A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently met a guy when I was out with some friends, including my roommate, who was one of my best friends at the time. The two of us hit it off right away, and he spent the entire night by my side, talking and joking with me. He walked me home to the house I shared with my roommates, then kissed me. (The roommate who was out with me had another boy walk her home, and they were...uh...busy elsewhere.) I was flattered by this boy's attention, but the night ultimately ended with nothing more than a kiss and an exchange of friendly goodbyes. The following Saturday, he called to ask me for a date, but I couldn't answer my phone. When I called him back, I got his voicemail. I left a message saying that a date would be fun, and that he should call me back. I didn't hear from him.The Monday night after the Saturday he called, my roommate didn't come home after she went out to the bar. The next day, she acted really sheepish around me. And I got a bad feeling. Long story short, she had gone home with the boy who had been interested in me, and she had slept with him. She confided in a mutual friend that she knew I liked him, and she didn't know if SHE liked the guy, but he was cute and she wanted to see where it would go. I figured out what had happened by Tuesday afternoon. I was hurt, and told my roommate that I was disappointed about what happened. She said, "Thanks for telling me how you feel. But, you know, I'm going to do what I need to do."Aside from the fact that this guy was a jerk, I'm hurt by a friend who would be willing to essentially "steal" someone she knew I liked and was excited about from under me, especially when she knew I was looking to start a relationship and she just wanted to have fun. I can't move out, and I can't seem to communicate to her how mean her behavior is. (This is the first time in this particular situation, but she's done other things to sabotage my dates and potential relationships before.)What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advice and encouragement! It really helps.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Unfortunately, this happens a lot with Uni friendship, for guys and girls. My son's friends still don't seem to understand the cardinal rule, don't sleep with friends ex's and crushes. It's a good way to find out who your friends are and how much you can trust them, but that's about all that's good about it. She is obviously very jealous of you if she does this all the time. Such an odd thing, jealousy. She admires you so much that she wants what you want in order to prove to herself that she has worth, in the meanwhile, losing your friendship and trust. And she has to cat around to do it! Those are all HER character flaws. I know that it is very hurtful, even if you know the answer. But what the other Aunties and Uncles said is very true, the guy worthy of your affections won't fall for her nonsense. And don't trust or confide in your roommate, even if you are dying to talk to someone. You now know exactly how far you can trust her. Karma will bite her in the Ass.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Seems like you have your very own 'filter' to sort out the good guys from the bad. Meet them first. Let them meet your roommate. If they sleep with her behind your back, you had a lucky escape. If they don't - might be worth considering for longer term?
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A
female
reader, Serinity  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Well first of all, I'm sorry, the whole situation really sucks. But as crazy as it seems right now, you should be thankful that your friend brought that side out of him before you got hurt. No, I don't think it was right for her to take a future "potential" boyfriend from you, BUT if HE was willing to turn around and sleep with HER (KNOWING she was a friend of yours)after asking you out on a date, and not returning your acceptance, then he is NO good! He probably would have eventually done it anyway and at least this way you were not attached or in love with him. It's not your fault, he was probably just looking for some "nookie" and through her actions, he knew he could get it from her 1st. So don't blame yourself because you're not a slut. The only reason this is happing is because your REAL true love is out there, just waiting for the right moment, and if you were tied up with some looser, you might miss the opportunity. Let her have him because she will be the one who endures the heartache in the end, not you. Consider it a favor! And in the future (until you can move out), when you meet a potential boyfriend, I would keep him as far away from her as possible. Or you could use her as bait. If she is constantly trying to take your boyfriends (and I think it stems from jelousy) then let her try. The one who doesn't pay her any attention is probably the man that you could spend the rest of your life with. Just suggestions. But try not to be too upset about it. I know, she's your friend and she should't do things like that right? Well, TRUE friends don't do that. So I would really reconsider your friendship with her. Good luck! You can e-mail me if you'd like!
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