A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i m in committed ldr relation since 2 years.lately i have realised that the things have changed.my bf has stopped paying attention.he doesn't wish me gm, neither he texts me. At the night he calls only if i will msg him something.he was telling me that am getting overpossesive.he wants to go alone with female friend to movies,lunch and dinner.i didnt allow and he said it wont make our relation healthy.i trust him and i know he wont do anything wrong but still i dont feel comfortable.does that mean im overpossesive?what to do so that my bf will text me,communicate with me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (28 May 2011):
Hi. As upsetting as it probably is for you I'm sure, maybe this really is for the highest good of all concerned.
Remember that everything in life happens for a reason. It's not a coincidence or a mistake, at all. What happens, is meant to happen.
What we take from each experience, we learn from it about ourselves, people and life, and it moves us forward to a better place.
Best wishes and take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe said he will not me this year,we had fights and we broke up:(
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (23 May 2011):
Hello again. That's a really good idea that you are going to see each other soon. You will then see what you've both been missing!
All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey people, we will meet after few months i guess. This is because we have to meet secretly and he is just a college student so he cant afford now.We are still trying, lets see what happens. Anyways thanks for your suggestions.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (20 May 2011):
Hello again. As "adamantine" has mentioned, and is herself in an LDR also, I believe it would be a good idea to visit that website she mentioned.
lovingfromadistance.com
It's certainly worth considering.
Visit it anyway, and just see what people are all saying about their personal experiences with LDR's, and you will probably find some helpful information I'm sure.
In the end though, the final decision about your LDR, is really up to you, and only you.
You are already having doubts about it now, because of your boyfriend's actions of late, so before making up your mind, visit that LDR website above, and see how other people cope with the challeges involved.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Hello,
I'm afraid it's time to call things off. You are both too far away. You will only do your head in by worrying and thinking about what's going on and what isn't. Time to call it a day and then move on. no one's fault, just distance and no plans set up to meet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Hi!
Yes Id say this is finished. Im sorry to inform that. He has become disinterested and maybe frustrated with the distance, hence the reason he's taking other girls out. Thats not anyones fault, its the situation. It is what can happen.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Sorry, but then it's not a relationship, it's fantasy.
You saw him 6 months ago, and have no idea when you'll meet again. How long can you keep this up ?...
Have you got any realistic, workable plan to be reunited within a reasonable time frame ( like,one more year or soO ) , or it's just " with the will of God, one day we'll be together "?
LDRs can only work if they are temporary , with a clear project , and a clear expiration date ( and of course, with the possibility to meet up in person more often than every 6 months ! ). Otherwise, it's just daydreaming, and very often one comes back to planet Earth sooner than the other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe is 2200 miles away,different state.its been 6 months since we have met.we dont know when we will meet.
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (17 May 2011):
Hello,
I don't know how long your distance is? 50 miles? 200 miles?
Do you meet up regularly? Once a month?
It seems this LDR has run it's course. He seems as if he has drifted away from it. No one's fault really, just distance and not meeting up etc. Even if you won't let him take other girls out, he will still do it as you wouldn't know. The problem is his change in as much as he has stopped paying attention to you. He may be with other girls or just gradually leaving the LDR. I believe you need to communicate as soon as possible and talk through things. How far is the distance between you in miles? Thank you.
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (17 May 2011):
 I disagree with Dorothy Dix in saying that you need to see each other at least once a week.
I think at least having some form of communication, most common form being a phone call, is the best way to keep the relationship going.
I think its wrong that your boyfriend is taking out a female on dates while being in a relationship. When you're committed to someone, it's them and only them, and you will stay away from that kind of behaviour. For him to say that its unhealthy that you're complaining about it, is shifting the focus away from his actions and putting the blame on you.
Its okay to feel jealous/protective of your partner if you are not there with them, but you are not overpossessive.
I think you and him need to talk and lay down some clear rules/boundaries that you can/cannot cross so that you're both on the same page.
I am in an LDR myself, and I found a website about a year ago called lovingfromadistance.com. If you visit the forum/community there, there's many people who are in the same situation as yourself who may be able to offer some insight to your problems.
Best of luck.
There are many people in LDR's like yourself. I
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (17 May 2011):
Hi there. Well it really depends on how long a distance your relationship is.
(1) Are you in the same country?
(2) Different states?
How long does it take to go to see the other - is it a few hours drive, or a long jet flight?
Although you have called it a committed relationship, you really need to be doing a lot more than just texting each other.
For any relationship to succeed, you need to be able to see each other - in person - at least once a week, so you can go out together, do stuff together, and just be in each other's company.
If you aren't doing this, well it does sound like maybe your LDR is fading away altogether.
This is the main problem with LDR's, as it's a very lonely way to exist. Lonely for both of you. A lot of absenteeism generally, because of the distance.
Two years is a long time to continue with a Long Distance Relationship.
There does seem to be trouble abrewing - at least at your boyfriend's end anyway.
It sounds like he's tiring of it. The text messages not being answered is a likely sympton.
He's apparently not happy - and nor are you.
He wants more, and so do you. It's decision time.
It might be time to move on. It looks like it has run it's course.
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