A
male
age
41-50,
*ommyrba
writes:Firstly, I love my wife very much and dont want to split up. She has recently suggested that she is not 'in love' with me anymore, sees me as a friend and that she wants to break up which I dont and want to make our marriage work. She had a bit of a wobble 12-18 months ago with similar feelings but then became pregnant with our little boy who is now 3 months old. We have been married for 2 1/2 years and together for nearly 6 years now.Within 4-6 weeks of him being born she was acting strange like she did 12-18 months ago and is devoid of emotion, distant and pretty much ignoring me most of the time. She wont call or text me like she used to even though she is constantly on her phone, she heads to the gym for 2-3 hours and the same with popping out for shopping etc and im worried that there might be someone else:/ I do as much as I can to help with our little baby as well as working but am struggling to keep trying when although she has agreed to try, is putting in no effort. She has now been diagnosed with PND which in my head explains why she is the way that she is but she thinks that that is seperate to her issues and feelings on our relationship?I am trying as hard as I can but have bad days when I get nothing back, any thoughts / ideas would be appreciated...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 March 2016):
 While Code Warrior's ideas are ok... it appears that much like in the USA the LORD MANSFIELD rule applies and that means that the man married to the baby's mother at the time of birth is the legal father. DNA be dammed.
https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/who-has-parental-responsibility
"A mother automatically has parental responsibility for her child from birth.
A father usually has parental responsibility if he’s:
married to the child’s mother
listed on the birth certificate (after a certain date, depending on which part of the UK the child was born in)"
Even if biologically the child is not yours LEGALLY the child is yours.
A
male
reader, tommyrba +, writes (7 March 2016):
tommyrba is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo .... I asked the question on Friday as to what is going on her with her and XXX as I know theres something shes not telling me. She then confirmed that she speaks to him as a friend as when she felt she had no-one to talk to when she became pregnant he was able to help and listen and during the pregnancy the same thing. She says that there is nothing else to it. She apologised and said that she had wanted to tell me and that it was a weight off her shoulders that I know but she felt she didnt want to tell me because of how I may react.As you can imagine Im not happy about it but mananged to retain that and simply said that those conversations need to be with me or her family.She says that he has never tried it on with her and that she has never cheated he is simply a friend who is there for her when she needs someone to talk to.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 You believe she has not cheated, but have you spoke to her about these phone calls? I think that's something you both need to discuss before use can start working on your problems.
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A
male
reader, tommyrba +, writes (4 March 2016):
tommyrba is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo a little update for you. I went ahead and did the phone bill check and their is a number that is prolific to say the least in terms of messaging and texting and its not mine!
The number is of a guy who is a friend of a friend and the calls are over the last 12 months with some as long as an hour plus at a time.
We had a conversation where I looked her in the eye and asked her if she had ever cheated on me and she looked me back and said no and I believe her but the above calls etc arent good and arent healthy for our relationship.
Any thoughts on my next steps would be appreciated....
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A
male
reader, tommyrba +, writes (19 February 2016):
tommyrba is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso apologies to Code Warrior as I attempted my rating of your response it took it as a one star with my first try at a rating when I wanted it to be higher, can I amend this?
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A
male
reader, tommyrba +, writes (19 February 2016):
tommyrba is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses which I wholey agree with but still want to give my wife the benefit of any doubt and also support her through the PND stage.
I think I will try and back off from trying too hard with her and just be a background support as much as I can until I know that she is past the PND issues that she has and then make the point as to what she wants as per your advice.
Many thanks though for taking the time to help.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 February 2016):
 I agree with Code Warrior on this. Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment not an arrangement to get a tax write-off. I'd suggest counselling for a pre-set agreed upon time of say two months and then revisit the whole issue with fresh eyes.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (18 February 2016):
I am sorry that you are in this situation. It is hard being a new mum, but people often forget that its just as hard being a new dad and that you need support as well.
Being diagnosed with PND can explain some off her behavior off course. However you have mentioned she felt like this a time before she got pregnant. So this makes me feel like she has had doubts in the past which is why she has some now. It can be hard to work on a relationship if she is not offering to try as well.
You need to just be straight with her. I hope she is getting help and support with the PND. Tell her you are there for her but that she needs to make the effort for you as well. Disappearing for hours on end is not helping the marriage. Try spending some time together away from your baby. Maybe at night, or get a babysitter so you can both spend quality time together. Run a bath together, have a nice meal. Go for a stroll. Maybe suggest you both go and see a therapist about getting your marriage back on track.
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