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female
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anonymous
writes: My mom just told my dad that I'm not a virgin anymore. How can I talk to my dad about this? He's going to be fuming and I'm already angry at my mom for doing this without consulting me because if anything I should have been the one who told him because it was my choice....what can I do now? I feel terrible. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (1 May 2006):
 How old are you honey? How is your Dad reacting to this news? look stop stressing about it. It is good that you have parents who communicate - never mind who are still together!
Your dad will probably be a little sad because his baby girl is growing up. Most parents mourn the passing of the children from childhood to adulthood and having sex is a major step towards being a *grown-up* in a weird way. Please dont have a go at your Mum for telling him. After all they are a couple and as your parents probably have your best interests at heart. Yes, ity may seem invasive for them to discuss your life like this but please try to remember you will be their little girl when you are my age! It never stops!
I hope you feel better in yourself soon and if you want to chat PM me.
xx
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female
reader, prttymtlkitty +, writes (1 May 2006):
 If he does blast you, he's a total hippocrate unless you signed a waiver revoking your right to live and learn like the rest of us. Anything he expresses beyond general concern is overstepping, especially at your age.
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female
reader, Floppy +, writes (29 April 2006):
 Hello, your dad has been told now, you dont really need to do anything. If your dad is concerned he will speak to you about it, just answer his questions honestly if he does, but the chances are he wont say anything, men often dont, mothers do! Just make sure you have safe sex and inform your parents you are doing, then everything is great...
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reader, robinlovescena +, writes (28 April 2006):
 I would just talk to your dad about it. Yes, he will be angry about the fact that you have had sex, but i think that he would be even angrier if you didnt explain yourself.good luckRobinaka advice gurl
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi---yes, I'm a junior..or actually almost senior in college now--I'm 21, and I tried talking to my mom and tell her how upset I was that she did that and didn't consult me or...oh my gosh, I'm so angry now that I can hardly see straight...but I'm just so afraid of what my dad is going to think of me...or thinks of me now...I always practiced safe sex...and I don't want to do it again...I already found out how terrible you can feel afterwards and I can't deal with the emotional consequences of it....I'm never doing it again, but I know he's going to take this opportunity to just blast me....I just wanted to prepare myself for it as best I could. Thank you guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): You need not do anything. Dad knows about this, as hard as it is, just let it go. If he feels a need to talk to you about it, he will. I am assuming you are living at home with your parents and you are in your teen years. If I'm correct, you need to understand how a marriage works. Anything you confide in your Mom will likely be told to your Dad. Parents are a team, they talk and communicate about the lives of their kids. Mom did not do anything wrong. She likely had concerns about some of your choices in regards to sex. You may not respect her decisions with respect to your Father, but you need to respect that they are her decisions. Good luck dear and don't be too hard on Mom...sounds like she and Dad love you a lot.
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female
reader, prttymtlkitty +, writes (28 April 2006):
Well, we're all human here honey. I don't know how immortal your parents present themselves as, which I personally think its damaging. But if it were my daughter, I would NEVER tell her father. Its YOUR BODY, and I really don't think your even obligated to talk to your father about this if you are not comfortable. You shouldn't feel terrible about it, its how YOU GOT HERE!
I'm not saying its wise because it usually leads to heartbreak when you discover the motives of most young boys. Ya know, just bear in mind the consequences of pregnancy and the strong emotional response that young people are not yet equipped to handle.
But overall this should be discussed on your terms with someone you feel comfortable with telling. It would be nice if you had a female adult you could confide in.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): Dads can take it pretty hard when they realise their little daughters are being taken advantage of by sex maniac guys who don't know how to respect a girl. I know this isn't the case, but it's how Dads can see things - they can be very protective and distrusting of guys who are sexually interested in their girl. This is why your dad might take it badly, he's had to realise that he isn't the only man in your life any more.
Ultimately though, it's none of your dads business if you have lost your virginity or not. He has no right to be fuming at you and you shouldn't feel terrible because you've done nothing wrong.
Your mum didn't consider your feelings, and she let you down by telling your dad that you had lost your virginity but I suspect that it might be because she's worried about you, she hasn't done it on purpose.
I think you should talk to your dad and appologise for not telling him, but reassure them both that you are responsible to practice safe sex and that they do not need to worry about it.
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female
reader, jasper2007 +, writes (28 April 2006):
Well, first of all, how old are you? If you're still in high school, then of course your father will be upset to know that you're sexually active. That's how parents are. If you're in college or you're older, then while I'm sure your father knows that you are old enough to be doing those sorts of things, he still probably doesn't want to think or know about it. While I agree that your mother shouldn't have told him without consulting you, there's not much you can do about that. If I were you, I would just talk first to my mother, tell her how I felt, and ask her how I should approach my father about it. Since she saw and knows his reaction already, this should give you a little information on how to talk to him about it. Basically, your father is probably very upset and probably a little sad that you're no longer a virgin (or a child), but ultimately know that he just really loves you and cares for you. Hopefully you were safe, and you can reassure him that it was a choice you made, and that it really doesn't change anything about you as a person. Good luck!
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