A
female
age
30-35,
*roblems2010
writes:I'm so sad right now. A few hours ago, my mom spoke softly to me that she found out something about my dad. She found condoms in his bag yesterday. She told me that she cried the whole night. I don't think she confessed to my dad yet but soon..she will. I don't know what should i do right now. I'm just 16+, still in my high school. Practically, I had always love my dad and had good opinions about him. However, I did know that he had an affair when i was 1 yrs old. But that didn't influence me alot coz that was so long ago. But I didn't know he will do the same mistake again after so many yrs. What should i do ? I tried to denied all his actions, I was thinking, maybe those condoms is just free samples? Or maybe it's gift from promoters ? But i find myself ridiculous. It's impossible. I am just trying to make up reasons to help him. I love my dad very much and my family had always been harmony. I don't want this to tear apart. Should i keep quiet? Or should i confess ? it's not any of my business anyway, he's just my dad. HELP !
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): I agree with the consensus: let your parents work it out. And, while I understand it is hard to see your mom go through this pain, try not to be too hard on your dad. People are imperfect, in oh so many ways. Remember that he loves you, even if he doesn't always do the right thing. Beyond that, it is really up to your parents to resolve the matter.
A
female
reader, purpleprincess  +, writes (10 February 2010):
Yeah think this ones tough but your mum needs to sort this out with your dad alone I think then when its out in the open I'd pull your dad quietly to one side and ask any questions. If your dad is cheating again it will help your mum find out the facts dealing with it in her way.ther could be a reasonable explaination for the condoms your mum just needs to get to the botom of it with little interfearing x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): While this is certainly a problem that affects you, it is however not your problem. This is between your parents, so just let them deal with it.
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A
female
reader, daysandconfused  +, writes (10 February 2010):
Hey, girlie,
I found out my father was cheating on my mother several years ago when I was 18, through text messages, emails, and a Viagra prescription. Disgusting. I gave him the ultimatum--clean up his shit, or I'm telling mom. He promised up and down and I thought the horror of knowing one of his children knew would be enough. Not so much.
A year went by and I found out he was still cheating. I wish I'd told my mom and saved her all that pain and hurt--I don't know what I was thinking. I know my story's slightly different from your's, but the deal is, you have to let your parents work it out between themselves. I wish I'd stayed in the "kid" role as long as possible, instead of trying to become a mediator between them. When my mom finally found out and decided to try to go through counseling instead of separating, I was devastated and thought she'd "picked" him instead of me and all the pain I went through that entire year I had known.
No matter what happens, at your age, you're going to be stuck with the decisions you mom makes about how to handle this situation. So let her have her time and space, but let her know that you're there for her--that's all you can do. She has to have time to deal with your father on her own terms. Good luck, hun. I know this situation is terrible.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): I can understand what you are going through. You love your dad and want to warn him in a sense but he's a grown man. He needs to be responsible for his actions.
The best thing you can do is not get invloved at all. Love both your parents and let them work it out for themselves.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 February 2010):
Your mum is the one who needs to tell him what she found. It needs to come from her. The best thing you can do is be there for her and just listen.
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A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (10 February 2010):
 Its not your responsibility or even really your place to say anything to your dad. Let your parents work out their own problems. I can understand how you might feel like you should be doing something to help, but right now, the best thing you can do is listen, remain calm, and hope for the best. Your mom may not be emotionally ready yet for your dad to know what she found. Give her the time and space she needs and let her work this out. In the meantime, remember that they both love you, relationships are complicated and nothing is your fault! Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 February 2010):
I'm sorry this is happening to your family. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do except be there for both your parents. If the start fighting about it, then they won't be able to easily get through this if you directly involve yourself in all this. Just leave them to it and be there for them. My father had a child outside of marriage so I understand your pain. Just stay out of it for now. If your mum needs to talk, just listen and don't necessarily give any advice. All the best.
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