A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there folks! Just need some advice. I'm pregnant due June 26th with a little boy, now to my dilemma. My partner and I tried to conceive for 9 months (been together for 3 1/2 years), I became pregnant he seemed pretty excited. He has two kids from a previous relationship. Early on he started making comments about the paternity of our son and how he wants a test done when he is born. I have been trying to keep happy, because our baby is a blessing but he has been ruining the experience. I really wanted us to have a bond over this baby because it was something we've always talked about and was a dream come true.My partner is now coming around to the idea of becoming a father again, he wants to name our son after himself, so he would be a JR. I'm not 100% on this anymore (was discussed when we found out the gender) my reasons are that for so long he made my pregnancy harder than it had to be by questioning the paternity and not being attached (he always made a point of how he felt a "trifecta" between his ex and kids). My step son already has his name combined as his middle name, I want a name that's just for him (my mom used all of the same name for our middle names, I personally don't like it). When we found out the gender, my partner asked my step son how he feels about naming him a jr? I feel it's tacky now. I guess feeling the approval needed by a 5 year old bothers me, if he would of said no I don't like it, I don't know how it would of been. I've always included my step kids in this pregnancy because it is their little brother. I feel some guilt over knowing my time is going to consumed by a newborn so have been trying to do more activities and going out for some time with just us. All in all my point is I don't want to name him after his dad, but give him his own identity. Are my reasons wrong? Should I reconsider?
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (29 May 2016):
 I'm all for naming your child together, but I don't blame you for not wanting him to be a Jr, especially after the way he reacted. I don't really like Jr names, but that's just me.
Write the surname down you want the baby to have.... His? Yours? Both? If the baby is already going to have his surname, why can't you choose the baby's first name and he choose the middle name?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 May 2016):
 Now I know better than arguing with a heavily pregnant lady over the name for her first baby ! ( congratulations , btw ) but if I have to be honest, it's not that your reasoning is wrong, it's just that... isn't the whole thing a bit futile ? Or not so terribly important, at least. I see this like something you could negotiate about, or even that you could reconsider without losing face or harming your child in any way.
I mean, the uniqueness and individuality of your child will be in his DNA and in his own personality , not in his name. Otherwise all the zillions of John Smith in your country would be and feel like the carbon - copy of.. who ? The real, unique , original John Smith ?
A name is just a name, it's the person who's unique. Of course since you have to pick a name, might as well choose one that sounds good to both parents, but I would be flexible. So your bf is a , say, John James Smith and want his third child to be a John James Smith Jr. ? Well, all considered, it's even flattering. Reassuring. I mean, considering how he was an a...hole at first and questioned this child' s paternity etc., and now instead he wants him to share his name with him, and to create a line of continuity. Maybe this is your bf's way to admit, ok, I was an a...hole, sorry, now I do not have these silly doubts anymore.
I would not be even particularly sanguine about the other child having dad's name as middle name already. That's the beauty of middle names ( too bad they aren't much used here where I live ), that you can remember some special family member or respect a family tradition but it still sounds quite different. Your stepson will be, say, Robert John Smith , and your son John James Smith Jr.- it does not even sound so similar !
If you hate your bf's name it's another thing, otherwise you have no reason to feel that your boy won't be special just because there's other people sharing his name. There's always other people sharing a name ! Unless, of course, you go all out rockstar style and have Unit Moon Zappa , otherwise it's sort of inevitable that one gets namesakes. I have an unusual first name ( for Italy, in USA is rather common ) and an unusual surname and yet , fiddling on the web, I found out ,much to my surprise, that I have a namesake in Argentina.
Maybe you feel that your bf does not deserve choosing the name for this baby, after the a..hole way he acted before and how he spoiled the experience for you. Understandable : "ah so , first this is not even your kid and you want a DNA test, and now he is SO you kid that he must be JR. ? Pfui ! Go boil your head ! " It could be that, at some level, there's a little bit of that too. But, what is done is done, now he can't unsay what he said or undo what he did- the important thing is that he is happy affectionate, cooperative , present and a good dad FROM NOW ON.
If though, all things considered, I haven't convinced you :), and that name still does not sit well with you- eventually, YOU are the mom, and IMO in case of irreconciliable differences over baby's names- MOM gets to pick. As a little privilege earned by carryng that baby in her belly for 9 long uncomfortable months :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 May 2016):
 No, your reasoning isn't wrong at all. It's not up to a 5 year old step-brother to name the child or approve the name. While I DO think it's cute to involve the kids, that ONLY works if both MOM and DAD are on board with it. This is YOUR first child, it's a BIG deal.
I would tell the Bf this. I have been thinking about baby-boy's name and I don't want to Jr. to be a thing. You already HAVE one Jr. so by naming our son that as well, it takes the special away from "step son" AND our child. And I don't think that is right for EITHER boy.
It IS NOT your BF's "right" to name the child, or yours. It's something you sit down and figure out together.
With baby #1, my husband and I used a 10 name method. We BOTH sat down and wrote down 10 names we liked, then we swapped lists. I crossed out ALL the names from his list I didn't like/want and he did the same for mine. We ended up with 3 names. Out of those 3 we picked 2 that sounded good with our last name, and sounded good together.
With #2 we did the same, however I had a dream (you know how nutty pregnancy dreams can be.. I bet) and when I woke I told my husband that we had to change her name. SO we did.
With #3 I actually picked it out, but with help from our oldest daughter.
So all in all it was a collaboration. It wasn't husband versus me.
Now you and your husband CAN find a way to incorporate Dad's name into your baby's name. OR you can use YOUR father's, HIS father's, Grandfather's etc. There are literally MILLION if not more... name out there to choose from.
Also do you intend on giving your son HIS last name or your own? Since you are NOT married.... I'd lean towards your own last name, but of course do what's right for you.
Can I give you some advice that hasn't to do with the naming? Once your son is born, DO the DNA test. Because the eliminate your partners arguments and his dragging his feet, plus.. IF he doesn't stick around (let's be realistic here) he can't try and dismiss claims for child-maintenance.
Good luck.
And honestly, I'm SO sorry your BF has been an ASS during the pregnancy. Which again is part of the reason I say DO the DNA test. It will shot down any doubt.
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