A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:About thee months ago, my wife's old college sweetheart "Ken" moved next door to us. Ken was the all-American jock-football player, well built, and smart, and, I have to admit, nice. They dated for nearly 4 years until they each went to grad school in different states. Then Ken and his wife "Barbie" invited us over for drinks about 4 weeks after they moved in. My wife, M, had cringed at the idea, and came clean about her past relationship with him, describing it as close, but a thing of her past. I wasn't wild about the idea either. Anyway, Barbie, who had a couple of drinks even before we arrived, said during the evening that Ken had described my wife, "M," as the best lover he ever had, and that he's had many, and that M was a total freak in bed. Barbie also went on to say how special Ken was down there, "bet you miss that, honey!" M just laughed and nodded her head before she noticed that my jaw had hit the ground. I was a bit stunned on a few levels: Thing is, M has never been a freak with me in bed. We obviously had a fight when we got home, and she admitted that Ken was a great lover, even that she orgasmed almost every time they had vaginal intercourse (...she never has with me, only with oral and rubbing). Then, last week, I came home early, and Ken was in my kitchen, drinking ice tea, with no shirt, and tight grey athletic shorts - he was clearly aroused (though not erect), and he even turned his back to me to pretend he was looking out the window at his project (I think to hide his arousal). He still has the body of a young football player. M said that Ken was building a new stone wall, and was telling her about it. I live in a great neighborhood, great house, close to work, kids are happy - I don't want to move, but I am thinking it might be best. I see trouble ahead. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): you have an "enemy" right on your doorstep. what to do? set the ground rules NOW with your wife. tell her in no uncertain terms how uncomfortable you are with all this. do not invite them over. this will just be the excuse they all will need. your wife needs to know what is appropriate behaviour with them and what is not. Oh, and also tell the wife that ken is not allowed to come to your house when you are not around.all now rests with your wife, she should she get her act together and forbid more interactive meetings. wifey may also be excited at getting more attention from ken so be warned, spice up the bedroom scene with the wife. and yes, TELL HER/show her that you want some of the freakish bed behaviour she previously displayed. you do not want her to be visiting the neighbours now. oh, and also watch that wife, ken and barbie don't engage in threesomes..........this is too close to home, the only person who will get hurt is you. tread carefully but purposefully!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009):
There is nothing reasonable about having to listen to your wife & her ex regaling you with how much better their sex life was.
I think you do need to set some boundaries with the neighbors for sure. Maybe leave.
If your wife doesn't see crystal clearly what is wrong with this stuff lately, then maybe it's time to think about leaving HER.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): No More Playing with Ken and Barbie! It almost sounds like Barbie may have been hitting on your wife too! They may be into threesomes, or "swapping." You have big trouble brewing! I would sit my wife down and have a long talk with her, if I were you. Moving sounds like a drastic move, but then again, You know what they say...Drastic situations call for drastic measures! In the meantime you may want to have a little chat with Ken. Let him know (in a nice way) that your wife is OFF LIMITS! Tell your wife you want nothing more to do with them! If she resists...you have even more to worry about! Good Luck! It sounds like you are going to need it!
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A
male
reader, shades of blue +, writes (28 March 2009):
 My wife is currently in another state visiting family. She just had dinner with an old boyfriend (swears there is nothing there) and now is visiting another old fling. She called to confess she kissed him and wants to....well, I don't even want to say it. Tomorrow is when they meet up at his house.My wife has been super loyal, but recently admitted she never sowed her wild oats as a kid and wants to now. I have been her only partner. She wants to live a little. She feels safe with her old boyfriend and wants a one time deal. He is divorced and of course is more than willing to accommodate.We had multiple conversations before about this. Now that she is about to actually go threw with it, I'm very uncomfortable and feeling a bit lost and insecure.My point, do not put anything past your wife or her X. I would strongly suggest you talk to her. Not in a condemning way, but understanding of her feelings. Being honest and letting her know you could understand why she is tempted could open the door to a conversation about why she has been different with you.Being brutally honest is hard, but could bring you very close. After all, you would rather her tell you she is feeling turned on by past feelings than for her to hide her feelings and jump in the bed with him.It also sounds like Barbie is a bit of a freak also. This could lead to very wild stuff. Either stand beside her and communicate threw this, or you will be hurt.It could be as simple as your wife wants to now if she still has it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): Bad situation, anon. I don't think I like "Ken and Barbie", either. I would talk seriously with the wife about moving. This is your marriage and your life. You don't have to live or put up with this. It may have been a nice neighborhood, but it is not "nice" anymore. State your position. Either you move to a place you can live in and call it your home, or you and "Ken" are going to have a confrontation. If 'M' does not understand this, then explain it to her more forcefully. When I was a kid, my dad was the "head of the household". When he felt we needed to move, for a better job or promotion, then we moved. That was it. I would say that this is a necessary move, or, as you say, trouble will happen.
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