A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid. I told my husband I'm no longer in love with him. We have been married for 11 years. I have lost total interest in him. He is so hurt by this that I am willing to work things out. I care for his well being tremendously. He is constantly texting love quotes and wishing I give him the same passion in return. He is so depressed and lost as so am I. I don't want to pretend or fake anything. How can I deal with this without hurting him further. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2014): I wonder if those who condemn you and call you harsh have ever been in this situation. Personally , I have and after two years of agonising , I realised that the only way he would ever truly accept a split was if I were honest like you were and told him the truth.. That my love for him was gone! Like you, I cared deeply for him and yet he was a very clingy and emotional person. Not soft approach was going to work and I knew it.
Sometimes honesty is the only way that the other person with actually acknowledge and accept that we are serious and need the split . I feel it is unfair of anyone to judge you unless they have walked in your shoes . Good luck with your future . I'm sure both you and he will have happier outcomes as a result of your inner strength and courage
A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (12 September 2014):
 You only live once and deserve to be happy. You have the right to leave him and nobody should judge you on that.
It's telling him that you don't love him and then continue to stay with him that makes it cruel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your response. It's a wake up for me to see how others view my situation. I don't mean to be cruel but me being dishonest with myself makes matters worse and unfair to him.
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen +, writes (12 September 2014):
Leave him.
Your not doing him any favors by staying with him when you already told him you don't love him.
Telling him that was harsh and a kick to the gut. Staying with him now is just plain cruel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2014): You kick the guy in the balls; because you don't want to fake anything? Why didn't you just cut out his heart?
That's how a cold-blooded narcissist might do it. I don't think you meant your delivery to come across that way, did you?
It was as if you just wanted to completely gut him before you decided to leave him. Was that to be sure he was emotionally destroyed; to leave a permanent mark?
It is likely that as things turn out, someone who is more appreciative of his type will come along; and he will see that love wasn't truly wasted. It was put in the bank to gain interest; until the most deserving person came along.
There was a more compassionate and humane way to get the point across.
Divorce him. Allow him to find someone else who knows what to do with that unused affection you've disposed of.
He deserves love more than your pity. Don't force yourself to remain where you're so unhappy.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (11 September 2014):
 feelings come and go, our feelings are no gauge to commit on. you can fall in love, you can fall out of love. saying that is basing on feelings.
love is so much deeper. love is a commitment, even when we do not feel like we are "in love". love is being there for the other person weather they deserve it or not. love is giving of your self even without expecting anything in return.
if you have feelings for someone you may have just met, the new will wear off. when the new has become the everyday you will then see what you may have lost and given up.
you will have to decide weather to throwaway what you have based on feeling, or build on the foundation of love and commitment.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 September 2014):
 You care for his well-being yet told him that you are no longer in love with him and have lost total interest in him. Wow. That's amazing.
You say you are willing to work things out because he is so hurt by this news.
You also don't want to pretend or fake anything.
Does your relationship exist beyond the texting of love quotes?
I ask because there are many posts here from people who are involved in texting relationships which have no basis in reality.
How can you deal with this without hurting him further? Decide if you are going to try to reconnect with him or not. If not, end the relationship right now.
You will hurt him either way.
You don't sound very invested in this marriage so I'm wondering if it wouldn't be best to just end the marriage as soon as possible.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 September 2014):
 I agr with sageoldguy-best to rip the bandaid off as quickly as possible. File for divorce and let himget on with your new life. He'll recover from it faster than you will sice he won't carry any guilt that way. Too bad, I feel bad for you both but oh well, there are lots of fish in the sea.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 September 2014):
 IF you've really "fallen out of love" with him.... then it will be far more merciful for you to complete the break (up) than it will be for you to prolong the agony (for BOTH OF YOU) by staying on out of pity.....
You're both adults.... and will end up "landing on your feet"..... It just takes an unpleasant while.....
Good luck....
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