and relax xx
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (28 October 2009):
 I am going to bypass the part of your post where you mentioned that you are involved with a man who wants to marry you, but not yet and so you both decided to have a child now instead of waiting for that marriage. I won’t ask if you thought having a child was LESS of a commitment. (This paragraph is typed for those in a similar situation who are not yet pregnant, so they can think about the logic of this.)
Instead, let’s get to your question. Firstly, I sympathize with you, but what I am about to type will not be what you want to “hear”.
You are over-reacting.
You mentioned this guy cheated on past girlfriends with you. As you did not mention he cheated on them with other girls as well, I have to presume he didn’t; that all of his cheating was with you.
You had trouble trusting him because for the time you've known him, he has cheated on all his girlfriends with you. You think this means he could cheat on you. With that reasoning, we can also question YOUR morality. If I were your friend or a real life acquaintance, could I trust you with my boyfriend? You have already demonstrated that you will sleep with a guy who is involved with someone else.
I am sure you would say this assessment of you is unfair and I would not make such a presumption in real life. However, the judgement was reached by using the same logic that you have used to assess the man you said was your “best friend”, “father of your child” and “future husband”. Why should he be held to a higher standard than you?
When asked by a friend, he said he would have sex with a certain girl. He did not say he had done it, hoped to or was taking steps to have sex with her. He did not say, “Guys, did you ever see ‘so-and-so’? Man I want to have sex with her!”
I can acknowledge that I find men attractive who are not my boyfriend. This does not detract from my feelings for my boyfriend or my commitment to him. He is confident in my feelings for him and so, he is not threatened by it. He understands that while it is possible to find someone else attractive, they do not compare to my feelings for him because my feelings, while they include sexual attraction, run much deeper.
If you start handing out ultimatums about who he can hang out with, he will begin to resent you. You are reacting because of your own misplaced trust issues and insecurity and not because of anything he has done wrong.
I can’t give you the sympathy you are looking for, although I sense you’re hurt and wish I could. If you are to work this out, you need to be aware of the truth of your situation.
That truth is he had an innocent conversation with his friends. YOU invaded his personal space by eaves-dropping. Whether the opportunity presented itself or you hunted it out, that’s what you did. You heard something you didn’t like while eaves-dropping (invading his privacy); something which fed your irrational trust issues, and ran with it.
If the situation were reversed, imagine yourself sitting with your girlfriends and saying “Yes, I agree that ‘Joe Blow’ is SO cute! He has a really tight butt!” (which is the female equivalent of what he said). Now imagine your boyfriend getting hurt and upset and telling you to stop hanging out with those friends, especially as he can’t trust you because you had sex with him when he was involved with other people.
That would feel crummy, wouldn’t it?
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male
reader, tux +, writes (28 October 2009):
 You get in a relationship with a guy that you know has cheated on all of his girlfriends and you are afraid that he will do the same to you.. I'm sorry, but you can be mad at him, but the bigger part is that it will be your fault as well considering you know how he is/was.
As far as the not marrying you anytime soon part, it looks like he is not ready to settle down and look elsewhere for the time being.. You are not in a good situation if you plan on settling down with him.
As for his conversation with his friends, that could be innocent... just because he tells his friends, "he would do her." does not necessarily mean that he is going to do it. it's just guy to guy talk which does not mean too much unless he acts on it,.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 October 2009):
 I believe him, but what worries me is he's going to have a family with a child. He needs to get off of being the cool guy in front of his friends. But guys do that. "I'd do her" kinda talk when they all get together. It's innocent talk, but in your situation, this behavior does need to stop. Can't be raising a child talking about who he'd do and not. Just not proper.
I can see from your end. It's rude hearing him say that. Even though guys, when together, have strange conversation, you have right to be upset.
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