A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Someone please help me...pleaseI really need some help...my mother is seriously pissing me off more than lately. I always go to my room and never want to talk to her just to avoid her bitching and complaining. Sometimes I want to fight her or just hit her. She says the meanest things and it really hurts. I do not know how my dad could marry my mom because my dad is like the total opposite! I get along with my dad fine-we have almost everything and common but my mom is such a bitch. I'm sorry to say but she is! (Sorry for the language if it offends ppl) but I can't take her anymore. I even thought about running away so many times. I have it planned and everything! I got everything ready, but never acted on it bcuz I know my father would be hurt and devastated that I would leave.Please help, my mom says the meanest things like "how I will never make my dream" or how she cant deal with me anymore.etc. but the thing is, she also thinks I'm going to be like her and my sister. My mom quit school before she graduated bcuz she wanted to be with my dad and she said that it was one of her regrets. THAT right there pisses me off bcuz it makes me feel like she regretted having my sister and ME and doesn't even love my dad! Also, my sister had left college for her boyfriend which is her fiance now and it is hurting my mother like crazy. Lots of my friends say she is taking her hurt and issues on me but seriously I just think that she hates me! She is never happy-she says I can never make her happy no matter what I do! I admit, I'm not the perfect child and I don't really get good grades that much-but she just drives me crazy and I feel like I dont want to live her anymore-I really cant take her! She says that I'm a waste of money and she thinks that I will do the same thing and follow in her and my sisters footsteps! Please help! I am only 16! Please help! PLEASE! I don't know what to do!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): How ironic, that you post something like this on my birthday! I turned 30 years old this year. And I had to read it twice, because it sounded like you were descibing me at that same age.
My parents are both preachers, which made all the things my mother said to me, even more wrong. My parents adopted me in 1984, and I have 3 sisters, and 1 brother in thier family. Please let me clarify, that I am the only one that was adopted. Growing up was difficult, especially in my middle to late teen years. I was always left out of family stuff. I never got to hang out with my friends. Whenever I wasn't doing homework, I had to be in my room. Doing nothing, except things I could do to entertain myself. My mom is much like a hypocrite. She doesn't practice anything she used to preach in church every Sunday. My mom is a bitch and I hate her too. She always and still to this day, treats me like shit. Could that be because I used to lie to her all the time? Could it be because I used to steal from anybody I could? Could it be because I used to cause nothing but problems since adoption? Could it be because they adopted a child with cerebral palsy, and my mom couldn't find it in her heart to love a disabled child? Or could it be because she was advised not to adopt, by her own family, her church, and her co-workers? Not to mention, a child with special needs?
One week after I turned 17, I attempted suicide. I was so depressed, and upset with my mother, my brother, and I didn't want to cope with anything anymore. I even attempted to kill my brother. I cut his brake lines. I was taken to a psych hospital. Here after for the next two years, I spent as much time there as I could. Just to get away from this evil woman, there were times I was only out for a week or even a day, and want to go back. And I did, every time.
Now, 15 years later, I graduated from High School, have gotten married, have a 2 year old son whom I love very much, and 3 pain in the neck step children. I have a wonderful family. I work full time, as a customer service representitive. I am going to college part time. For the first time, since High School. I have a dream to be a shock jock, on the radio. aka The Next Howard Stern. I own two cars, and I am working on buying the house I live in. I can even drive a car, which for the mild case of CP that my mom used to rub in my face, said was something I would never do. I have been a licensed damn good driver for over 7 years!
Also currently today, my mom, also favors all of her other grandchildren, and wants nothing to to with my son, unless I bring him to her. Specially my younger sisters, 1 year old. Then rubs in my face, how much better she is than my son.
And also today, she has room for everyone (siblings, spouses, and their children) to sleep in her house, except for me and my family when our vehicle broke down 15 minutes from her house, in the middle of winter, in the middle of the night. In the freezing cold. Just told me, "I don't know what to tell you."
I guess what I am saying is that I do completely understand how you feel. BELIEVE ME, I really do. You may think that running away is the answer, its not. Nor is suicide, nor is homocide. But when you look back at my story, even though, theres so much more I could tell...You look at where my life is today...You see that my life is what I want it to be, not what she told me it was going to be. I have never been happier. I know its hard, and you want to give up, but please, your 16-17 years old...you only have 1-2 years left living in her house. Don't make the mistake of dropping out of high school. Get your education, its the very first thing that I accomplished that I was told I wouldn't. Aside from that, now I have children of my own, and I must do everything in my power to keep them in school. Please get your education, it will only help you in the future. Just do your best to get through the next couple years. All you can do is your best, and nobody can expect any more or any less of you. Just remember that you are important to you. You have the power to not let her bother you. You chose to let what she says bother you. Even I am guilty of that sometimes. But the point is that you shouldn't feel as though you have to measure up to anyones standards but your own. Do what you want to do with you life. Although, I would definately encourage you to make positive choices. Overall, Do what makes you happy. YOU CAN DO IT!!
