A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm sorry guys, this will be a long story but I really need your help :( I've been with my bf for almost 2 years. At first our relationship is just soo wonderful. We love each other so much and both of our parents encourage our relationship.Until I write this, I still feel his love for me is too much. He treated me so good as he said he sees me in his future. I'm his priority, he's the most important people out of my family too. Lately, we found out that there are too many differences between us. Sometimes he may act so childish. He jokes around like he is a little boy or girl at the same time. When I gosipping with my friend he suddenly ask what are we gossiping about with his childish way. I wish that he can act more mature and gentleman. Firstly I think that he may do so because he is the only son and 2 sisters so he used to grown up with girls as his father seldom spend time with him. But at the other time he can be so mature and I really like the way he thinks of something.I know he is special. Although we are both same age, he thinks like a mature man and my father like him so much( he likes old stuff,history, song which make him seems a little weird to his friends). He is kind of people that doesn't care of what other people think and assume about him as long as he is happy with his life. He will do whatever makes him happy ( something positive ) without holding his pride sometimes. Last night, we went to ktv with friends and he started to sing weirdly, sing the oldies song and the intonation is just a mess. My friends hold their laugh and I know it. I felt so ashame. But looks like he's not realize that and enjoy it. I hate when others seems so sucks and can't respect him. Moreover, my mother doesn't like him at all. She thinks that he is not gentleman enough for me. My bf can be categorize as a shy man, he won't speak much to new people, he rather prefer to hear a lot than speak a lot to new people. My mother thinks he is a loser and stupid because he is too shy to start a conversation with my family. To make worse, other reason she doesn't like him because she think I would not happy with him as his wife in the future. I know my mom feel pity with me. She assume I will have a hard life, where he will continue his family bakery business which need a hard work and energy. I'm not kind of girl that appropriate to it, since I come from middle up class family and I'm never work that hard. He ever told me about this too eventhough I never discuss this with him and he ask whether I can accept to life hardly with him. But I heard from my friends he is going to find another better career and make my life happy. I know my mother wants the best for me. I believe she's right, but I also love my boyfriend to death. I know he is the best for me. Is there any people out there experiencing the same problem with me? Any comments and suggestion guys?I would extremely appreciate it :)
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Maybe it won't be that hard a life:) hey , I wish I had a bakery ! It may be hard work, weird hours... but, at least here, they make excellent money !
I get it, though, it's a typical middle class hang up. My mother is scandalized that my cousin ( lawyer ) married a restaurant owner. No point in reminding her that my cousin is a YOUNG rooki lawyer,it will take her 10 or 20 years before she becomes partner in the law firm, and her husband is well established in business, so he makes maybe ten times what she does. It's not about money, it's a class thing.
If you love the guy, ignore mom. Don't be surprised that she thinks this way- and don't turn this in a class conflict nor try to change her mind or win her to the bakery cause. Just if it feels right, you do your thing, you are the one who is dating the guy, you know what you are happy with. If you had wanted to date a doctor, you would have looked for a doctor.
I say "if you love him ", because I think you already know that you are dating to please yourself , not to please your mom... so the mom issue is just a detail or an excuse.
I may be wrong, but, with all his good qualities, you sound rather irritated/ impatient with your bf and his immaturity and social clumsiness, and a tad ashamed. THAT may be a problem , instead , because it would be you, not your mom, that dislikes that. Think it over well, relationships tend to fail rapidly if you have to feel ashamed of your partner , and you are not proud of who he is.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (17 October 2011):
 Your mom isn't dating him - YOU are. I think your mom should be more supportive of you. She should want you to be happy on YOUR terms.
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