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My parents are splitting up...help!!

Tagged as: Family, Marriage problems, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 January 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2009)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My Parents have been married for 21 years...ever since they were teenagers themselves but my dad was offered a job which meant he would be away a lot coming back every 2 weeks but after about 4 months of this he started coming home less often and my mum just thought that it was because the job was very important and that he needed to be there to keep the office in order. well at the begining of december while on holiday my dad told my mum tha he was leaving her and my mum asked if there was anyone else and he said no one important, on the 23rd of december 2 days before christmas he tells my mum that he is in love with another woman. that night me my brother (who is 5 years older and has recently left home) and my mum sat down with my dad and tried to get him to re-think everything and show him that we love and need him at home. I must admit christmas was pretty crappy my dad still adamant that he was leaving us but claimed he would still come back every weekend, but its more likely to be every other weekend.

Ihave so many problems with this whole situation, im almost 16 and because im the only one who lives with my mum i am the only one who is here to support her all the time but when ever i try to comfort and help her she just getts more upset and i feel helpless.

another problem is i still love my dad but hate him at the same time for puting my mum through all of this pain which i see all the time.

and on top of that ive got the OMG my parents are splitting up and im sure many of you know that that is hard to take in that your parents will never be the same again.

i feel quite alone because my mum cant help me because she is as cut up as it is and with my brother moved out i feel like i am on my own.

all the time so many thoughts running round my head and i just dont know what to do soon i will have to go back to school for my last 6 months for my GCSEs which are another pressure which i will have to deal with soon and i will have to tell my friends that my parents are splitting up how the hell am i suposed to do that without eithe getting agry or upset?

View related questions: christmas, moved out, on holiday

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009):

hey there, your story sounds familer. I'm the same age (with a brother whose 17 going on 18 and off to uni soon) and my mum and dad are talking about spliting up but i found out my dad was cheating (i havent told anyone)I wish I could give you good advice but i'm not sure what to do myself. I thought we had the 'perfect' family but apparently not. I suppose all we can do is try and get through things as well as possible. I'm not going to let it get in the way of my exams and social life because I don't think it deserves to. Good luck, hope things work out for you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (3 January 2009):

Honeypie agony auntBe open with your dad. If you get him for a few more days, make sure you let him know that you will always love him and need him, but that you also is hurt by all this.

Keep the lines of communication open.

~hugs~ Hang in there~

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

well thankyou for everyones advice and kind words it has helped to straighten out my thoughts and a small update on the situation my dad is staying at home for a few more days for me but i dont know how long he will be bothered with me

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009):

It's okay to be upset or angy. It would be nice if there was some way to keep them together but after all that has been said and done it might be best for them not to be. Your mom is hurting really bad now and although you might normally be the one looking to her she now needs you. Just listen to her when she wants to talk and know that she won't feel this way forever.

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A female reader, diffy116 United States +, writes (2 January 2009):

i totally know where you are coming from. my parents were married for 20 years when my mom asked my dad for a divorce. In Maryland, you need to be separated for a year before you can get divorced. The divorce process started when I was 16 (your age) and ended when I was 18 (my younger sister was 13 and 15 at the end). It was very hard for me to tell my few friends about it, especially since i thought we had the 'perfect' family. many of my friends' parents were divorced but i never thought it would happen to mine. i did manage to tell my friends and they were very supportive of me and my emotions and even offered me a place to cash if things got to be too much (and i took them up on that offer). my parents divorce process was very difficult and it took a great toll on my mom who is my best friend. it was very hard for her especially since i left for college and she was still dealing with the divorce (my dad didn't make it easy). but my friends did help me feel that i wasn't alone in this situation and i also went to therapy so that i could vent and get an outsiders perspective on the situation. i wish you the best of luck, i feel your pain and telling your friends will only help you- they are your support system and use them!

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A female reader, smartazngirl United States +, writes (2 January 2009):

smartazngirl agony auntI'm very sorry that's happening to you right now.

I wish I can give you good advice but I've never been through this situation myself. I'm sorry.

All I can say is that... Even though I don't know you personally, I hope that you will live through this. I also hope that your mom will hang onto life. Don't give up.

I'm sorry, but that's all I can say.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 January 2009):

Honeypie agony aunt~HUGs~

I'm so sorry. Unfortunately it happens that people grow apart, that they hit a midlife crisis and cheat, fall out of love and so forth. And it all sucks.

Your dad is a bugger for cheating on your mom. And you can be mad at him for that. However it doesn't mean he doesn't love you or your brother. I just means that he wants a change in his life. 21 years of marriage is a lot to "just" toss away like that. I bet your mom is devastated. Never the less it's not about your mom against your dad. You can still love them both.

Yes, your mom isn't going to be there 100% for you for a while and yes, you will have to be there for her. Tell them both that you do not wish to be throw in the middle EVER.

I know it's hard but you still have to focus on school and getting the best grades you can get.

Telling your friends that your mom and dad are divorcing shouldn't be a problem, they might actually be a good help and support for you.

You are not all alone. They are still your mom and dad, regardless. Above all, know that it wasn't YOUR fault in any way shape or form.

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