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On the brink of divorce

Tagged as: Family, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 April 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 April 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *airy_Girl25 writes:

Me and my husband are getting a Divorce after almost 5 years. I still love him very very much. I just don't know how much more I can take. We are not getting a divorce because we don't love each other at least he says he still loves me. More you could say I am sick of fighting with his mother.

OK I'll tell you our history. This is going to take a long time but I'll just sum up most of it.

We meet in a yahoo Chat room when I was a senior in high school. We only really went on one date, but it was love at first site. You know how in story books they say it is like the whole world just disappears when they walk into the room, Well it did really. It doesn't so much now. We got married about 4 months later. (I know mistake #1) at that time I had just graduated and neither of us had a Job. SO we lived with his parents for about 3 or 4 months, then me and his mom got into a huge fight and We moved into his grandmothers house.

After a little while we moved back into his parents house and things were pretty good for a long time. While living there though we found out baby # 1 was on her way. No big deal we are living in heaven. so we move out right before the baby is born. but that did not last long ( my hubby can't seem to hold a job) so his sister moves in. No big deal I love his sister too. Well with her came her boyfriend, He helped pay bills when they could but we had to move shortly after. so we live from here to there.Finally settling back in to his moms house. his mom moves to McCall we try to move to McCall end up back at grandmas. Then when our Daughter is about to turn a year we find out we are having baby# 2. After baby # 2 is born we move to McCall in McCall I get pregnant again. here comes baby #3.

My husband is still changing jobs more then his underwear. Well by the time I am half way through pregnancy # 3 he found a job back down in the valley. I send him to go work there and find us a house so we can move back after we have baby #3. About 1 month before I give birth he loses his job. great! I can't work after baby is born and rent is too high up there anyways. so I give birth and move down to our apartment a little 2 bed 1 bath. Soon he finds a job trucking. You know the big rigs long haul.

To make this long story a little shorter I don't see him much. After 6 months of really little pay check we lose our apartment. Now me and baby 3 are sleeping at grandmas and baby 1 and 2 sleep at their aunts. Plus me and his mom are fighting like cats and dogs and I am so Depressed I don't know what to do now. I just don't know if Love is really worth all this shit. He is willing to work through it if a start to talk to his mom again and go see a councilor.

View related questions: chat room, depressed, divorce, grandmother, moved in, underwear

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009):

Thank you guys for the advice. I have been looking for a job any job but where I am at there are no job available but I keep checking. And after my 3rd child I shut down the "Baby factory" so to speak( I got my tubes tied) My husband has A job right now as a truck driver. And seems to love it. But you are Right I need a job and I need to get my own place. Funny thing is me and his mom don't fight about the kids, we do fight about money though. I have agreed to seek professional help and he is agreed to pay off all our bills with in a month so that we can move and be on own.

I can not keep living like this for to much longer my kids need me with them at night. In our own house. But like I said thank you guys a lot.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009):

I agree with this anonymous person. you have to get a job and try to support your three children. What kind of mom/parents they would think they have if they grew up in this kind of situation?

You might teach them how to be dependent to mom and dad and even to granparents up until they grow old like you do if you won't do anything about your situation rigth now.

And your husband need to get his ass up if he still loves you and your children, he should make an effort tto keep his family and support them.

A lot of women out there who support their children by their own alone. What the sense of having an eresponsible husband that's good only for making babies but not in making money?

There's no sense of being with your husband for now because you will just keep on adding babies and then don't know where else to put your babies.

You need to organize your life and having job, support your children, get your own space to live before even thinking of having your husband back.

And your husband need to be mature enough, act his responsibilities.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009):

first of all you need to realize where babies come from. second you and your husband need to figure out what the hell is going on here. third he needs to get off his lazy --- and get a job and HOLD it he has a family now. With little babies and wife. You need to get away from Mother, Grandmother, aunties. How can you live like that. Do you suppose the mother has a reason to be fighting with you. you have three small children and you are all seperated living from here to there. i am surprised that your local child protection agency is not all over you and your husband. this is no way for those children to live. you need to find a job even part time will help and get on your feet. i know your kids are to small for you to work but you have no other choice at this point. get on your feet in your own place and then go back to being a full time mom. your husband needs to be working and sending money back home to you and those kids. what the hell were you two thinking when your love at first site began. wake up

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