A
male
age
41-50,
*illysmith
writes:My wife and I are married for a little over 4 years. We were dating/engaged for about 3 years before that. So we have a lot of history and a great marriage. Question is, my wife recently set up a myspace account (with my help, she is a little computer illiterate). Since we share everything, I occasionally log onto her computer to check her settings and such (she has gotten spyware before, so I do check around once a month or so). Well, one of her friends on her myspace account is an ex-boyfriend. I recognized his name, and looked through old photo albums, and it was a guy she dated. I don't see any evidence of her e-mail or chatting with him, but still.... I think this is way way wrong. I mean, it's not like she loved him or something, but they did date for about 1 year and were intimate (high school boyfriend). I don't think it's right (actually I think it's VERY WRONG) that she has him as a myspace friend. I don't know if she looked him up and requested him to be a friend or if he searched her out and she just 'accepted' him as a friend. Even if that is the case, she shouldn't have done that, and should have told me about it.I can just delete him as a friend and see if anything comes of it, or I can confront her as to why she has an 'ex' as a myspace friend. I don't want to make more of this than there is, but I don't want to be a 'blind idiot' if there is communication going on. Should I delete him? or Confront her? or Install monitoring software to see what she types on her computer before I say anything.Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): I kinda have the same situation. I would say just be calm about it and try not to have any wrong confrontation. Sometimes its hard to get over someone you may have once loved but that person is her ex for a reason and married to you. Just keep saying you love her and show it.
A
female
reader, pgissyd  +, writes (27 January 2008):
 I have an account with one of these programmes, and I just taped in random names that I could half remember from my childhood, even hunting out old boyfriends for curiosity sakes.
Then you find the name but your not sure if its them, so you request to view their profiles, then they know your looking at them and they ad you as a friend weather you like it or not.
Now its likely they emailed when they first recognised each others names, things like,'wow how are you doing'? and rememeber when we...' and stuff like that, but I assure you it wouldnt have been anymore than that.
I think half my friends are ex's or guys I had a thing for, however I dont see any of them like that at all anymor, I love my husband, nd I sure he wouldnt have a problem, well he might do but if he is that insecure its his problem :D
There are two I would never add as friends, one I was practically married to, and another I had a very bad break up with. I would not add them as that would be crossing the line.
So is this guy a childhood sweetheart, or they end on bad terms? was it a fling or a serious relationship? dont judge by years, judge by how serious it was.
If this ex was the one directly before you for instance, then it could be difficult, if she lived withhim, or if e was bad to her, then there may be a problem. But tobe totally honest, woen are not like men, jus because the guy is there doesnt mean we are gonna devour him :D
If he is her ex, e is her ex for a reason.
Seriously though, I think if this wa a serious boyfriend, then you need to ask her about him.
Start omething like..
'I see you added *name* what was he like? ... Were ou to serious? .... Whats he doing with his life now`, is he married?
Stufflike that, be interested not accusing, the more interested you appear, the more shewill tell you and the more rlaxxed she will be.
go in guns blazing 'whats this guy doing on you account! iM deleting him' Will make her clam up and you will onl;y have questions with no hope of answers. you may also find that if she cannot trust you to trust her, she will star hiding things from you.
So do it the right way and rest assured, with women, the case is usually, 'Once and ex, always an ex'
take care now x
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (25 January 2008):
 I wouldn't make an issue out of it and go jumping to conclusions. I agree with Annalisa for the record :)
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A
female
reader, _Freya_  +, writes (25 January 2008):
 Hi,Take a female opinion on that. Don't delete him. I also do not think you have anything to worry about. If she had something to hide she would make sure you don't know her myspace password. As it is it seems she does not have any secrets from you as. And after all she did marry you not him right?If you confront her she might change her password and shut you out. Also the forbidden fruit tastes the best so this can have an opposite effect to what you are expecting.Just keep on telling her you love her. Works wonders!Good luck_Freya_
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): If I were you I wouldn't delete him or confront her. The last thing any marriage needs is a confrontation. Why not ask her about this ex in a rational way? She's with you now rather than him and you say you have a great marriage. Why spoil it? It's not nice to go spying unless there's a very good reason for doing so.
Jealousy and insecurity are two of the most destructive emotions there are. Most people have got exes, and I personally don't see any problem in remaining friends with them if we parted on good terms. But then, I'm very, very secure in my relationship and have absolutely no worries about my better half being in touch with any of her exes.
Phil
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (25 January 2008):
 Hi
I wouldnt go deleting it. She might not be great on pc's but that doesnt mean you go deleting contacts on her profile pages.
Depends how you feel about this guy, what kinda threat he would be to you. If you have a good marriage, is there a risk?
She might just be finding her way round how myspaz works (sorry thats my name for the site) and added him just to be able to say she has friends on there, thats how the site works right?
I wouldnt be totally o'fe (sp) with it myself. But i would have a chat first before all this deleting stuff and installing spy kits. Surely thats going behind her back and not too dissimilar to what your worrying about here?
C xxxxx
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