A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I asked a similar question a few months ago and although most of the responses were very helpful, things haven't improved. I'm still very concerned about my mother's health and eating habits, she's very overweight and binges on things like rice pudding and ice cream regularly. It's not unusual for her to finish an entire container of either in one sitting, or finish nearly an entire pizza. She clearly knows it's not healthy, otherwise she wouldn't eat a little bit in front of me or anyone else and then eat the rest later when I'm asleep or not home. I'm not sure how to get through to her, especially when other people say they think she's lost weight. She has somewhat... but only because she's active and works long hours, and so doesn't have the time to eat the way she used to during the day and takes in less calories, though the amount she does eat is still at an unhealthy level. She very rarely eats healthy food and generally goes for fried or sugary foods instead, and this encouragement is only making things worse because she seems to think this type of food is why she's losing weight. On more than one occasion she's argued with me that pizza and rice pudding are healthy foods that can be eaten every day with no ill effects. I'm really concerned about her, she hasn't seen a doctor in many years because she thinks they'll only tell her to lose weight. She could have high cholesterol or early diabetes but refuses to find out for the sake of her own health.Someone suggested I encourage her to find a support group, which was a lovely idea, but I looked into it and unfortunately there aren't any nearby. I've tried being supportive and also I've tried snapping her to reality but nothing seems to work. I'm fully aware that people change only if they want to change, but what I need is a way to make her see why it's necessary. She's in desperate need of a wake up call and is very much in denial about it. Any help would be very much appreciated, thanks in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThose are wonderful suggestions! I've never spoken to her about this issue outside of pointing out how unhealthy it is, and a diary would definitely help her see how much things add up. I think part of the problem is that she says she doesn't often feel full, and doesn't know when to stop eating. I imagine it's from taking in a lot empty calories, but writing it all down should help with that.
On off days when it's warm outside I can usually convince her to take walks with me, but another major concern I have is what happens when I'm not around? I may be living with her at the moment, but it's temporary. What if she gets even more depressed because I've left? I know I shouldn't feel responsible for my own mother, but she has a tendency to place blame everywhere else before on herself and uses food to make it go away. I've seen it happen so many times.
I'm not sure about her exact weight, I think she's around 300lb or a little over 21 stone. A healthy weight for her would probably be about 150lb.
A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Hi there. I think I remember your last post on this issue. I'm sorry to hear you are still very concerned for your mother's health. She is lucky to have such a thoughtful daughter who really cares about her.Ok, first of all, I just want to say, from the point of view of someone who has struggled with her weight and binge eating for most of her life, it is very, very hard to get out of a pattern you have been in for years. It is not something that can change overnight without either professional help or a sudden epiphany that you really want to change. This has to come from her. You can talk to her time and time again, but this may just put her on the defensive. Try sitting down with her and have an honest chat about how SHE feels about her weight and eating habits. Often addictions like food addiction stem from much deeper emotional problems. She may need to see a counsellor to really get to the root. But you can try to help her by LISTENING without judging. Try to really understand her relationship with food, without critisizing. Of course you are very correct that eating ice cream and puddings in large quantities every day is extremely detrimental to health in the long run. She knows this but is in denial because it makes her FEEL good. She needs to find other ways to feel good in herself.One think I've found very helpful is to find an active hobby. Over the last month I've been taking a yoga and belly dancing class each week and I've lost 4 pounds without changing my eating patterns. Also once you start to feel fitter in your body, you don't want to eat junk food, you want to look after yourself.I understand you are concerned about people encouraging her about her resent weight loss. You think this will only make her think she can still eat what she wants. But surely it is a good thing that she has lost weight, simply from being active? I think being active, either with work or an active hobby is the BEST way to lose weight. You get fitter, build up muscle and speed up your metabolism. If I were you I'd try to find ways to get active with her. This may seem impossible as you both work long hours, but it is not. Buy an excercise DVD or if you have some more spare cash, a WII fit. Do it with her and you can have fun together while you exercise. Some good ones are yoga, pilates, any form of dance as these are fun and relieve stress. I feel soooo much better after an hour of yoga. It makes me feel high. This I would normally get from a chocolate bar lol!One other thing that I thought of was to get her to do a food journal. This way she can see in plain black and white just how many calories and grams of fat she is eating. That way, she cannot be in denial, as it is right there, she is eating too much junk. A free website I've been using is foodfocus.co.ukIt's free, it has most foods listed in it, so just just type in what you've eaten and it calculates the caleries, carbs, fat and protein. It also logs your exercise too and works out what you've burnt off. You simply type in your weight, your goal weight, height and how much you want to lose and it works out how long it will take you to get to your goal. This is great because you can watch your progress and you have a date to aim for. It's really helped me because I cannot lie to myself about what I eat because it shows up on the graphs when I've eaten a whole tub of ice cream in a day :)Another thing, how overweight is she? It would be helpful to find out so you can find out her BMI to see what category she is in. If she won't go to a doctor you can buy a bathroom scale and weigh her. There are online BMI calculators. That way she can see how overweight she is. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer, unfortunately she has neither the time nor money to seek professional help or a support group. We both work two jobs and often don't have enough time for much sleep on days we're not off which results in her meals between/during work consisting of something quick and usually lacking in nutrients, aka McDonalds and the like. I do cook and prefer to make meals with fresh ingredients, but she just doesn't eat the food I make all the time. Usually it's because she's already eaten something.
I know she's not purging because she does binge occasionally when I'm home and doesn't vomit soon after, but I agree that a big cause of the overeating is most likely depression. She's suffered from it for years, I believe.
I'm just afraid it's going to take a heart attack or something worse to make her wake up and make an effort to improve her heatlth. She has a tendency to ignore warning signs, I recall the time she had chest pains but never got it checked out.
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reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Hello, there are online support groups for people with eating disorders (she has some elements of bulmia nervosa from what you describe - binge eating). She maybe consuming soft foods such as ice-cream and rice-pudding because these are easy to vomit. However she may not be resorting to purging food. I think her eating pattern maybe also symptomatic of unipolar depression. Many depressive patients have addictions to all sorts of things, including food. Obviously she needs a medical assessment and you can buy home-testing kits for diabetes and many other common ailments. If the depression is treated then she may start to reconstruct her view on food, particularly if she receives cognitive behavioural therapy. I think she is probably fully aware of the impact of her behaviour on her health. She may well be in denial - people know the risks but just thinks 'it won't happen to me'. She may not cooperate with the support group idea as she may not identify herself as having a problem. I think that you can support her by daily reinforcement of good eating habits. Perhaps you can take charge of catering in your home - eat meals together to get in a routine of 'healthy eating' together. She may be less likely to resort to snacking then. If you go shopping with her then she maybe less inclined to fill that basket with rubbish. You should also take her out - if the trigger for eating is boredom in front of the TV then a distraction maybe the trigger for her changing long-term. If she sees there is a life beyond TV outside the front door then she maybe motivated to change and slim down. Think about her interests and maybe go to a class together?
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