A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m a guy of 22 and met a woman of 43 through work last year. We had lots in common and got on really well until she made a pass at me. I told her that I wanted friendship; that was all. She told me that she loved me and wanted to be with me but I said no. Then some months later, after a drunken night out, we got intimate in the back of her car. She seemed to relish in her triumph, like it was her personal mission to bed me, so I stopped seeing her. In November I was diagnosed with cancer, and shortly after she got in touch. In a moment of weakness I agreed and for a while we were good mates again until she started telling that she loved me again and has started dominating my life. Now I’m unsure whether I can continue being her friend. She’s been through a lot doesn’t keep friends for very long, so I don’t want to abandon her, but I do want my life back. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): How do you really feel about her?If you really can't see being with her, don't have sex with her anymore and tell her kindly that you don't feel the same way about her.OTOH there is nothing wrong with the age gap. My sweetie is 19 years younger than me.
A
male
reader, Phil and Kayley  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 I/we agree with many of the other people who have replied to your question. You need to let her know your feelings as she does you. She needs to respect your opinions and feelings towards your relationship as indeed you do to hers. If however you cannot agree on the "rules" of the relationship whatever they may be, then perhaps you should both call it a day.It takes two to Tango.........
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): Has she had kids? If no, then maybe she is missing this in her life and needs to nurture someone.
If the smothering bothers you, maybe there is something you fear about yourself that your afraid to show. Could be good for both of you, just be honest with each other and communicate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): Hi,
I agree, there's nothing wrong withan older woman dating a younger man. Im still getting used to the concept but its nothing new and society needs a bit of a wakeup call...
I think Susans advice is the most reasonable - if u dont love come right out and say it... of course be gentle she is human... more than that she's a grown lady and im sure that she will be able to handle it with maturity...
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (23 April 2008):
 You need to tell her absolutely bluntly just where she stands.
"I like you, but I'm never going to love you" might be a cliche, but it leaves little doubt. You need to be sure she understands it without any possibility of any confusion, and then - and ONLY then - go on to tell her (if you want) that you want her as a friend and (again if you want - but think about it carefully before you jump in AND stress the "I'm never going to love you" again) you like being "intimate" with her.
There's nothing wrong with a 43-year-old woman having a 22-year-old lover (in my opinion - or maybe I'm just jealous!!); but YOU need to make the rules and limits. If you're not emotionally strong enough to do that, then walk away: right away.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 You need to take back control of your own life.
Live the way you like and want and if she does not like it ,
she can go search for another toy boy.
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