A
male
age
36-40,
*db1103
writes:I recently went through a really rough breakup with a girl that I had been dating for a long time. The breakup took quite a toll on me and I am still healing from it, but I have gotten to the point now where I am thinking about starting to meet women again. I am not looking to jump into another relationship just yet, but I also don't want this breakup to scare me away from relationships and friendships with women for good. I am a nice guy but I am also a shy guy. I am not the kind of "nice guy" who blames the entire female species for my being single, and who thinks that women purposely date jerks. I know that women like a man who can take the initiative, a man who is strong and confident and who makes the first move. It is making the first move that I have the most trouble with. There are plenty of women that I would like to get to know, but I am too shy to talk to them. When I do talk to them I feel like I come off as very nervous and I know that is a turn off to most women. For some reason I just have trouble talking to women that I don't know well, I know that some of this stems from having my heart broken twice and some of it comes from my inherent shyness, but I want to overcome this. I know that I have a lot to offer women both as a friend and as a significant other. How can I overcome my fear and anxiety of talking to them and become confident enough to make the first move? Also, how should I go about initiating conversation with women that I don't know well?
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female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 I think firstly, you should become comfortable with your nervousness. Its not always a turn-off, sometimes it can be interpreted as kind of cute, especially if you embrace it. That discomfort you feel is natural, and everyone feels it to an extent (some just hide it better than others). Beginning a relationship is usually a little awkward, it goes away after a while, as I am sure you know since you have been in a real relationship before.Its also good to keep in mind that you don't know if you actually like a woman when you are first approaching her. That is what the talking is for, you have to decide just as much as she does if you two get along or not. Remembering this will help you keep you in your own head, instead of constantly wondering what she is thinking (and if she likes you or not). Good luck to you!
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