A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a guy for 7.5 years, and everything was going fine until about April of this year,(December now) until I found out that he was registered on several gay dating sites and has a profile complete with risque pictures... I confronted him about it and he claimed that in January, someone at work told him that I was cheating on him with him (which is not true at all), so his natural reaction was to apparently get back at me by inviting guys to come over during the night while i am in bed, to "talk and smoke pot"... His sob story worked on me the first time, and I figured everything would be fine after that.... Until I caught him (actually a good friend of mine would acquire this information and send it to me) three more times over the next 7 months registered on several dating sites, and the images kept getting even more risque. He almost completely stopped spending the night with me in our bed in favor of "accidentally falling asleep on the recliner" where he is CONSTANTLY on his ipod texting who knows who... He also took every single picture of us together down off of the walls; his excuse?.. because he wanted to take them to Walmart and get them copied, (which its been two months and no copies are made, and pics are still down)... I try to speak with him and tell him exactly how I feel, but he turns it around and makes me the bad guy.I just don't know what to do... I love him, but I don't know if I can take getting played anymore... PLEASE HELP!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2012):
 he's lying and cheating on you right under you nose.... and you are allowing it.
Its' time to part ways. Hard to do after 7 years but it's probably the only way...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): I don't think his intentions are pure. If he heard you cheated, he should talk to you. If he didn't actually hear that, then it's just an excuse after being caught doing something he didn't want you to know about.
As for his not sleeping in the same room, while I doubt he's stupid enough to bring someone into your living space while your there, it does add to the distance.
And the pictures, that just reeks of lies lies lies. The image I'm getting at least is that he doesn't want them around in case he has someone else over.
Anyway, my advice:
1) communicate. Every relationship can be mended if both parties contribute.
2) Don't cling onto him if he isn't making an effort in return. Still, if he needs space, give it. And that doesn't always mean a break up. Look up the push pull dynamic
3) don't let him walk all over you. If he turns it around on you, be confident that you haven't cheated, nor done anything as damaging. Stand up for yourself. It might be scary, but don't define yourself by your man, dont let him be your only happiness in life
Overall, don't push hard on what wont budge. Communicate. Give space. And recognize when it needs to end. It needs to end if both parties are hurting each other, and they aren't mending. If its dead, then let it end.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 December 2012):
 Why stick around? All he does is lie and cheat? I mean do you really think the "normal" response to your partner cheating is to sign up for dating sites and get "revenge sex" ? Does that sound at all logical to you?
I'm sorry I think your relationship have run it's course and he is pushing you away in favor of random strangers. If it was me, I would pack his stuff up and tell him to find a new home asap. Or I would pack my OWN stuff and just move out.
He isn't going to change.
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