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My sister is dating someone that doesn't seem right for her. What should I do?

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Question - (27 May 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 28 May 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Help! My sister is dating this guy and he doesn't seem right for her at all. What should I do? Should I tell her or shut up and pretend to be happy for her? The absolutely biggest reason that I can point out is that she really wants kids and pretty soon too (she's 32) and he doesn't. Ever. On this matter she just says she can persuade him eventually. But I don't think so. I mean, if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. Also there are issues with money. She has money which she wants to share with him buying a house for them. And he has money (not really as much) which he doesn't want to share at all. What should I do? Please help.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010):

Telling her would only be opening a whole can of worms. She is blinded by love and until she realizes that she deserves better, she's still going to be with him. While it hurts and is frustrating to see this happening to her, it is best to keep your opinions to yourself right now. She'll come crying to you when she finally sees the light.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 May 2010):

Honeypie agony auntI would tell her IF she asked what you thought about the guy. Otherwise... it's her life, her mistakes.

You may be sisters but that doesn't always mean you have the same taste in men.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (27 May 2010):

Just be there with the box of tissues. This is going to go wrong. He wont' change his mind about children, and you can be sure that she will probably lose her money in this mess. But she has to make her own mistake. There is no way she will listen, so just be there for when it goes wrong.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (27 May 2010):

Danielepew agony auntI am sorry to say it this way, but this is your sister's business.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (27 May 2010):

dirtball agony auntYup, you can tell her that you don't think he is right for her, but it could alienate your relationship. If you do tell her, don't press the issue. Let her know that you will always be there for her, but that you don't agree with this situation. LazyGuy is right about people in love digging in rather than listening.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (27 May 2010):

LazyGuy agony auntSimple answer: Would you listen if the roles were reversed?

Just tell her plain and simple what you think about it all and leave it at that. Don't become judgemental or try to save her from herself. That rarely works.

How far you can go depends on your relationship but people in love tend to dig themselves in when they face opposition.

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