A
female
age
41-50,
*onfusedfrustratedsad
writes:I'm desperate and have no real friends to turn to and really need others opinions, hence me joining this site.I've been with my husband for 11 years now, married nearly five, we have 2 great kids and a lovely house. Along with this we have the usual debts and problems within our marriage. Our sexual appetites are so different and OH's taste puts me off. I think I crave attention and love and constantly try and find happiness and love away from my OH. I know he loves me but I'm not "in love" with him anymore!I am self employed and as my 2 kids are 3 and 5 I don't really have much time to devote to my work, if I did then maybe I would take the risk of leaving the OH, I'm not sure.I was recently shown a bit (lots) of attention by a male friend online, we actually met today for the first time! That is another story I'm sure though, I think it's part of me wanting to love and be attracted to someone! He is everything my husband isn't. :( I've emailed him tonight to say that we should cease contact though as I can already feel myself in such a mess about it all!I'm in tears as I write as I just don't know what to do, I don't really want to be with my OH, I can't explain why, I just feel so weak and so dependent on him. I can't talk to him about it as it would break his heart, I can't leave him as I have nobody to help me, I have two young kids and I don't have any money behind me to start again.I'm such a mess and this is only the tip of the iceberg! Having read the tips bit, I've failed straight away! My question isn't clear! :( It's also very long!I feel like I'm stuck and have nowhere to go and noone to turn to.Can anyone try and help me work out what to do please?
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female
reader, Confusedfrustratedsad +, writes (6 August 2007):
Confusedfrustratedsad is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your reply, it means a lot to me! :)I totally agree with what you have said and having done lots of thinking since I posted the question I think I'm a little clearer about things. Problem is I think I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I don't find my husband attractive, I love him but not the way I should I guess.I think I'm going to turn, as you say, my energies to building on my business and I'm going to save money and if things don't improve in the future then I'll have more strength to move on if it's the right thing to do.I'm also going to try and speak to my husband and let him know how I feel, although the sex side of things has been discussed many times before and nothing changes. :(I know it's a long way off but I'm going to work on the "Family" and when my youngest is at primary school, with a bit of savings hopefully we can come to some kind of arrangement.Thank you again for your help!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): I fear you are stuck by practicalities - help with the kids and financial 'insecurity' regarding self employment. For many people the security of these things is all they need and they are prepared to compromise in other areas. Clearly this is not the case with you. I think you need to write down your thoughts and review them. What exactly is the issue - is it just sex? Are you simply bored? Are you not getting enough attention? or... even if you did get attention from your OH would it be what you want. To make your relationship work you have to want to and, reading between the lines, it seems much has gone on that means you are turned off by the prospect of even trying. I understand this. However if you are looking for someone to 'save' you or 'experiment' your feelings with I would exercise caution. You do not feel equality and full love in your existing relationship. This new one or any others like it may also leave you feeling unfulfilled. Double trouble! and double the emotion. Clear a pathway for your true feelings to show and at this point I suggest avoiding confusing yourself further - it is a tougher line in the short term but it is pointless having two rubbish relationships. In the meantime perhaps your energy would be better spent working out how it could be to leave your situation so that if things become unbearable you have some practical solutions for YOURSELF that can mean it is possible.
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