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My wife sends dirty text messages to guys on her phone..and she won't stop! What can I do?

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 January 2007) 20 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2008)
A male age , *rj writes:

I found 5 dirty text messages on my wife's work phone from another man she meets now and again on her job as a delivery person,

1 message read: "Man marries deaf girl. He says we must work out a code if I want sex I will stroke your left breast. u reply by pulling my penis once for yes or 50 times for no". My wife told him she couldnt send him any because it was a company phone.

I said to my wife does that mean you would be sending him dirty text messages if you had your own phone and what would his wife think if she found out he was sending you dirty text messages.

My wife also passed a message on to a man she works with, he has been in prison for drug dealing. she said he wanted the dirty text sent to him. I said to my wife that you must have showed it to him to want it texted to him. the text sent to this man said "Black baby dies and goes to heaven, god put wings on him and he asked am I an angel? God said no you stupid little c**t you're a blow fly, now fuck off." Ive told my wife I think its not right to receive and send dirty text messages to other men because it can lead to trouble and I wouldnt send them to other women. She said she will still send and receive the text if she wants and has now locked her phone. My wife has told me Im sick in the head to go on about the dirty text messages, Ive told her Im not the one receiving and sending the dirty messages to someone else's partner.My wife has hurt me deeply and I now dont know she thinks.If I had sent the dirty text to someone elses wife and my wife said she didnt like it. I would have said ok maybe Im wrong if you dont like it I'll stop but instead we ended up in a big argument

over it.My wife was also asked for sex by her boss,I never found out for six months that this happened.I thought most wives would have gone home and told their husbands but instead my wife said she egnored him and got on with her job she ended up leaveing the job.Before all this happened this christmas I brought my wife her own mobile, I now wonder what else I have to look foward too. can you please tell me what you think.

View related questions: christmas, in jail, my penis, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008):

I just wanted to say that I agree with you. Your wife should NOT be sending and/or receiving dirty texts. My x-boyfriend was doing the same thing and we got into a huge fight about it and he calls me jealous. I tried to explain to him that it's not jealousy, it's an issue of respect. (This same girl that was sending him dirty texts also gave his number to another girl who started trying to hook up with him - now that pissed me off!) He, just like your wife, should have had enough respect for us to quit if it was something that bothered us. If I were you, I would sit down and have a talk with her. If this is something that you definitely cannot live with, then you need to tell her that - but you need to be ready to walk away from your marriage if she isn't willing to quit. Of course, I would seek counseling first before giving up on a marriage. Perhaps there is an underlying issue that a non-biased third party could unfold. Good Luck and God Bless.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

This sounds like some type of a foreward text message. If it is don't stress too much she means it only as a joke. If it isn't then stress a little bit about it. But it seems the problem lies more in your wifes disrespect of the relationship you two hold. If it is truly bothering you she should at least give you courtesy of explaining without attitude

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A female reader, Lady lilly New Zealand +, writes (29 April 2008):

well all i can say mate is click on my name and go to my question and then you will no what unfaithful texting is. My husband say's his r just jokes too, but his ARE'nt! A joke is "a man walks into a bar and say's". A dirty text is i need to see u b4 i explode i want to put my C=== in F--ny. I am heart broken. Give your wife the benefit of the doubt and discuss it more sounds like deffinatly jokes to me unlike my situation. Good like you sound like a good husband :)

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A female reader, angelina-katey United States +, writes (8 April 2008):

angelina-katey agony aunti had the same situation at home my best friend was sent me stuff like that'd and my husband was trippin , yesterday he showed me one of hes friend did sent hem something dirty i told hem see its something normal stop trippin .

do the same let her test a test from her own medizine

she have to feel what u feel

angelina

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A male reader, jeramy United States +, writes (7 April 2008):

First thing is first, its text right? Which means the dudes at work have her phone number! Why do they have her phone number. If some guy my wife worked with had her phone number and sent her dirty texts, id have something waiting for her when she came home. Just like i dont have any girls phone numbers and sit there and text them all day long. I agree dude, she is in the wrong. and for telling you she is still going to do it, well, strip club it is, see how she likes that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008):

First thing is first, its text right? Which means the dudes at work have her phone number! Why do they have her phone number. If some guy my wife worked with had her phone number and sent her dirty texts, id have something waiting for her when she came home. Just like i dont have any girls phone numbers and sit there and text them all day long. I agree dude, she is in the wrong. and for telling you she is still going to do it, well, strip club it is, see how she likes that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008):

OMG! what a cow

if i was dating sum1, or even MARRIED! to a guy who sent dirty texts to his girl friends i wud b pissed...

come on its obvious ur far too good for her

she's stupid she shouldnt be talking about anything sexual with other men, she has a husband for goodness sake, what more does she want?! fair enough, its okay to have friends of the opposite sex when youre married, but come on, look @ the manner of speaking.... she sounds abit trampy tbh

get rid of her.... Sket!!! yuk!

best of luck findin a Real woman who deserves u!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008):

Okay, I understand you being upset and all but seriously they are just jokes, my husband gets them from his friends, men and women, I get them also, we read them to each other and laugh. You should feel lucky that you have a wife that has a good sense of humor and having friends that send text messages aren't bad hun. A bit of advice, laugh it off and tell her you don't care about it and you over reacted, you'll push her away if you try to take her freedom of being who she is away. It's not cheating, it's just humor, and yes the jokes are dirty but they are forwarded messages that everyone of us get and we just forward them to all of our friends...no biggie...hope it all works out for you and for your sake I really hope she doesnt find out about this blog...that would piss any woman off...lol

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008):

OMFG!!!!

