A
male
age
51-59,
*uddle_Monkey
writes:HiI'm a 41 year old, good looking single guy who only really gets on with girls aged between 18 - mid 20's. I just find them more fun and I seem to have so much more in common with them than women my own age. Do you think this is normal?? Please comment. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2013): I don't think its normal or healthy even though it is obviously common enough to be a cliche. Intimate relationships are healthy if they are between peers and equals. They are unhealthy when there is a power differential. A generational age gap is one form of a power differentiail because you are seen as having more wealth, social influence and options. The younger person is more emotionally inexperienced and vulnerable and has less financial power. Realize too that even if you don't have children, women who are 20 years younger than you are young enough to be your kids. That's why gravitating towards them is not normal...those young women have parents YOUR age who will see you as a predator. What do you have more in common with these young girls than with women your age? I suppose if you have not mentally or emotionally moved beyond adolescence then it would feel more natural with them. But its not a healthy sign for a 40 year old man to be mentally and emotionally an adolescent. Are there women that age who would gravitate toward older men? Sure there are. Many of them do so because of emotional problems. Not beong jidmental justvstating a fact. Again healthy relationships are based on peer relationships that are equal. So for someone to gravitate to an unbalanced relarionship is a symptom of some abnormality internally. When I was in high school I had a friend who was dating and got pregnant by a 40 year old guy. It happens. But doesn't mean it isn't problemmatic or messed up. (My friend ended up having an abortion then tried to commit suicide and when I stopped her she cut me out of her life. That was over 20 years ago, and I have no idea what happened to her after that but I still think of her every now and then.)I don't think that coincidentallly falling in love with someone much younger than you is a sign of pathology. People are individuals after all and it is possible to meet someone who is mentally and emotionally your equal yet happens to be chronologically much younger. But to seek out and target only that young age group as a whole is what I think is unhealthy and not normal.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 October 2013):
 Don't worry about being normal. If you are happy that way, who are people to judge?
I have an experience with a guy older than me. He used the exact same words describing himself, that age is just a number blah blah. What I found out is that he is hiding under a cloak of self loathing and his jokes are not funny for my taste. I am a positive person and I do like a good laugh, but I just can't laugh about everything just for the sake of it.
Also to generalize older women as weathered and bitter about life, and that younger women as bubbly and cheerful are just wrong. You see different personalities in every age. If you age target you would miss out on other ladies who can also be fun with.
I would say that a woman your age is more likely to be established in her career and therefore can truly enjoy life whereas a young woman out of college is struggling to get ahead because of too much competition, too many bills to pay.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): Maybe I was wrong in saying I have more in common with younger girls. What I mean is, I just seem to have more fun & a good laugh with younger girls. I think age is a state of mind & my mind is very young (rather than immature). I've dated women my age & all they seem to be interested in is their career (nothing wrong with that if it's your bag). Me personally, I work to live, not the other way round. I'd like to point out, I do get on with girls who are mid 20's a lot better. I just like to be around fun, bubbly women & women my age don't seem to be that!
Thank you to everyone for your comments, I appreciate all....Even the harsh ones! ;)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 October 2013):
 20 years differences is not a big deal AFTER 25-30. But before? Yes, for me it is odd. The brain isn't even fully grown til 25. THAT should say something.
Do I think it's normal? Not really. An 18 year old have very little life and work experience compared to a 40+ year old. Or at least should have, I have met people in their 40 who just never "grew" up.
I can see why you might be initially more attracted to younger women/girls. Partly because there is a LOT less pressure and expectations from them, then you would from women in their 30-40+. Partly because YOU might seem more experienced, worldly and mature (whether you are or not) compared to their peers.
And not saying that 18-22 year old are not smart, but... what do you ACTUALLY have in common with them?
It can also reek of midlife-crisis or pure desperation to hold on to your youth.
I'm in my 40's and I could NOT at all imagine being with a kid of 18. But that might just be me.
Now I can understand liking younger partners, but someone half your age? I find it a little off in a guy or a woman. More like they can't handle a grown up relationship, but NEED someone who is less experienced to "lift" them up or adoration.
But if there is a young lady out there willing to date an "older" dude, then go for it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): I can understand some age difference. My own GF is 11 years younger. However, 41 and 18? That is too far IMO.
Even 41 and 25 is easier to swallow. But 18 is really still a kid. You have more years apart than her total age. 25yo and 18yo girls are a lot different. I won't go younger than mid-20s for several reasons.
Most women your own age will basically want to tear you to shreds for preferring such younger women. They have a tendency to hold a double standard about age differences. They are fine with any age difference matchup as long as they would benefit from it. Any other kind of split (even one that they once participated in and approved of at the time) becomes wrong in their eyes after they become too old to be the beneficiary.
The other double standard is about maturity. An older man & young woman couple, it must show the man is immature and the woman is mature for her age. But an older woman & younger man couple, that does not reflect the opposite for some reason.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 October 2013):
 More in common with them? Like what, the aimlessness of youth - the glistening idealized worldview? The lack of life experience? The drive to go out to clubs, get super black out drunk, throw glitter around and sing karaoke?
If you have more in common with an 18 year old, then you must be hugely immature. I'm 27 and get exhausted when around these fresh-out-of-high-school 18 year olds, who constantly are surrounded by drama and gossip, and take everything so seriously - that, or not nearly seriously enough. So why a 41 year old would find himself connecting with 18 year olds on an intellectual level... huh.
It would be different if you said that you found them more attractive and liked a more casual approach to relationships. If you were looking for drunken hook ups, or relationships that are hot but short lived, okay. Nothing serious. Always fun. Then I'd say, if you can still land an 18 year old, go for it. But do I think it is normal to feel like you have more in common with an 18 year old than someone who has experienced the world, life and can meet you intellectually (not to mention, remember life before the internet)... nah... that doesn't seem normal to me. If that is the case, then I'd say that you really need to grow up.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, angel91 +, writes (6 October 2013):
Do you get on with them because you find younger women more attractive? I don't see anything wrong with being friends, however the parents of an 18 year old girl might find her friendhsip with a 41 year old man offputting.
In terms of a relationship... There's a big difference in age and maturity. You'll both be at different stages of your life, and will want different things. Then again, it depends on the person!
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