A
female
age
30-35,
*tilettosofsteel
writes:Hi, I'm 21 years old and have been involved with the same person for almost about 2 years now. Its a long distant relationship, he lives in New York City and I live in Virginia. I met him when he was visiting Wash. DC for a concert his friend was performing in during the end of summer in 08. It was kind of a "love at first sight" feeling for me when I had met him because that day was becoming the worst day of my life but turned out to be one of the best when I met him later that evening. He is a tall, handsome, former model, very successful contracting company owner in the city, very witty and intellectual all at the age of 23. I blew him off in the beginning, but eventually after a couple days when he already had returned to new york, I made it very clear that I was into him. After that, we began talking back and forth. Plans to visit each other were made but due to his busy schedule he couldn't find time to come down and see me. His job is something hes always made clear he can't get out of. He works everyday about 16 hours max.So anyways, a couple months went by where we communicated back and forth and he started to admit feelings to be but I never did. I tried to play this whole "play hard to get game" because I didn't want to wear my heart on my sleeve. This was a long distant relationship and the type of guy he was,(looks, personality, and all) I was always skeptical about trusting him fully. So then a couple months went by, and he finally came for the weekend to see me. The weekend went by great, we spent a lot of time together and talked about us and what we want. Clearly, we both had some kind of feelings for each other and undeniable chemistry. When he returned to NYC, it all went downhill. A series of bad events happened to him including car accident and he got really sick at one point. Week by week, the communication level decreased. Before, I played this whole play hard to get game where I never showed that it bothered me If I heard from him or not but this time around after spending time with him..I got attached. After a couple days I would try to call..or send a text here and there asking him how he is or why haven't I heard from him but I would always get the same answer, "I promise when I get a chance I will call." That never happened..finally after a month went by, I couldn't take it any longer. I knew I had to speak up, so I sent him a long text(yes a text, because I was too afraid to call) letting him know how I felt, that I didn't know where this was going and that there hasn't been any communication and that I just wish he could be straight up with me and tell me whats the deal. I never got a response. So I just let it be, I sucked it all in swallowed all my feelings and just let it be. We were still friends on eachother's facebook but we never interacted after that. Months went by, and I cried myself to sleep every night because I never got that closure and yet I never had the guts to give that call myself. So i lived my life in absolute misery, confusion, and just wandering what ever happened? Finally after 3 whole months, I got a phone call from him. I had missed the call, my heart dropped. I didn't know what to do, but at this point I was livid. I couldn't believe he was calling me after 3 months of disappearing on me, so I let my anger get the best of me and I texted instead of calling back asking him What did he want. He replied back saying he just wanted to see how I was and he has no reason why he was gone but he just couldn't take it any longer so he called me. I was furious, so I completely blew him off. I let him know how hurt I was and that theres no I way I'm comfortable talking to him and it might take a while for me to be able to talk to him again. He tried to apologize but told me that he understands and he'll wait for me until I'm ready. After that conversation via text, we didn't talk for months. We were still friends on facebook, but no communication. I didn't contact him either because I expected him to make more of an effort plus my ego and pride was in the way, but every month it killed me because I was dying to talk to him and I still felt very strongly for him. Finally in December of 09, he commented on a photo of mine on facebook and through that I sent him an inbox message and we started communicating again..normally as if we had forgotten what happened before. He asked me If I was over the whole past situation and I said yeah the past is the past lets start over again. So we tried to..but it just didn't happen. There was still no communication from his end. He told me things like "Please come back into my life" or "I need you in my life" but yet he wouldn't communicate. Makes absolutely no sense.Dealing with this for another couple months my friend whom I confided in did the unthinkable, went behind my back and got his number through my phone without me knowing and contacted him through text. She asked him what was wrong with him and why doesn't he communicate with me. She also told him how I feel about him. He came back telling her that he never knew how I felt because I never show my emotions and that he adores me to bits and thinks of me all day. I found out that she did all this because I got a text from him that night where he asked he who she was. I was so furious that she did that I called her right away and blew up on her. She told me her motive was to break the ice between us because we would never do it ourselves. I thank her for doing this, because after that we started communicating and talking to eachother once again. I told him that I buried the hatchet a long time ago and I'm ready to start up things again. I made plans to visit him in nyc which finally happened last month in July. We had an amazing time, and alot was said between us. He told me how he felt strongly towards me and even told my friends who were with me how crazy he is about me. We had a serious discussion about communication, in which he told me that he is married to his job and I'm just going to have to deal with it if i want something between us. He told me, that if it wasn't for him being a workaholic he would contact me more often but in the future it will pay off, and I should just have faith in him and stick it out. This was fine with me, since I've been so use to it by now, I told him that I understood his lifestyle and I'm willing to keep it alive. Once I returned back, however, the communication is dead once again. This is something I didn't expect again this time around. In the beginning we exchanged a few texts, but thats about it. There hasn't been any phone conversation since and its been about a month. So I knew I had to speak up, but there are things that led me to finally speak up for myself. I'm no longer on facebook, but my friends that came with me to nyc whom he met are. So they became friends with him on facebook. He has commented or messaged them on facebook here and there a couple times since we've been back, but he hasn't found time to give me a phone call or text. Strange isn't it? How is it that you have time out of your crazy schedule to be active on facebook and comment on my friend's status but you don't have time to contact me? He knows very well that they will tell me, so what is his motive? I finally sent him a text letting me know that I expected alot more out him and that I'm disappointed. He tried to be witty and came back with smart comment not taking me seriously at all. So I responded back letting him know that I'm serious and I don't know why after all of this theres still no communication. I never got a response..and its been 4 days since. I feel like deja vu all over again. And I know very well that he got my last message. What is he trying to get out of all this, I have no clue! I wish he could be honest with me and just let me know If he feels like this isn't going to work. I'm left in the dark once again, back to square 1. I still want it to work, I truly believe it has all the potential in the world but he shows me signs he doesn't seem to care but yet at face value tells me he's in love with me. I wish I knew what was in his head! What should be the next step?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Communication is key in a LDR..without it's over. You can't touch or see the person so all you have left is communication to keep the relationship alive. Unless he is in Afghanistan where he is out fighting terrorists and can't always call or get online then he really has no excuse. A contractor owner job is demanding he's on the phone half the day with his workers and clients. Since he's already on the phone, he can just as easily give you a phone call. Like you pointed out if he has the time to be on a social network site, then he surely has the time to text/call you. He's a crappy candidate for a LDR. Bottom line you're never going to have any relationship with someone who can't put in not even half of the effort you do. Sorry, it's gone on long enough. The time you've wasted on him, you could have found someone better who will keep up the basic maintenance of a relationship.
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