A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I signed up for an online dating site and received a few messages already.Then I realized I was too shy to even reply back to a simple message! Ugh!I thought I would give it a try but I'm still a little on the fence on whether it's a good idea or not. I've heard many, many stories of people meeting up and the guy either being a total creep or only wanting to get some... well you know what I mean.I don't want that. I want a legitimate date without being scared the only thing a guy wants is to sleep with me. On the other side of hearing about creepers, I hear some nice stories about online dating. Actually, one of my good friends met her hubby online!I am very friendly in person, but still a bit shy and am debating on whether meeting someone I only know from over the internet is safe or not.Not to mention I am a little self-conscious. My online photos and description are nice and decent, I think, but what if they got the wrong message and don't like me in person? I guess I'm also scared of meeting a rude or immature person...What do you think? Should I try online dating? Have you had a positive or negative experience with it?
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (22 May 2013):
 Hi
I don't like online dating, but know people who love the fact there's always some guy to go for a drink with during the boring week nights, if you plan it that way.And you never know.
There are a lot of married men, men just out of long term relationships wanting to play,plain creeps, then there are the genuine ones.
Go into it with a lighthearted attitude, no expectations, and with simple safety rules when you meet.The first meet is to see if you click in person, so treat it like that, a coffee somewhere or a quick drink. Then plan you a 2nd date,a longer one - or not.
If you use the paying sites the men are less likely to waste your time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2013): I tried some on line dating and the good sites cost you money and you could be out a couple hundred bucks to just belong to a couple of good ones. The free sites are littered with predators and hustlers. They will promise you the sun and moon but just want you to bend over .Bottom line I believe it is very difficult to meet the right person for a long term relationship. Most people will never say they are dorky or if they have annoying habits. Face it nobody really is going to knock themselves on a dating site. E harmony one of the biggest sites claims to have made the best long lasting relationships. I question that statement? If you try it arrange to meet at a busy coffee shop or restaurant where there are a lot of people around. If prince charming turns out to be a dork or predator it wont take long to find that out. Never agree to leave to go to a quieter place to talk. Just tell him to speak louder and you do the same. If the first meeting seems good give him a email account. Go set one up where if he gets it and he turns out to be a dork nothing will come back to harm you. And don't be afraid to ask the hard hitting questions. Hey, why are you trying on line dating? If he is honest he wont be squirming in his shoes and trying to give you a so so answer. If he really wants romance he will make a effort to come out of himself to reveal his true character. Also look to see if he is making eye contact when he speaks to you and see if what he says seems okay or is he just full of bullshit. If he is constantly staring at your boobs or crotch that should send out warning bells. If you feel uncomfortable at any time don't hesitate to get up and excuse yourself and leave if necessary. Just say your not feeling well or coming down with the touch of the flu. Leave it at that. Good-luck...
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (21 May 2013):
 My experience of online dating was positive, but i think a lot of free sites tend to have time-wasters on them, so i would choose the site carefully.
Once you've exchanged a few messages with someone, you should get a feel as to whether you'd like to meet them.
Always meet up in a public place, maybe just have a coffee/drink on the first date or a meal.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 May 2013):
 Well I have used online dating a number of times, and the last time I used it (about 1 and a half years ago) I met my current boyfriend - we now live together and are talking about getting married.
Was it always a wonderful experience? No, there are some creeps and oddballs on these dating sites. But I would say that for every oddball and creep there is a good guy so you have a 50/50 chance of meeting someone decent.
But look at the alternative - meeting people in real life. What is to say that a guy you meet in a bar/club isnt a creep and wants one thing? What's to say that the guy you meet in the coffee shop who seems really nice isnt going to turn out to be rude and immature?
Dating is a risk, full stop. It doesnt matter where you meet them, these people are strangers and until you get to know them they could turn out to be a nightmare. Online or in real life, you simply dont know what that person will turn out to be like so I really dont think you need to be particularly nervous about online dating.
I personally think online dating is a great way to get to know someone before you commit to a date, whereas if you meet in real life chances are you would meet them once, then arrange to see them for a proper date soon after meeting which doesnt allow much time to get to know them.
When you are messaging someone online you get a good idea if they are after 1 thing or not - if the conversation quickly turns sexual and they start asking 'what's your biggest turn on' etc then you can clearly see that all they want is sex. However if you have a guy who is messaging you frequently, wanting to get to know you, asking you lots of questions and generally making an effort then that is a good indicator that he is a good guy and would be worth going on a date with.
Of course meeting up with strangers off the internet is a little risky, hence why it is important to always tell someone where you are going and what time you are due back. Even better, take a friend with you or get a couple of friends to hide in the background (silly I know!) on your date so they can keep an eye on you.
Nothing in life is ever certain, and life is full of risks - dating is one of those risks. You can meet creeps in real life, you can also meet them online. You can meet good guys in real life, you can also meet them online. All you are doing by trying online dating is to open up your possibilities of meeting someone and give yourself more potential success for meeting a decent guy. By not using online dating you are narrowing your chances and limiting yourself to the guys you meet in real life.
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A
female
reader, bee_autiful  +, writes (21 May 2013):
I signed up for online dating a few years ago and had exactly the same fears as you. I think it doesn't hurt to give things ago- first step is to reply to a message.. it doesn't mean that you'll have to meet up with them. Advice is only meet up with them when you're ready. I think I met up with 3 guys I spoke with. The first I knew wouldn't lead any where but decided to just meet him to get over my nerves. The second, I had been talking to for ages before I decided to meet him, where as the third I didn't wait long. You'll know how you feel.When meeting up remember to meet at a place where it is busy with people around etc.also, as I said- there's no harm in trying. It might not be for you- I've never gone back to it- but it's an option, and there is potential :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): While it is easy to understand your apprehension you are simply far too timid, shy and conservative about this.
What if? What if? What if?
Screen the guy as best as you can via messages and when/if you decide to meet up do so in a very public and safe place.
Be certain you have your own transportation and if it clicks it clicks and you go from there.
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