She sounds like a right bitch.

you deserve someone tht appreciates you & doesnt need to go looking for fun from other men.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008):

Hey,

Im a female and im 21yrs old ive been in a relationship for 5 yrs, i do the same as ur wife and my partner does get cut up about it sumtimes but it is just jokes. It is not like we r cheating it is simply just havin fun!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008):

well dude im sorry im 11 years old i found this lookin up a song divorce her or start giving her flowers and stuff and her guilt will build up and she'll tell you then say its ok she'll stop if she doesnt dump her

well good luck lol i cant even believe im wrighting this

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007):

Hey guys,

Most of you sound prety harsh with your responses, how about giving this poor fella some decent advice like the gentleman bellow has said to try for some counselling.

Not everyone has the same frame of mind when it comes to relationships.

I for one would certainly not be happy with my wife (i'm not married yet - hopefully will be june coming) to share dirt text messages with others, and my girlfriend who is sitting right here besides me, says she wouldnt be happy if i did the same.

Wouldnt mind my wife sending funny jokes to others to make them smile, but i think there is a line between funny jokes and dirty jokes.

The person who wrote "you are being a moralistic fool. Your wife sounds like she has a funny sense of humour. Stop trying to control her (this will destroy your marriage) and accept you are insecure and prudish. Deal with it!"

You sound like one of them mr perfect wana bees. This poor, confused guy has wrote here for advice, because may be he has no other place to talk about his matter, not to be made fealt small by your harsh approach.

My friend, just try and keep your mind off the idea that she may be cheating on you, because as far as it goes, she probably isnt, unless ofcourse if you no of any solid incidents. If not, try accepting this text message thing to be normal, and if you dont feal happy abput it, talk to her like a gentlemen would in a peacful manner, if need being try and persuade her nicely about counciling if non of you are happy.

Best Wishes

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007):

Hey , So strange about your girl ,not that she dont love you but her feellings is that she dont use to fall in love with any body she preffered shiiiit around with any body she likes and never love to know the truth of what cause this ask her to tell you much about the story of her life from the begining till when you met her. she may be mislead by smthing happened to her long time ago.

F.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007):

Please. I send & receive the same kinds of msgs from all my friends, including the married men. The msgs are just JOKES, supposed to make you LAUGH. It's not cheating, hell it's not even close! Your wife seems like she has an awesome sense of humor & enjoys sharing it with others. And she was smart not to tell you about her boss, seeing the way you react to a joke!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007):

Oh for the love of god get with it mate!! It's 2007 technology does move forward you know! I for one enjoy a good laugh via text messages, it's harmless fun.

And only becomes a problem if you read into it to much (Like you are doing). Wow people send funy emails to each other too, does that mean your having an affair? NO !! Your helping to put a smile on peoples faces! How old are you anyway?? Stop being so paranoid and lighten up a bit.

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A male reader, yoyouyont +, writes (7 January 2007):

you are being a moralistic fool. Your wife sounds like she has a funny sense of humour. Stop trying to control her (this will destroy your marriage) and accept you are insecure and prudish. Deal with it!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007):

Hey, they are just jokes...my friends send me the same ones! You have nothing to worry about!! Just laugh!! Don't do anything rash...or the joke will be on you!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007):

For goodness sake, they're not dirty texts, they're jokes. You may or may not like them, but they're just jokes. Don't be so possessive and don't be so wet.

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A female reader, aphexinfinite United Kingdom +, writes (3 January 2007):

aphexinfinite agony auntto me the txt are rude jokes = "Man marries deaf girl. He says we must work out a code if I want sex I will stroke your left breast. u reply by pulling my penis once for yes or 50 times for no". nothing with a bit of a laugh some folk dont like rude jokes but each to their own i say..my mum sends me jokes like that all the time because their ment to be a bit of a laugh and we aim to have fun. i think you and youre wife have different ideas when it comes to the messages, i f i were you ide talk to her calmly and rationaly that you dont like these messages but u wish she wouldnt send them, but it is up to her in the end you can only ask her to stop. and second of all yes ure married but it doesnt give you a right to look at her mobile phone its like looking through her diary..so no wonder she had locked her phone so you cant read them and probally to avoid more arguments thats all i have to say on the matter hope it works out well for you xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007):

How about looking forward to some marriage counselling to sort our your lack of communication and listening skills? Both of you are suffering from this.

Has wife always prefered the "dirty jokes"? Is wife one of those women that get along better with male friends than female friends? Has Wife ever been seen as "one of the guys"?

Did you know wife was like this when you married her and told her she had to change or did you accept it and work with it and NOW are starting to have issues over Wife's behaviour/friendships because you feel threatened as you are aging?

I agree that Wife should have told you about her Boss's inappropriate offer and it is good she quit the job, don't you think?

If you honestly believe she is cheating on you and you can no longer trust her...what are you prepared to do?

Please get some couple's counselling to address the communication and trust issues.

Best Wishes.

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