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anonymous
writes: I am married and he is overseas. I recently reconnected with an old guy friend and we have admitted to both having feelings for each other. We want to meet up to see what is there between us! What do I do? I am not really happy in my marriage either and really care about this other guy! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): hey my husband is deployed and hes been gone for a while now and i know exactly how you feel you see me and my husband just made a year and hes been gone for about 10 months now and sometimes i find myself likin attention from the guyz out there sayin your beautiful blah blah or find myself wanting to look for attention but when that happens i take a picture of him out and think about when he was home and how good things were. yes me and him have gone threw our problems shoot weve even talked about divorce and for awhile we were both kinda unhappy but you just have to remember that hes in a very stressful area he has to worry about so many different things over there and sometimes hell probably get a lil hot headed easily but you just have to understand and try to support him and let him know u do in so many different lil ways but tell him youd like him to do it to talk to him tell him your feelin lonely and that you need him that you love him but if at the end of all your thinking and talkin and you cant seem to make it threw or your still unhappy then leave but know the feelin of being lonely and wantin someone esles attention will not go away til he comes back your gonna have to find within yourself to not act unpon it if your marriage is worth it.if they were good before then hold on to that and show him remind him.he needs you just as much as you need him. always remember that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2005): Well My husband is in the Navy and no matter what or how far apart we are I wouldn't ever cheat on him, that is really wrong. You need to deal with your marriage first!!! Not this other guy. If your not happy then deal with it do what you have to do but whatever you do don't cheat, if you are thinking about that then you shouldn't of got married. Marrige isn't something you take as a joke, it is something that you have to be totally 100% commeted to and if your not then get out first before you meet someone else. You could really be losing a great guy and maybe the real reason you aren't happy is becuse he is gone and you are lonely but if the love is there and is strong when you are together don't throw that away, do you know how hard it is to find someone who treats you the way you deserve?? And just think what if you end your marriage and this guy beats you? Then what?? You should give your marriage a chance and see what happens, wait until he comes home and see how it goes. But don't cheat on him, no one deserves that..... Would it be ok if he did it to you???
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reader, pops +, writes (17 June 2005):
It is up to you. If your personal ethics tell you not to cheat on your husband, then don't. If you can look at yourself in the mirror and accept the truth that you cheated on your husband, then go ahead. But keep your mouth shut about it to everyone. You knew times would be tough when he left to go overseas. I assume he is in either the military, or works for a company that pays him more money if he works overseas. Remember he is just as absent from you as you are from him. If you are having problems with your husband, work them out, or leave him.Don't have him supporting you while you are out sleeping with someone else. That is a lousy thing to do, no matter what it is called. If that old friend is really attracted to you, maybe he is only because you are married,and represent no threat to him. Many people look to have flings with married people because the married partner can be no threat. They can't tell anyone about the afair without endangering their marriage. and the non-married party can leave whenever he(she)wants to. Have you talked to your husband about what you are to do about your " itch" when he is gone? I know some couples who have an open marriage and allow each other to play with others when they are absent for long periods of time. Some do it on condition that each of them tell the other about the lovers, and describe in detail the lovemaking. They use this as both foreplay, and a way to avoid being caught unaware of their spouse's relationship with someone they don't know, but may meet on some future occasion. pops
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reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (13 June 2005):
 If he is a friend, what is the problem? Go and meet him, your husband won't find out if he is always away!! If you are not happy with this man because of his absence all the time, you should let him know how you are feeling, because girls don't like to be alone for a long time without their husbands. I might not know how you are feelin because i am only 15 and havent been in a strong relationship, but i know i would feel lonely without the one i love!!
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (13 June 2005):
 You need to finish with your husband first before you embark on something else. Why is that you are not happy in your marriage ? is it because your husband is overseas and you dont see as much of him as you would like ? You dont say why he is overseas but im assuming its work ? Maybe he too is feeling that your marriage has hit tough times, but when this does happen, its not always best to take the easy road of hooking up with someone else as it doesnt change the problem that you are actually having. Maybe try and talk to your husband first and see where thigns have gone wrong, see if the two of you really cant make a go of it anymore, you might find that your husband is just as unhappy, and maybe talking will help the both of you, Just because someoneelse comes along to show you some attention, doesnt mean its the right thing to do. Think about this carefully, talk to your husband first and see if you can fix things,,, if you cant then i suggest breaking up properly first before putting yourself on the market again... you wont know until you speak to your husband. He may even be feeling the same way, in which case you would have his blessing, but dont act until you have spoken with him.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 June 2005):
 If you're not happy in your marriage, you need to decide whether to continue to remain married. You also need to discuss divorce with your husband. Trying out the alternatives before you're at least separated from your husband is what's technically referred to as "cheating on your partner". It's generally frowned upon.
You and your old flame should put your feelings on hold until you sort out where you're going with your marriage. As the old saying goes, "you can't have your cake and eat it, too". If you're still married, you definitely should NOT be sampling the charms of other men, especially when your husband is overseas! Remember those wedding vows about "...forsaking all others..."? Well, that's what you vowed to do.
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reader, robinlovescena +, writes (13 June 2005):
 You should be happy. dump him. go out with the guy that makes you feel special. you never see your husband. marry someone you actually get to see.
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