A
female
age
41-50,
*hrisWang
writes:Am married for 5years,am having a son of 4years and and within a month am expect our second child.my husband has been always faithful to me.he shares with me everything and it hard for us two to keep secret for each other.In our house we have a girl who is a guest for a while.two days ago my husband disclosed to me that he had kissed the girl two times since last last.He also wanted to have sex with her but this didn't happen.I feel so much stressed about this.I took time to talk about this with the girl and my husband but still is hurting me.I need advice because I want to continue with my husband,I also do not want to send the girl away because she is frequently our guest. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, the.archer  +, writes (17 September 2008):
Get her out fast!! also try to speak to him and find out why he thought he needed to do this...
A
female
reader, chrisWang +, writes (16 September 2008):
chrisWang is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn august 18th I deliverd a baby girl.am happy for her after my husband cheated me during my pregnancy.we talked about this issue and I decided to give him another chance,I felt not good to ask him for divorce for it could bring more pain and stress in my heart.
I have been having alot of stress,sleepless nights,often pains in one part of head,when I think about what my husband did to me.how can I work it out .......
sometimes am just wondering why are men totally different than women? how Can a man love two women at the same time??
He cleared with the other woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): I second that you'll have to cut off all contact with your female guest. Unless of course you prefer her visits to staying married.
Meanwhile, you and your husband need to get counseling to address the underlying problems of why he's vulnerable to an affair.
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A
female
reader, confusedinkent  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Hiya,
unfortunately I dont think you have any choice but to cut all contact with this guest. its the only way you will be able to continue your relationship with your husband. Everyone is allowed to make a few mistakes, and hes been decent enought to tell you that they kissed. I think its worth trying to save your marriage, but you need to take this other woman out of your lives for good.
hope I have helped.
xx
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 If you have made the decision to try to work things out with your husband the first thing would be to get rid of the other woman - there is NO WAY that you can even begin to work on your marriage/ rebuild trust and closeness if this "guest" is anywhere near you or your husband. She must be erased from both your lives...for good. There is no other option here.
Secondly - there are obviously 'issues' that have lead your husband to be unfaithful to you. You both need to explore what these could be. It may be solely about him (eg: mid life crisis, need for a thrill) or it may be because of issues within your relationship...unless you can identify and then work on these issues it might not be too long before he is tempted to stray again!
It is a good sign that your husband has told you about his 'mistakes' and discussed his behaviour/feelings etc - this indicates to me he does care about you, your marriage, your family...and realises he needs to do something now to make sure he doesn't throw that all away. Only YOU can decide if you give him a second chance.
I cannot think how difficult this has been - you have a baby on the way and a small child to deal with - I imagine you have little time to focus on yourself and what you're going through...but you need to try and work out how you can give yourself some time/space to think.
Do you think your husband would be willing to see a relationship counsellor with you?? It might be a good place to start.
Take care of you...take each day at a time if you need to. Expect some bad days, and some better days...this will all take time.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (2 July 2008):
 A kiss or two doesn't have to be the end of the world, and nor does the desire to have sex. There are very, very few men (if any) who never have the desire to have sex with another woman at some point during a marriage. Actually doing it is quite another matter.It really seems sensible to avoid having the girl stay in your house. Even if you have sorted it out with her and with your husband, and you can be reasonably confident it's not going to happen again, it would be crazy to leave them the temptation and opportunity.It seems a pity that the girl should take the blame, because it's your husband who really should have known better than to be so foolish. I hope it was a one-off, and that there's no underlying problem. From the way you describe the situation I would think that is the case, and you've done well to manage to stay as calm as you have and not to over-react. In my view, it's much better to sort these things out - if they can be sorted out - than to take a course of action that starts breaking up relationships that can and should continue without any further problem.Good luck in the future - and keep a careful eye on that husband of yours to make sure he's behaving himself.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Definitely pack her bags and don't invite her back. She has shown you the epitome of disrespect. Your husband as well. Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he pulls this stunt again, you'll be packing HIS bags.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Send the girl away and send your husband to court for a divorce once a cheat always a cheat they say and i think it's true, once you forgive them the worst has gone for them and they think it's ok to do it again.
He will carry on doing it and they will probably end up in bed together it hurts im going through a similar situation and it's killing me. The best thing to do is have some time on your own to think through propperly what you are going to do.
Good luck hun x
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