A
female
age
36-40,
*ngiemay
writes:In need of some advice please!So I've been in a relationship and living with my bf for over 2 yrs. and we just had a baby (he did not want to have the baby) we didn't have much sex at the end of my pregnancy cause he said it's weird...it drove me nuts lol but respected him...well now our baby is 5 wks. Old and I've been ready for sex for a couple wks. Now but he won't the only thing he wants is for me to give him oral and I get nothing! He did this when I was pregnant too but I refuse to do it now cause I want to be pleased too and haven't in several months but he has. Now I've caught him masterbating a few times but he lies about it he use to tell me and he put a lock on his phone and I do know why no one ever goes on it but him...what does anyone think is going on with him? What should I do? Or not do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 November 2014):
 Honestly I think there is more to it then him not wanting to hurt you.
You say he didn't WANT a child? So maybe he is SCARED to knock you up again?
5 Weeks is a VERY SHORT time to recover. I think just taking is a BIT more slow would be a good thing for BOTH of you. Though, if he thinks it ALL about him still getting HIS.... He needs to wake up and smell the coffee.
As for not wanting to have sex with you when you were in your last week of pregnancy? NOT at all ABNORMAL. MANY men find that off putting (some women do too).
If you KEEP giving him what he wants without getting anything in return, well, aren't you then telling him you are sort of OK with it? Even if you are not.
I have to agree locks on phones? Not a good sign.
You need to TALK to him, but I think you also need to FOCUS a little more on your own PHYSICAL healing rather than pleasing him. He can wait a week or two, and so... can you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2014): If heis so afraid of harming with intercourse he could pleasure you other ways. Like you are pleasuring him. I don't like this locking phone thing.,unless you constantly snooping on him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 November 2014):
 Talk to your doctor to make sure you have the right facts on when intercourse is okay. I would also discuss how his demands for oral sex and his refusing your needs for the past months have troubled you.
The lock on the phone signals that he's hiding something from you. If you can't discuss that with him then that's a RED FLAG.
Was the relationship stable and happy prior to the pregnancy and baby?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 November 2014):
 You had a baby 5 weeks ago? You're not supposed to have sex until 6 weeks!! You're not healed, you're still bleeding most likely, and it's way too soon, especially if you had tearing and stitches.
After 6 weeks, gentle fingering or a non-penetrating vibrator may be a good idea, and you EASE back into sex. Having a baby is a really profound change in your body.
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