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My wife says she has never masturbated, surely this cant be true or can it?

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Question - (4 December 2007) 8 Answers - (Newest, 5 December 2007)
A male Australia age 41-50, *elp me please my wife writes:

i have asked my wife to masturbate when we are making love but she told me that she has never masturbated before and that it is not her thing i dont think she is telling me the truth do

the question is do all women masturbate and lie about it

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A male reader, Help me please my wife  Australia +, writes (5 December 2007):

Help me please my wife is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for all of the your answers they have help me see thing from a diffrent angle fhanks heaps

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A male reader, chlez83 Zambia +, writes (5 December 2007):

My girlfriend is one of the women who don't musturbate and doesn't like to do it even while having sex,so there are women who don't.It's really upto you.If you really wana see her touch herself,why don't you touch her and if she feels good,next time she'll be the one touching herself where you were touching her.Continue asking her what she likes and you'll soon make her musturbate in your presence.Your creativity's important.

All the best.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007):

Women are unfortunately sent a lot of confusing, conflicting, often negative messages about their bodies. I have been able to reach orgasm for as far back as I can remember but like mentioned above I've known women who can't even look at themselves or say the word "vagina." Its really to bad, too, because its a potential carnival down there. =)

My very self-analytical girlfriend has been trying to with a lot of success to play with masturbation and orgasm but its been over years and she only started when she was was 22. She asked me A LOT of questions about "what to do." It seems weird to explain something that seemed so natural to someone, let alone an older woman. She couldn't wait to call me one day when she came during self-penetration and left me three voice mails, lol.

Anyway, yes, its possible that there is any combination of masturbating or not, lying about it or not, and if she doesn't it isn't uncommon for women to just detach form their sexuality, the organs in particular, for any number of reasons.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007):

Well I touch myself. Its not like something I talk about with people but I do it. I would think that if you are human you masturbate. So she could be lying. But then again you are asking a very personal question.

Look there is nothing wrong for you asking her to do stuff for you but its not about what you say, its about the way you say it. "Masturbate" sounds so scientific and judgemental. It even makes me uncomfortable. Instead of asking her to "masturbate" why don't you ask in a sweet way to touch herself or just ask her to touch her pussy for you. Just RE-WORD it and make it sound more appealing.

And make her feel COMFORTABLE. Like the way that you are even questioning her honesty seems like you are not making her feel comfortable and safe with you but rather like you are attacking her or trying to find something wrong with her. Believe me there are much worse things that she could be doing. So accept her and love her for who she is. And you should BELIEVE her. And let her come around or open up to you on her own time. And not just simply to appease your suspicions. Just let her be. The more you are unjudgmental and accepting of people the more they will open up to you and you will get what you want. So be nice.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (5 December 2007):

TasteofIndia agony auntHey sweetness,

Not everyone masturbates. Crazy, right? But she isn't a freak, she isn't alone. Buy her a rabbit - one of the really cute ones. Soon she'll be curious and won't be able to resist using it. But don't bother her about it, don't make her feel weird about it. A good website for her to check out is:

It's a site dedicated to female masturbation.

If she's just not into, don't force her, don't pressure her. Maybe that's just not her thing.

Good luck, sweetness!


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A female reader, missmel34 Australia +, writes (5 December 2007):

missmel34 agony auntSad but true. Theres a lot of women who are really hung up about their bodies. Buy her a vibrator, use it on her and get her to help you hold it. Its a slow process. But the more she is able to understand her body, her orgasm...the better the sex.

Good Luck

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A female reader, Dhar United States +, writes (5 December 2007):

Dhar agony auntAnswer -

No, not all women masturbate and not all women lie and not all women masturbate and lie about it.

Some women masturbate and tell the truth about it.

Some women don't masturbate and lie about it.

Anyway - I have female friends that are so disconnected with their va-gigi that they won't even look down there let alone rub it until they reach orgasm. These female friends have a difficult time reaching orgasm and would often rather not have sex than have it.

Was your wife abused? Are you sure she orgasms with you? Was she raised in a strict or religious household? These questions might illuminate the issue a bit more.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (5 December 2007):

Danielepew agony auntMan, some women don't masturbate. Unbelievably so, some men (a few) don't, either.

If she won't do it herself...

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