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male
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anonymous
writes: I used to scoff at the adage that the way to a man's heart is through stomach but my wife is making me to do a re-think. We've been married now for over 10 years and have three lovely children. My wife has been a good wife and mother. I have a very successful law practise and she has a fabulous jewellery/clothes store.My grouse is that her cooking leaves a bad taste in the mouth! Most of the time, she has a trained caterer come to the house to do the week's shopping to store enough food to feed an army. Before we finish eating it all it becomes stale and the meals become a nightmare.I've asked her to make more effort at cooking but apart from the usual take out we order the food in the house is something else. She told me that she is tired and doesnt know what else to do. She is thinking of getting a live-in cook and paid for by her but i still feel bad that she doesnt love me enough to want to know how to cook. Please help, thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (28 August 2006):
 Two simple solutions:
1. You do the cooking
2. Carry out
(BTW - are you living in the now or in the 1950's? lol I'm amazed that you even "let" her work instead of making her stay pregnant and barefoot. Sheesh. Sorry, but as a woman I find your question highly offensive - generally speaking.)
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (28 August 2006):
 Well according to you then I dont love my bf as he does all the cooking LOL.... Im bad in the kitchen well he says I am so he does the cooking, i have tried on the odd occasion but he says its easier left to him... who am to argue! so sometimes we do it togehter, or i do the clearing up... its called teamwork.. something a marriage should be... are you really that set in the 1950's ? no clearly not cos your wife goes out to work to and runs a business, she runs a business raises children and you expect to sit at home when you get in from work while she does all the cooking after goint to work and sorting out the kids? Hmm perhaps its you that doesnt love her... perhaps you want a working horse rather then a wife... yes this all sounds harsh but man come on... dont see you making the effort,.. so you dont love her enough then surely!! Its a two way street!! you only get out what you put in! make it joint venture... perhaps if you put in the effort so will she, but you really are onto a loser if you measure how much she loves you by how much she cooks for you....
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): Yah...okay
Well, after ten years you FINALLY decide to say something or do something about it?
Wait...you haven't done anything about it.
I agree with WildThang...get yer sorry arse into the kitchen...buy a kick ass bbq...hardly anything can be distasteful when grilling.
I agree with the two of you joining some cooking classes or do buy a cookbook and go through recipes so you can decide what works for you and wife.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (27 August 2006):
 Now that I am done with the peripheral complaint, let's get to the heart of the matter.
Both of you are busy career people, yet you expect your wife to run the house as well. If you were a divorce lawyer and your wife was your client, would you be able to advise her that she could get a good child support settlement because she essentially raises the children? Would you also tell her that she has a strong case because her husband has "a very successful law practice" and spends most of his time working on that while abdicating his responsibilities at home?
Your training as a lawyer should equip you to see the facts alone, even when it comes to personal matters like your family. Do that with your complaint.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): chauvanist////why dont you just do the cooking? whats your problem
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male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (27 August 2006):
Buddy, are you for real? You're playing us right?
If good cooking was one of your priority items in a wife then you chose poorly. But the choice was made and you had better get a grip (preferably of a spatula) and contribute to a solution to your gastronomic dilemma.
Buy some cookbooks from Jamie Oliver and get your sorry butt into the kitchen. He has some simple recipes that you could try or that you and your wife could try as fun "together time" activity.
That's about all you can do. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): is this a joke? i mean, really? are you kidding? if you have such a problem with her cooking, why don't you shut up and pick up a pot/pan or two and cook for her?? do you know how to cook? can you prepare an amazing meal? if not, how come she's not complaining that you don't love her enough to cook properly? i've never understood how people have the audacity to sit there and complain about a problem that they can EASILY fix. seriously, if it bothers you THAT much, cook your own meal. and if you can't cook your own meal because you don't know how, then stop complaining because you both are in the same boat. unreal. it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. it just means that there are other things she'd rather spend her time doing rather than cooking.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): How in god's name ...did you ever get the idea 'she doesn't love you enough because she won't cook for you??" After all the years, you have been married to this wonderful woman, who is a good Mother, who works hard at being a successful business woman and contributes daily to building a life with you...I totally agree with DrPsych, when I too, have to say " is this all you can complain about?" Sheesh...One word comes to my mind here...pettiness. Easy now...you've got be careful about 'pettiness' in a marriage. If it's not kept at bay, it can and will eventually destroy intimacy in an otherwise, happy, committed marriage. I am thinking your complaints may have a bit to do with your own sense of entitlement and that has to be addressed because wanting her to fit into what "you' think is the ideal wife" is going to wear you and her down. So tonight, why don't you take the bull by the horns and make supper, perhaps a bottle of wine is in order. Hold her close and look at her with compassion and try appreciating her for all the wonderful things she does do. If cooking isn't her forte, don't sweat the small stuff, life is too short! And maybe do her and you a huge favor...hire that cook. Good luck, dear
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (27 August 2006):
 I don't get it - you have a lovely wife and children, a good career and she works too...sounds like you got the package there, and if the only thing you have to complain about is her lumpy gravy then it isnt a great deal is it? You shouldnt see her catering abilities as anything to do with her love for you. If she works and brings up the kids, why should she spend whatever free time she has in cookery classes? If my husband brought home Delia Smith books for me I would beat the floor laughing. If you think she is not very good at organising the food, get involved in this yourself. As you both work then it makes sense that you both contribute to the household equally. Get the internet shopping delivery people around twice a week if your food is going stale...there is always room for compromise. Just as you may think her reluctance to cook is a sign that she doesn't love you 'enough', she may think your complaints about her cuisine is evidence that you don't love her 'enough'...
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