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anonymous
writes: i have a very close friend. we are both 16. she told me she never drinks alcohol. it is strictly against our religion. but i found out last friday night she got drunk and it's not the first time! i am disgusted. we are just so close, she bought me a present, and i'm takin her shoppin and out on a meal. but now i dont want to anymore! she doesn't know that i'm aware! if i asked she'll deny it unless i tell her. i feel like never talkin to her ever again because she lied to me but we wont be able to live without each other! so please help!
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female
reader, _flicky  +, writes (23 December 2006):
 Of all the sins in the world, drinking alcohol is hardly a big one. If she'd committed murder, then I could understand you not being able to be friends with her any more. But getting drunk? You would seriously end a friendship over such a thing?
There's nothing wrong with wanting to have fun and flirt with other boys. She's young, and you're not her boyfriend, are you? So why are you so bothered by this?
Religion is a personal thing. She can believe what she thinks is right, and follow what she wants to. It's wrong for you to impose your ideals upon her.
If you end your friendship with this girl because she gets drunk every once in a while - well, you're not the friend you'd like to think you are.
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female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (19 December 2006):
 If your friend wants to drink she can. YES it is against your religion and for this reason and ONLY for this reason it is wrong. However, it is her life and she is free to live it how she wants to. Stop trying to control her. Live your own life and follow your religion. If she is not following that religion 100% that is her choice. It's not up to you if she follows her religion or not.It's fair enough if you don't want to be friends with her anymore because she has disappointed you and lied to you (I would feel the same) but you have to accept that it is her life and she alone can live it.
Do you want to throw away a good frinedship over this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): If she drinks to get drunk, then obviously it's bad. However, if she's just socially drinking and occasionally drinkng, then that's fine.
This is not whether she can do whatever she wants and you have to stop being her friend anymore. This is whether you can accept her or not. If you can't, then move on. If you can, then excellent.
[sigh]
Before you assume the worst, there are always other degrees to how people can do things. Just because someone likes to smoke pot, it doesn't mean they're drugees. It can possibly mean they enjoy the occasional doobie to relax. Just because someone likes to play computer games, doesn't mean s/he is TOTALLY into computer gaming.
With that said, I believe your idea of friendship is too narrowminded. Of course, I do not believe in unconditional friendship, turning a blind eye, and being deaf. I will stop my friends from drinking too much, or smoking too much (or stop allowing them to smoke altogether), or take their keys if they drink and drive. However, you will never see me forfeit my friends just because they 'believe' in something different than I do.
That would simply be [chuckles] blasphemy! [wink]
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (19 December 2006):
 Maybe she is trying to experiment the wild side u know and tryin' to feel like a pop star it happened to my best friend to I always ended up taking her home and paying taxi and geteing her away from street fights or arguments I even lost friends becaus eof protecting her and she pai me back in a selfish way though I know it is not her fault I tried tohelp but if it is too much for you then u should simply try to move on as it can affect you too much, try talking to her parents or other friends if her behaviour goes against her health of psychological weel being though to be a bit tipsy sometime is normal in western culture and I would even recommend some time
love
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): I agree with martini, this is your issue, not hers. I think your religion has encouraged you to paint the wrong kind of picture of women, and you are going to be in for a big surprise and dissapointment when you eventually realise that no women will meet up to your unrealistic expectations.
If you want to loose a "friend" because they are doing something against your religion like this then end your friendship with her; you risk living a lonely life though, if you so harshly judge every person you ever meet like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell if that's the case and as you say she should be able to do what she wants than i cant be her friend anymore. maybe she loves me enough to stop drinkin but that's her choice otherwise she can do what she wants and act like a prat drunken out of her brains with other boys, that's just pointless and sick! but that's my opinion! any more help welcome!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): It's really not that big of a problem. This is her issue. Not your's. Though you two follow the same faith, it doesn't necessarily have to mean you two follow the same rules. All that matters is that A) she's not hurting your friendship, and B) she's not binge drinking herself to death. Heck, I'm sure my closest friends and I differ on many views in life and in the world, but their beliefs are their own, and not mine to control. They're excellent brothers and sisters. End of story.
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