A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone well I have this question that has been bugging my mind ! I've been speaking to someone for well over a year now and I'm glad he has stuck around. Honestly this is a long distance relationship and I have heard everything about LDRs but this is my first, I guess serious one. See I'm not sure what we are I like him, I've seen him before so no catfishing here! I'm 19 going on 20 and he's 25, I guess there's a good amount of gap between age but anyways! The point is that since we've been talking obviously there's going to be trust issues,miscommunication and jealousy! Well when we were beginning to get to talk I used to tell him how I have a best friend that's a guy, the catch was that he's my ex from 8th grade! I honestly don't count it since it's all nothing but adolescent years. Well he didn't take the news that well and I explained to him how he really is just a brother to me because I know what he has done and is capable of doing, knowing how he did his past girlfriends wrong. But I just mentioned to him that he's like my brother I never mentioned he was my ex to begin with because I didn't care much about it since it's dumb to me but that was my fault for not being totally honest but I didn't think much of it. So since me and my ex talk like almost 24/7 I would always bring up a conversation we had, with the guy I'm talking with now. I mentioned to him how my friend thinks he's going to leave me and do me wrong just like the last guy. So without a doubt that flipped him out and he started to say 'Either you 2 have something going on or used to have something going on. I'm not dumb, do not lie to me." So that's when everything went down hill for me and him. He already had trust issues b/c of his ex-gf cheated on him but I understood his pain since I was basically abandoned in a relationship since the guy I was "dating" abruptly stopped talking to me. So since then we have had a bumpy road but what ticks me off the most now is that every time we argue, he can't seem to let that go! He always brings him up in the conversation! Always saying " I hate your dumbass friend!" Or "leave me alone and talk to that stupid ass friend you have!" It's like come on now ! He's not relevant in the arguments majority of the time and he just brings him up out of nowhere. So the other day we argued again and he mentioned him...again. I was so sick of it that I just became the bigger person and told him I'm not going to keep beating a dead horse.. Or in other words, touch a subject that died a long time ago. After I said that he calmed down. But I don't get it why bring him in any argument we have?? I mean seriously is he trying to make me stop a friendship that has been there since before he existed? Another guilt of mine is that I lied to both of them, by telling both of them that I stopped talking to both of them basically, get me? (Basically I told 1 that I stopped talking to the other and vice versa.) I was so sick of being in the middle of there crap that I had to. So the guy I'm talking with right now believes that at the moment I'm not talking to my friend and my friend thinks of the same. I don't know how to tell either of them that I'm still talking to 1 of them? So my questions are basically why is the LD guy always bringing up my friend in an argument between us? And how do I let each of them know that I am still communicating with the other? I have a huge plate sitting in front of me !
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best friend, his ex, jealous, long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2014): Lying is manipulating people against their will for your purposes. You seem very willing to do this. So what if the relationship might not have lasted, or if two people would probably never meet? You are so totally comfortable and guilt-free about lying that you need a specific reason not to do it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's true, why lie about something that seems to be nothing? So I did lie and I am paying the consequences. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to justify or give reason as to why I did what I did but to be brutally honest I didn't think this LD guy was going to last that long. You know cause do you really expect someone who lives 5 hours away from you or anyone In general that you first met to be in your life forever? Not really.. Ok so watch the attitude and hold the ugly tongue you have ;).
I understand completely what I did but I mean seriously they don't even know each other which is why I don't see it a problem. So when he didn't say anything about living with a cheating ex gf or having communication with her knowing that all she wanted was for him to live with him again and saying 'I love you' just to reel him in. Is it me or do I see that we are both even. The only difference is that I don't bring her up in any argument we have. I didn't give a full story b/c I was only asking as to how to reverse this or just say the flat out truth.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): When you really don't expect something to matter, do you lie about it? No.
You must have sensed that the truth about your ex might matter to your LDR so that's why you lied about it.
It's difficult enough to solve problems when you lie to everyone else. It's impossible when you are lying to yourself too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): You're tired of being in the middle of their crap?! That's rich! You were the one who brought the friend's opinions of him into the picture in the first place like a complete moron.To be honest I don't think you will get past this as you don't see eachother in person enough to mamke this work and his insecurities about this guy feeding you shit about him will not die down.
Also it's stupid that you told your friend that you're not communicating with your boyfriend, do you enjoy making situations more difficult and unnecessarily dramatic ;).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I am totally aware of the whole hiding one another and just building lie after lie. I hid the whole part of my ex being my best friend b/c I really didn't think it mattered. But apparently it does to some people. I mean me and my ex never kissed or anything affection. Which is why we both broke up mutually since at the end we just saw each other as friends. I've said this too many times with the LD guy and yes I have been thinking of leaving since I've been thinking so hard about him even being in my future and I would just be lying to myself if I say I see him in my future when he moves a lot because of his work.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 September 2014):
 He is angry because you lied and as long as your ex is still hovering in the background, he doesn't want to talk to you anymore. I can get hiding this ex from him, but I don't get hiding this friend from your ex/brother. Your ld guy has trust issues because the probability of the other guy getting with you is not zero. He can't stop this friendship since 8th grade but he won't be happy when he doesn't feel like a priority of yours. Both of the friendships feel safe to you because they keep from going deeper and getting hurt. You know neither of them is going anywhere. The downside is that you feel exhausted from keeping the truth. First you have to accept that you may have to lose both guys. The LD relationship may never become local and your ex may not prove to you he's trustworthy but at least you keep a friend. It's a better to lose the LD guy. When you are ready for a serious relationship don't be surprised that a boyfriend doesn't like you talking to a guy friend 24/7. Guys like to feel special.
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