A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex broke up with me about a year ago,we had been together two years.I had no idea he was planning to leave me.We had a child together she was around 15 mounths.So me and my daughter had to find somewhere else to live.It was really confusing,and hard there was a lot of pain 4 a long time,still is hard to think about.Not long after he split he got married must of been around 3 months later,ive had to deal with this as she is the step mum to our child.But even though time's passed i get on with him ok for our daughter but i cant help but have hate there for his wife,and i cant help but hope that one day they split just so karma comes back after the pain they put me through.they were seeing each other for a while before we split i just never knew,how do you think i could help myself to stop wishing them the worst?
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (29 October 2010):
Seeing and talking to a counsellor could be great, but I know that's not an option for everyone. So other than that, remember that you're the one who took the high road. He cheated on you, left you. And you're still trying to do the right thing with your daughter and letting him and them see her, etc. I don't know if karma will really come around to bite them in the ass so that they break up, but think about this. She's now with a man that cheated on the mother of his child and left her. I think there's a good chance that for the rest of their relationship, she will wonder if he is cheating or will cheat on her. That's what happens when people sneak around. The relationship is built on treachery and dishonesty. So you've escaped from this and taken the high road. So you can still respect yourself and not have this baggage hanging on you. He was wrong, he was a jerk, write him off. If anything, feel sorry for his new wife that she's with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): What a sad story and situation, but this is very much a part of life, as sad and heartbreaking it is!
I agree with Caring Guy, you need to see a counsellor who will help you to go through, not block those feelings of pain you feel. You don't want to harbour trunk loads of emotional baggage, with hate inside your hate, as trust me the only one it will damage is YOU!
It will make you cold, clinical and cynical, which starts to show, and IF you eventually want to find a partner to love and be loved by, you will need to lose the bitterness.
It is your boyfriend who was deceitful, it was him that left you, NOT his wife, she is merely the RESULT of HIS cheating on you. It was him that owed you and your baby honesty, to have the integrity, that if he felt the relationship wasn't working to TELL YOU, but so it seems he didn't, no wonder you feel such pain, but please don't let this ruin YOUR LIFE.
For the future, I would advise strongly you don't have a child with a boyfriend, whether you live with him or not, as boyfriends are just that, they are not husbands, they have not made that commitment to you. If you had been married you would have at least had some protection financially and certainly as to where you live. It's vital you put you and your baby first, and please do try to work through this..
I really hope your life starts to be happier and less painful for you soon..Good luck!
Jilly
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 October 2010):
Your best bet is to speak to a counsellor. You've got a lot of bad feelings built up in there, and they really do need to come out. You don't want to wind up the bitter ex who just sits there wishing the worst all the time. Karma doesn't always happen. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Assume that it won't, so you stand a better chance of moving on.
Also, no matter how much you hate her, it might be worth getting to know this new wife. Do that when you've spoken to a counsellor and really talked about how you feel and really spent time getting over this. But it might be worth getting to know her to see what she's like.
Like I say though, your first best bet is to speak to a counsellor so you can get your feelings out and start to move on.
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