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My male friend has been ignoring his female friends since getting back from deployment

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Question - (8 August 2013) 3 Answers - (Newest, 9 August 2013)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi, I have been friends with this guy ever since High School. Me and my sister both had a crush on him in past but he just want to be friends. I got more friends back then that we talked that still keeps in contact with him but after he came back from deployment he changed. I saw his mom post on Facebook the date he supposed to be back home so I tried calling him the day after and I'm glad his phone was turned on but he didn't answer so it went to his voicemail. I tried to call the next day but his number has been changed I called the rest of my friends to check if they talked to him but they all said NO they think he changed his number and he even delete us from his Facebook page. I heard from his cousin that he almost got a divorce while he was deployed cause his wife accuse him of cheating and he's trying to save his marriage. I still don't understand why he have to go that far to cut us all off when we have nothing to do with that, I miss talking to him and I just wanted to check on him and welcome him home......is this normal? I want to send him a message on FB asking him how's he's doing but I don't know what to say, any advice?

View related questions: cousin, crush, divorce, facebook

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 August 2013):

Honeypie agony auntDeployments can change a person. YOU have no idea what he went though with that or with his marriage, so ... honestly.. I would back up for a bit. I know you miss your friend, but give him room to fix his marriage.

If he changed his number and deleted everyone female then I'm sure she didn't accuse him falsely.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2013):

This is normal. I came back from particularly bad combat deployment and you feel like everyone wants to talk to you. Its a tough situation but understand that he just wants alone time. A deployment will change a person more than you realize. And although he has physically returned, he might not have mentally returned. Give it time and he will start to open up again.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (8 August 2013):

tennisstar88 agony auntKeep in mind, he's just been overseas for a lengthy period of time. He just got back and needs to adjust to the time zone, and time to detox. Deployments aren't a holiday. He may have gotten shot at, seen people get blown up, just all around carnage.

On top of that, his marriage seems to be failing. That's a lot for a solider to deal with. So contacting you or any friends, probably isn't at the top of his "To Do" list.

I'd send him a Facebook message thanking him for his service, and hoping he is doing well. Also whenever he finds time, it would be nice to hear from him. Thats's it. Leave him be to sort out his business. The man his a full plate.

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