A
female
age
36-40,
*baum21
writes:Not sure what to do or how to move on from this? I've been married to a wonderful man for almost 3 years, together for 6. We have 3 beautiful kids. Problem is, I've been in love with his brother for a long time now. He is also married and we have been having an affair off and on for a long time. I dated his brother before my husband and we just clicked from the beginning. He has told me he loves me and everything has been great until recently when he has pulled away, saying he needs to concentrate on his wife getting pregnant. This isn't fair, I'm lost and don't know how to move on. My world is a wreck because he can't just move on without acting like he cares and nothing happened. Any ideas on how to get past this? The truth is, I know he will be back in the future, but I can't put myself through this again.
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female
reader, bbaum21 +, writes (5 April 2010):
bbaum21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, its been one year since I posted this. Thanks to everyone who left comments. I am in a real messed up situation. Its over between my brother in law and myselfi guess. My brother in law came back to me around christmas of this year. We talked all day long, made love twice, and we were both so happy. He said he knew this was wrong but felt so right. I guess guilt set in and he started distancing himself from me. When I see him, its like nothing happened. I know this is just how he is dealing with everything. It hurts so much. He is so close but yet so far away. We love each other and always will, but before families are destroyed, I realize its time to put these 8 years I have been with him (dated him before my hubby and its beeno off and on all these years) behind me and try to move on. When I see him, it hurts because I feel like I've lost my best friend. Anyone have any ideas onhow to deal with being around him and all of this mess?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): dont be too down about the negative and harsh responses. no one can help how they feel and who they fall for. its easy to take the moral high ground when ur not in the position urself. and its easy to claim u would do the "right" thing when its not u that has these feelings. people's views and opinions totally change depending on whether theyve been in the situation or which part of the situation theyv experienced.You should however leave ur husband as its not fair on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): Hey, I just want to say Be Strong, a lot of angry answers will be posted. Ignore the ones that don't help you out.
Sent you a private message. Hope we can help each other out.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 July 2009):
 You do realize that your question is going to attract a lot of angry responses, don't you? So if you are sincerely looking for a way to come to terms with the end of the affair, please answer this question for me: why did you marry your husband instead of his brother?
If you can articulate the reasoning here, I'll try to help. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): MY DARLING bbaum21 get over yourself. you will have no sympathy from me. he is married and his wife is having his baby. he doesn't want you. he has broken it off with you. stop running after this man. what isn't afair. that he is married or that he has chosen his wife over you.what did you expect in any event. and while you are pondering this great emptiness you are facing, how about leaving your husband. why still steal his resources and his life, his time and his finances. selfish married woman, you will get your just deserts. you are so jealous of his wife, and the new baby they are expecting. you can feel this man slipping away and there is nothing you can do about it.
if, he comes back, and miracles of miracles he still wants to continue your affair, he only comes to you for sex. that is all. you mean nothing to him. you are just his cheap side dish and he calls the shots. catch a wake up call. you have 3 minors to take care of for goodness sake. stop thinking with your legs open, think like a decent human. think about the lives you are in the process of destroying. you have been so selfish up to now. this will all end up just as it should end up - with you alone. no one on this site will convince you to end your affair, if you take a hint from your married man, you will not be as naive.
let your married brother in law work on his marriage. he wants to. you are just selfish and you do not want to take NO for an answer. time for a reality check!
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A
female
reader, bbaum21 +, writes (6 July 2009):
bbaum21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, no one knows of this affair. He is what I want in a man and marriage and I know he feels the same. He has strong feelings for me that he said he is not sure if he will ever get over. Its just all of a sudden he has pulled away. Help!!
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