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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend a little over a year and I love him to pieces. I cannot imagine life without him, and he loves me just as much. We are planning on being with eachother for a long time. So, it breaks my heart that my parents, especially my mom, don't think he's good enough for me! My dad just says "don't get stuck, keep your options open, if I knew you were going to date him for this long I never would have allowed you to go on the first date." My mom, on the other hand, is a complete bitch about the subject. She says that she can only "stand" my boyfriend and that she absolutely hates his friends. His friends are a little punk so some have piercings, tattoos, hawks, but not all of them. And they are all decent, intelligent boys if you get to know them. It's their fashion sense more than anything. But my mother judges them by their rough edges and screams at me, telling me that I don't deserve to be pulled down by them and that I'm of a different social status.On one hand, I can see where she is coming from, but on the other hand I think she is being disgustingly shallow.Now for my questions:Do you think that my parents will eventually be the cause of the end of this wonderful relationship?Do you think that social status does matter in this case??Thank you for reading all of this... It's just tearing me apart!!!
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male
reader, tommy2k7  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 What if her parents have threatened to kick her for dating a guy 10 years older?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): thanks so much guys! i really appreciate the time you took to answer.
i think ill just keep my eyes and ears open to my parents but not let them affect my relationship.
its just so hard!! 3
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): thanks so much guys! i really appreciate the time you took to answer.
i think ill just keep my eyes and ears open to my parents but not let them affect my relationship.
its just so hard!! 3
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): Well I have to say that maybe your parents can see something in him that you just cannot. You are in love with this person and 'love is blind'. Do you really know this person? Your parents brought you into the world and want just what is best for you. You are their little girl and always will be. When we are your age, we cringe at the thought of our parents interferring with our lives, but they have been here for a lot longer than you and have a wealth of knowledge that only comes with time. Don't argue with them. Don't stop speaking to them. Listen to what they have to say and calmly tell them how you feel about him without getting into an arguement. I talk from experience because it happened to me when i was 17. I didn't listen to my parents and went on to marry the biggest mistake of my life. He turned out to be a wife beater. I'm not saying that yours is the same but i wish i had listend to mine.
Take care and Merry Christmas
xx
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (19 December 2006):
 Hi there anon,
You sound like I did when I was dating my now husband! He had pink liberty spikes and wore studded leather jackets, tight jeans and boots. And it didn't help that he blasted '77 UK punk out of his car whenever he pulled up to our house. Let me tell you, my parents were less than thrilled. lol
Anyway, you need to stop letting your parents be involved in your romantic relationships. It sounds like they don't back off if you say anything to them, so perhaps the next thing to do would be to ignore them. How long will they keep up their nasty remarks if there is no response from you?
Let me ask you - do your parents actually know this guy? I mean, have they sat down and talked with him? That's what calmed my parents down a bit. When they spoke with my guy, they realized that he was very well educated, had good goals in life, and geniunely cared for me.
All parents want their children to have the "perfect" partner. But let's get real, here. There is *nobody* who will live up to your parents' expectations. And if he does, it doesn't really sound like you'd be happy being with the person who your parents want you to be with. Am I right?
Okay, so let's flip this around. Say that some rich guy was dating you, and then decided to dump you because you weren't upper class like he and his family are. That sounds totally shallow! He should be with you because of YOU, not because of what society thinks of you (or because of what his parents would think of you).
If you're happy in the relationship, then don't let anyone get in the way. If you date people who your parents want and live your life according to them, then how is that going to make you feel? Probably unhappy, resentful, frustrated...all sorts of negative things that don't need to happen.
So just try to ignore their nasty comments, maybe have them actually sit down and talk with your guy so they know him better, and try not to let them get to you. They may never stop making remarks, but it will probably tone down and it will eventually get easier for you to let it go. If you guys have strong feelings for each other, then it will be worth it. Don't live your life for someone else. Live it for YOU.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, guylostinlove +, writes (19 December 2006):
It all depends to what ends/means your parents will arrive at. My parents threatened to disown my brother at one point because the girl he was dating had two kids. They're too narrowminded and old fashioned to be open to the idea that he was dating someone with kids. They just could not see to it. My brother ended up breaking it off with the girl .. maybe perhaps a bit of it had to do with what my parents said .. I know he was in tears at the time. But, also because later on, he found out that him and the girl were not too compatible with each other.
So with that said, for the time being, you might want to just ignore your parents until you've come to a point where you two are positive (100%) to want to be married or life long partners. Of which, you can decide if you want to have it out with your parents and make them see it your way ... if you want it to come to that.
Social status .. what's that ...
Otherwise, I tend to think dealing with the stubborn and narrowminded is to ignore them. I just go about my business and I don't care what anyone thinks. Even if it's my parents ... yep, that's how I work some things nowadays. I know how may parents are and I cannot change their way of thinking ... so, I choose to ignore them (the problem) and continue about doing my things. They can nag all they want about this or that but as long as I don't get into an argument with them, it's good.
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