Anyway, I have rambled on enough, I wish you the best of luck, with your mom, the next couple years, and in the future, if you need to talk, vent, bitch about her, or just want someone to listen, send me a message or something.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): All this really means is that you're a normal teen.I'm in my 60's and I've seen three generations of this going on in my family. Parents get stupider as kids go into their teens, and get smarter as kids get into their 20's. She's on your case because (a.) she probably regrets everything SHE f*cked up when SHE was your age and (b.) she thinks (mistakenly) that by kvetching at you she can somehow live YOUR life for you to force you not to make her mistakes all over again.I know this doesn't help much. When you're up to your @ss in alligators, it's no help to know that the swamp really IS getting drained. But try to stay as cool as you can, live your life as sanely as you can, don't f*ck it up over something that looks huge now but will be trivial later, and take a time out for yourself every now and then to just let you body RELAX. There's an old saying (and it's true) that living well is the best revenge. Have a GREAT life and you'll more than pay Mom back for all the sh*t she's giving you now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): Hi, I don't know if any of us can really help you here. It suspect that there is more going on here than just your strained relationship with your mother, and in fact this is a family issue rather than a mom and daughter issue.
How is the health of your parents relationship? Do they fight and argue alot, or use you and your siblings as pawns in their own disagreements?
If so, you need to possibly seek some professional help. Even if you go on your own alone, it could be very beneficial to you on how to deal...
That said, as a young girl, you do not fully understand the things that your Mom is saying to you, you are getting the message wrong, and she does not realize that nor know how to express her vision or thoughts to you so that you will understand them.
It pisses you off that she says it is her biggest regret that she did not finish school because she met your Dad. You are making an error of logic in thinking linearly that this must mean she regrets marrying and having you and your sister. She does not mean that; this is not an a + b = C kind of idea, she means that she wishes she would have finished school and pursued her own dreams and been her own person, possibly she could have waited to marry your Dad, it was a choice she made and she regrets that she did not do both...Having an education is very important for women...we can be more of ourselves and thus have more to give to our families and relationships, being your own person is not a minus, but a plus when it comes to relationships.
She just does not want you to make bad choices, she wants you to wait to get involved in a relationship and rather finish your studies; it is possible to do that. Love is not an overwhelming awe inspiring emotion, it is a concious decision to sacrifice for another....and if the timing is not right, it is just not right. You need to be happy, you need to be emotionally independent and having your own life gives that to you. Expecting a man to fulfill all of your needs is a heavy burden for him and one that cannot be fulfilled, that is all she is saying, not that she doesn't bless the day you were born.
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female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (24 February 2007):
 Also I'd like to add, your mother does love you. She is only trying to protect you and stop you from making the same 'mistakes' she did. she may not be going about it in the right way but her intentions are good.
I know you love your mother too and I know you don't really mean to call her names.
Let me give you something to think about: Don't stay angry with your mother for too long. God forbid, if something happened to her and the last words you said to her were hurtful words said out of anger...how would you feel about that? Always remind yourself of this whenever you feel you're about to say something you'll regret. OK?
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female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (24 February 2007):
The best thing you can do is just prove her wrong. go to school, graduate, get a decent job and don't drop out for any boyfriends. Try and improve your grades somehow to 'shut her up' or to get her off your case. Good or better grades will be a sort of proof that you won't make the same 'mistakes' she did.
My parents used to annoy me aswell, and yes there were times when I just wanted to hit them. lol I totally understand what you are saying here. I too used to call them names behind their backs when they annoyed me. But we all get annoyed at our parents and think about moving out when we're round about your age (and mine, 18). I get along Ok with my parents now. Do you know why? Because I moved out. So we aren't in eachothers faces anymore. I don't know if it would be best for you to move out but..from someone who has, I rarely have arguments with them now and we get along more than we did. But you've got your dad to think about here and he wouldn't be too happy about it if you moved.
Why don't you sit and talk to your mother about this and see if you two can agree to disagree or something. Tell her how you feel and explain to her that the things she says sometimes make you angry. Talk to her when you are both calm and see if you two can come to an agreement.
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