A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I found out on Wednesday that my husband left me and took the kids to move in with his lover, who's 35 and a dominatrix.The note read "I've gone, aint not coming back because youre not the personn I fell in love with and Ive taken the kids jenna and sarah and theyre with me and jacqui now. Aint coming back aint coming back and YOURE NOT THE MOM, Jacqui is! U live in unsanitary conditions and youre gonna be a scrubber in 10-15 years wearing a sweaty sports bra begging for handouts from the guvment of Canada. Been with Jacqui the dominatrix since 2017 and we're TOGETHER OFFICIALLY. FUUUUUCK YOUUUUU. I AM THE MAN! I AM THE MAN!! YOUUUUU DONT KNOW ME!!! YOUUUU ARE NO LONGER THE SWEET ALBERTAN CUOUNTRY GIRL I MARRIED, YOURE AN OBESE SPORTS BRA WEARING ADDICCCCT. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, WE'RE TOGETHAAAAA 4REST OF LIFE"It was handwritten and the note was covered in salsa and grease and there were remains of potato chips around it.I'd been out that day, since my job is one that can't be done from home, I have to travel around doing maintenance work on machinery etc. (hired to do so for various clients).I'd had no idea my husband had an affair with a dominatrix, and nothing made me suspicious.I called the cops and they're slowly investigating this.I wonder why my husband had done this, and also, a dominatrix of all people.The note claiming she was a better mom hit me hard, emotionally; how the fuck could she be a better mom?Won't social services have to get involved?I really thought we had it good, I'm a mom to two 8-year-old non-identical twins, Jenna and Sarah (names changed for anonymity).I've got the practical side sorted out so far; police investigating.It's the emotional side, how to deal with the rush of emotions.My sister's my only real support, but she's a party girl who has no kids, yet despite that she's in a loving relationship.I don't know whether it'd be extenuating circumstances to meet up with my sister as Zoom probably cant provide the physical closeness, even if it breaks social distancing.Mom and Dad moved to LA (Dad's job took him there) and they've been in LA for 8 years now. They're now US citizens (well, Dad was one from birth anyway, but identifies as Canadian) and they're not likely to move back to Canada any time soon. I can't fly out and see them.What I need is advice on how to cope, as I've been without my kids for 4 days now, and am really missing them.I tried contacting my husband via social media, but no replies to any Facebook messages; I even asked my best friend Maddie to contact him, but no reply.This dominatrix who's the other woman is quite well-known in our town amongst "the scene" in the area.I think my husband's been irresponsible and an idiot.I'm worrying about stress and my mental health, I'm a mom-of-two and I've no idea when or if I'll get my kids back.Surely this refuge in audacity means my husband can't/won't get custody of the kids and can never see them again?He took them from Toronto to another town that's 40 miles away where this woman lives.What should i do now and how can I cope with this emotionally?Really need some help.
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female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (22 April 2021):
Why are the police investigating "slowly"? I mean, if your post is true (and you haven't left important information out of your post) this is a case of child ABDUCTION and the police should be investigating at a national/federal level. Did you tell the police about the abusive note and the fact that this woman is a dominatrix?
You ask whether social services should be involved? YES! The police should have informed child protective services the minute they realised they were dealing with a child abduction case. I'm surprised you hadn't already been interviewed by them when you first posted.
As for support for yourself, I'm inclined to agree with Code Warrior who says that most parents wouldn't have time for their own feelings while their kids are still missing - they're usually too busy with the police investigation and social services. But the police should have offered you a referral to victim support services as you are the victim of a serious crime. And you can ask for this at any time. Just phone up your police liaison officer and ask to be referred. And ask your liaison officer if it's okay for you to have a visit from your sister.
I'm also inclined to agree with the anonymous poster that this post seems like a hoax. I can't believe that Canadian police would be so sloppy and you seem way too relaxed. And we've has way too many underwear and junk food related posts recently to make me take this too seriously
Find something else to write fake posts about - child abduction isn't funny.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2021): Lawyer-up and prepare for a custody battle.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2021): What kind of a town has a dominatrix as part of the scene who is well known OP?Where does this woman live in the GTA? Hamilton, Burlington, Oakville, Pickering, Ajax, Oshawa, Kitchener? Up north?Was she servicing clients in Toronto? Why move away from her area of business? Surely out in the boonies there would not be very many sources of income for her?What she had with your husband was a business transaction. A fantasy. These two will not last in REAL LIFE. After the dominatrix fantasy wears off (and I just DON'T GET THAT AT ALL!!!) they will be done. Women like her do not make good wives or partners. And men who are so delusional and living out in la la land like him do not make good husbands. The pair of them will implode. I feel sorry for your children, being caught in the middle of this. And having to have any association with a woman like that. Can't be good for their psyche. Or their development. And to have a jerk of a father who is exposing them to all this BULLSHIT because he is such an ASSHOLE. Double whammy.That is IF YOUR POST IS REAL. I am not convinced because there are inconsistencies.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (13 April 2021):
 Definitely call a lawyer.
He can't just "take" the kids. And you have no idea if your kids are safe with him (sounds unhinged).
Skype or video call your parents if you need someone to talk to. Check your bank records as well. You might want to consider having a new bank account for YOU income alone so he can't take any of the money YOU make. But again, TALK to a lawyer.
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