A
male
age
36-40,
*acksonville100%
writes:My Wife of 2 1/2 years is leaving me because i was unfaithful on more than one occasion. I realized I messed up and want to fix it, but she just keeps saying no. no matter how much i beg and plead that ive changed and will get better, she doesn't trust me and said she has fallen out of Love with me. Is there any chance of me getting her back? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, tby1  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 im now in a similar position and cant get over it. i never physically cheated thou, only ever text, emailed, flirted, and some pics. she has forgiven me afew times, but after 7 years and 2 sons you would think she would try again, but no she has decided to ruin all ours lives by making us split up. i wont ever get over this. cant bear the thought of spending the rest of my life alone and without her. She was all i wanted and always be. thing is ive learnt my lessons, would never do anything wrong again but she wont listen to me. ive been asked out by many women, im attractive to women but im not interested in them, same as i wasnt when i was with my x. i just liked the attention. i dont know what to do. problem i have is her family have stuck there horrible faces and attitudes into this and im sure these scum bags are causing us issues and talking her out of seeing me and are doing all they can to help her so im not needed. 6 to 4 weeks ago she kept inviting me round, having mind blowing sex like we used to, was very close, she told me i was right that she did love me still. since then weve not seen each other and i dont wanna see our sons just now to help me understand whats going on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): Your wife deserves better, too little too late, she gave you more than one chance and you abused her forgiveness and love. Infidelity is the hardest thing to forgive and forget and no one deserves the pain, but you repeated this kind of pain on your wife. Be honest does she not deserve better as a woman and a human being. I think you have broken the sacred rule in life she forgave more than once, be honest with yourself and think about her as a woman and your real needs in the future. You maybe can never really be faithfull so why not be single then you can do as you want no hurting anyone else and she can move on to find a man who only wants and loves her and her alone, we all deserve trust and respect, you cheated her off both.I hope you find what you really need out of life and you don't end up falling in love with someone who breaks your trust in the future.I speak from experiance,my wife cheated on me and broke my heart even though she says she never wanted us to break up, so like you she just wanted to have sex elsewhere and then come back to me because I am a good man and would never cheat on her, so I know exactly how your wife must feel.Let her go and live again without your pain inflicting on her time and time again.Once we can forgive but more is really abusing her love for you.
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (12 February 2009):
When someone breaks our trust one time, that is hard enough to get past. With each subsequent lie, the trust becomes that much harder to re-establish. At some point, there is usually no turning back. This is when the damage is done, and it cannot be repaired. It is sad but true.
I think this is the point where your wife now resides. She kept giving you chances, which is noble of her. Unfortunately, quite often when we give someone another chance, they take advantage of that and continue betraying our trust. They think we will just keep right on forgiving, as we've done before. They think it gives them license to continue their damaging behavior. They don't realize just how damaging their behavior is to the relationship, and to our self-esteem. At some point we have to leave just to try to survive emotionally. The damage that has been done affects our future relationships. Sometimes we feel as though we no longer want to even have a relationship with anyone else in the future - that's how bad a taste it can leave in our mouths. We get to the point where we have nothing left inside of us, nothing left to give. We get to the point where we have no more tears to cry over you. We shut down emotionally, for our own sanity, for our own survival. We have emotionally detached from you. There is a line to be drawn, and there is only so much a person can take. That threshold is different for each individual.
I would say you have crossed that line one too many times, and your wife has taken all she intends to take.
Be gracious and considerate and understanding. Let her go in peace. Learn a lesson. Don't repeat your behavior ever again in the future, with anyone else. If you think this will be an ongoing problem for you in the future b/c this is just your nature (be honest with yourself), then get help for yourself so that you don't sabotage anymore relationships. Get yourself into counseling, read up on the subject, and do what needs to be done to make yourself right. Don't make someone else your next victim.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 February 2009):
 My guess is that you have the same chance that a snowball has in Hell. Reap what you sow.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Why did you feel the need to cheat on her sooooooo many times?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): You cheated on her several times and you wonder why she wont take you back? SERIOUSLY!
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female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (11 February 2009):
 Nope. I don't believe you have any chance of getting her back. She's actually pretty smart for leaving. She's hurt and don't want you to hurt her, yet again. People say they change, and more than half the time, they really don't. If you have been unfaithful to her on more than one occassion, you didn't learn from the first time obviously and just kept doing it, KNOWING that this could be a consequence. You got what you deserve. Maybe in your next relationship, you'll be smarter and not cheat on your significant other. If she has fallen out of love with you, it's due to your own actions and you can't blame anyone but yourself.
Good luck with your future relationships. Hope you learned a lesson!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Understand her, you had more than one shot at forgiveness, maybe she will find someone who loves her and her alone and she can walk freely from lies and deceipt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Your wife is probably so hurt by your thoughtless actions I really dont blame her for not wanting to give you another chance. You obviously dont love her very much to have cheated on her when you have only been married 2 and half years. You have shown her that you have no respect for her as a person, or for her feelings. Funny how once we dont have something we realise just how much we have lost due to our actions! Suggest you get some therapy to help you to understand why you are a serial cheater. Although I am a great believer in "a leopard never changes its spots" and I think that if your wife did give you another chance you would cheat on her again!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Why is it that we humans never seem to know what we have until we loose it? I don't really know whether your wife will give you any more chances, but as someone who has been cheated on by my husband I can say this. I have stayed to see if we can rebuild our relationship and regain the trust that was shattered, I am giving him/us a second chance - but I want you to know that there are truly no words to describe the devastation that discovering an affair causes the victim - it is actual physical pain and the loss of everything about yourself, your partner, your world that you thought you knew and could trust or rely on. It is THAT big - and to recover from it is no small feat for even the strongest person. Your wife gave you a second chance - after you took her heart and broke it into a million pieces, she made the difficult and terrifying choice to risk her heart again. You hurt her again - on more than one occassion.Why would ANY woman forgive that? I know I wouldn't be able to. The saddest thing is that she probaby does still love you - but you have proven to her that sometimes love is just not enough. I only hope her experience with you doesn't prevent her finding true happiness and the loving, trusting relationship she deserves.The only advice I can give you is to try and deal with this character fault of yours, get therapy - so that if you are ever lucky enough to find someone again you will be able to truly commit to them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Most women stay because they still love the person if she doesn't love you any more then you may have to accept it's over.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (11 February 2009):
I very much doubt you have a chance to be honest.
Right now she is very angry at you, as anyone would be, you have also shown her that you are not the man she thought you were and that is going to be the hardest thing to fix.
As you have discovered, begging won't work, promises to change are useless as well as you have already broken your vows.
You have to give her a bit of space to calm down.
All you can do is be you for a while and show her that she does know who you are, she did fall in love with YOU and not some fantasy man, that this is the real you. You also have to be completely honest with her about why you did it and let her know where you are at all times so she knows you are where you say you are and not off with some other woman.
Ask her to come for counselling with you, show that you are willing to really put the effort in.
But at the end of it, you didn't care for her enough when you cheated MULTIPLE times, so the chances of her believing you've suddenly started to give a damn now are pretty slim.
Good Luck!! xx
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