A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi im part of a teen support online forum. i love it and have great friends on there. i got talking to a guy from texas and we really clicked. after about 3 weeks talking he said he loved me. after a while i said it back as i really liked him. trouble is im in wales and 16. hes in texas and 23. we have talked about meeting up. he wants me to go over there in my gap year. he's mentioned getting married which i have completly ignored as im nowhere near ready. i rally do like him and we have a great connection but im not sure about going to live with him or even meet him. no1 knows about him. also =im looking at boys in my college and thinking they might be good bf. if i do get with some1 near me it will break his heart. so i prob. wont tell him. i just dont know where to go from here. my gap year is in 2 years. what do i do???? thanks xx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): I am a 4o yr old male who met a 33 yr old female online ina chatroom - we "clicked" immediately and after 3 months I flew 5000 miles to meet her. We spent 2 weeks together mostly in my hotel room and we are have seen each other several times since and are arranging to live together and marry later this year. BUT we are the exception - when i look back on this I think I must have been mad but it was a one in amillion chance that paid off. You cannot trust a man or woman until you meet them, and if you travel you have to be sure of your security. A young female travelling alone is asking for trouble. Let him visit you in Wales - then you'll see if he is serious if he comes at all, and you can meet him safely during the day and evening and then go back home to safety while he sleeps in his hotel. If he is genuine he won't mind at all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): thats a 7 year age gap, you two are looking for completely different things out of life. you're too young for the type of relationship he's looking for.
if you do like him that much, instead of flying to texas to see him , fly to the USA with a few friends during your gap year.
go explore the united states, you and your friends.
stop by texas and see how you and him get along.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): i think you should have a word with you parents before you make a desicion because this man could be a rapist or he could be your soul mate you dont know so ask you parents and see what they say and even take a few friends a long with you if you do go to the us the make shaw that you stay safe !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): I once fell for something like this and ended up with a control freak. My friends thought I would end up under the patio. Please don't go, this is very creepy. Don't fall into the trap of going for adoration. People like that want to take over your life and they pander to romantic ideals when in fact they can often be very angry people. They groom people, compliment them, make them feel safe and pander to their weaknesses. Then they start to invade your brain. If he only takes three weeks to fall in love, without even meeting you it means he is not very selective. But he does have an instinct for the sort of person he could trap. You are that sort. You really must reframe your brain. You need to find a partner who proves that they are good people, over time, who is reliable, honest, good to you and your family. Not somebody who is setting himself up as a romantic hero. That is what mine did to me and my little son and I ended up in therapy. These days young girls are falling for these types of relationships and finding themselves taken for prostitution in the other country. Now I know that seems extreme, but who is this man to trust? Because youare putting your whole self on the line at the mercy of someone you just dont know. You have not self-protect mechanism and are therefor potentially putting yourself in a great deal of harms way. I am so glad you wrote in to ask.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): Hi Hun
I couldnt agree more with martini sweetheart, Dont go anywere to meet you stay put, After 3 weeks of talking to you he feels he loves you and marriage has been mentioned WHOOOO!
If you do carry on speaking to him love keep it cool love and if one day he still wants to meet then yes he should come to you TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (8 October 2007):
In my experience, a connection you make over chat or email or even the phone can be very different than how things are face to face. I've done online dating and exchanged fantastic emails back and forth, only to meet the guy in person and find the vibe just isn't there. I used to work with a guy we talked on the phone and via email and I had a huge crush on him... but when I met him in person finally it was totally different. I think the reason is that when we don't have the rest of the details of a person except words on a screen, our imagination fills in the blanks. And those details might be very different from who someone is in person.
I think you should take this into consideration and keep the situation in perspective. Additionally, I would be VERY wary of anyone who said they loved me after only 3 weeks... and especially if we'd never even met. What kind of guy talks about marriage to a 16 year old girl he's never even met? He says he's 24 but how do you know that's true? He could be 35. Be careful with this one darlin'.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): Under no circumstance should you, a female at any age, travel to meet a male anywhere, let alone overseas! REGARDLESS of how they may sound and look sincere, you can never be too careful. There is absolutely NO reason why you should trust him. ANYONE can say they are this and that. Heck, I've had a female acquaintence said she fell in love with a guy she met over the internet, so she travelled from Canada to England to meet him. Sure, he wasn't a murderer or rapist fortunately, but after spending one week with her, sleeping with her, and using her money, he called it quits. After a year, she's still crying over him.
I had another friend who's bestfriend, another female, found a love interest on the net in Russia. She told my friend that nothing she says will deter her from meeting her 'soul mate'. After seven months, no phone call, no letters, no anything.
Anyway, to do with your inquiry, I say just continue as you are. If he really is sincere, he can wait. In fact, as much as they may sound unfair to him, if he really wants to, he can save up money and come to you instead of you going to him.
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