A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I know I'm young, but I'm in love. My situation: I am 19 and in love with two young women. They are both 18. So let's call girl 1 Lisa and call girl 2 Tina. Lisa (girl 1) and I dated for a little over a year with the addition of a few months. I had been knowing her since for about 2 years and I am deeply deeply in love with her. I recently broke up with her because of Tina (girl 2) which I have grown up loving pretty much. Tina and I had never been in a relationship but always dreamed of being in one. We were always close friends, nothing more and had been talking on and off, (keeping communication) but were split early while knowing each other due to her moving away. So what we wanted never flourished. Recently we just started talking and we confessed our love deeply for each other. We told each other "we are in love". It became more than what we thought. She now has a daughter and lives in another state. She also has an abusive boyfriend (father of her daughter) that shes willing to leave at the drop of a dime. She has unconditional feelings, she pleads and I believe her so I wanted to give her a chance... Ever since then, my feelings had been shaky about Lisa so I decided to tell her all of this and seek a solution. I truly love Lisa and know I do because I wouldn't have so many second guesses. I wanna do the right thing and need help in doing so. Am I wrong for leaving the faithful girlfriend I had for only two years that's been with through hell or give the love of my life a chance that I've been knowing for 7 years that also has a child and is distant. Btw, Lisa is within arms reach. Forgive me if I left out any details. I'm rushing to type this as I am feeling very tedious about my decisions and what's best for us all. I will answer anything else necessary as answers roll along, THANKS!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much for the answers! You've really helped me a lot with my decision! If you would like to know, I chose to apologize to Lisa and we're now back together. Tina and I have made resolved the feelings and decided that us being together isn't best! So everybody is good.
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Yeah, i would really wonder why NOW is the time Tina is ready to come to you. She has a kid, and isn't brave enough to leave this abusive boyfriend unless she has an escape net (someone like you.)
I've had something similar happen to me a couple of times in my life. They never appreciate the "nice" guys until they wind up stuck in a no-win situation with a loser for a husband/bf and a kid to look after. They're trapped, and suddenly anyone showing them compassion is "a way out".
Is it possible that she REALLY has discovered her love for you? Sure. It kinda stinks that it would take a horrible situation like the one she is in to find it, though.
Then again, you have what sounds like a great girl staring you in the face.
If you're gambler, you can try things with Tina. But i always remember the immortal line: never pass up a good thing.
Sounds like you have a good thing with Lisa. I guess you have to ask yourself who you TRULY love. Lisa or Tina? The one reason I would pass on Lisa is if, in your heart, you truly do love Tina more. At that stage it isn't fair to Lisa for you to continue to be with her when there will always be this other lingering love.. Especially if you continue talking to Tina.
If you pick Lisa, I would say you should really stop talking to Tina.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Only you can make this decision, but here's a few things to consider.
You say that you are "deeply, deeply in love with Lisa", who has been faithful to you, yet you broke up with her for this other girl Tina.
Now why is that? Do you really think Tina is better for you than Lisa? Or do you think that maybe over the 7 years of knowing Tina that maybe you've started to idealize her a little bit? She's always been the "unattainable" girl to you and that tension and longing desire is maybe what makes her so appealing to you... not because she's better for you than Lisa.
When the unattainable becomes attainable- it may be a rush of excitement at first, but it CAN be short lived. Let me put it this way... if you dangle a string just out of reach of a cat, it'll go mental trying to catch it... but drop that piece of string to the floor and the cat will poke it a few times, get bored of it and walk off.
Also you have to wonder whether she wants to be with you for YOU and how much her getting away from her abusive boyfriend is influencing her decision... and whilst she may indeed love you, it's DEFINITELY influencing her. Why now? Why did she not want to be with you so badly during the 7 years that you've known each other? Does she just want a nice guy who'll take on the father role now that she has a kid?
However at the end of the day- the heart wants what the heart wants so no judgement here, but if you ask me, if you are "deeply, deeply in love" with Lisa... it's a no-brainer...
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