A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My husband of 12 years cheated on me twice last year and we have been trying to rebuild our relationship ever since. Tonight (a year later) is the first night he has gone out alone with mates and I am shocked how little I trust him. Even though he has sworn never to stray again I just don't believe him because he said that after the first time and strayed again months later. I think our relationship has gone to pot because of this, he gets irritated with me because I don't really want sex now but I think about his infidelity EVERY day. Is there no hope for us anymore? I am reluctant to leave because of our 4 children and I care about the impact on them as I come from a broken home (you guessed it a playboy father) and because he threated to commit suicide when I dumped him after the 2nd affair. I took him back because I was in such an impossible situation, but its the lack of faith in him that is killing me now and I'm crying all the time, getting drunk and I know he is making me unhappy. I am so confused I just don't know what to do. Help!
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affair, cheated on me, drunk, infidelity Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): i dont know if you go to church but if you dont start a bible believing church that really helped me through my own personal time when my husband cheated on me with my best friend. I have been married 8 years with 2 kids and my husband liked my best friend she was so mad he went to her house a couple of times and forced her to have sex with him. after that she stopped talking to me and stopped coming to my house my kids missed her and something just told me that was what happened and i confronted both of them and she burst into tears. we are still friends and i am still married to my husband and i must tell you its rough but with Christ it is possiblem. Hold on to GOD he really makes the difference. wish you all the best and i know you can work on it
A
male
reader, wildman  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 I think it is time to dump him. Two screwups for him is unacceptable. He will not change. good luck
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (13 June 2008):
 This is something I say time and time again, taking a cheating husband back is one thing, forgetting the infidelity and the hurt it caused you is another....
You have decided to give him a second chance and now you find the insecurity that the affair left you with really kicking in, because you have to trust him to some degree. It is not easy, you cannot know what hes doing 24/7, it will be a test for your relationship, having to wait and see if he has learned his lesson and will not stray again, hoping against hope that your life will not be thrown in turmoil again.
There is no saying that he will cheat again, you can only try to move on from it, put it in the past where it belongs now and not let it continue eat away at you day after day.
Have you had all the questions that you asked yourself at the time answered, or were there a lot of thing left unsaid, emotions brushed under the carpet and not dealt with? If so you really need to tell him how insecure the affairs left you feeling and to have any concerns you may have for the future out in the open and laid bare.
It sounds like although you took your husband back, you are now wondering if you made the right decision for yourself, it's one thing keeping the family together, and saving your marriage for the kids, but some people are left feeling they have been dealt a pretty rough deal, as it's sometimes harder to get things back to normal for the one that's been dumped on than the dumper, if you know what I mean.
I would chill out if I was you and take things at face value for now, but make a resolution to yourself to never accept it again should it happen, and if it does get out of the marriage and stay out, no matter what!
Who know's he may have learnt his lesson and you are fretting for nothing.....I certainly hope so for your sake!
Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): wow, i'm shocked that someone else has almost the same situation as me. i'm trying to figure out what to do myself. have you tried expressing your feelings? and as far as leaving him goes, if he makes you unhappy to the point where you just drink, cry, and feel unhappy all the time, then it's time to go. if your children see how he hurts you then maybe they will understand that it's better off. and as for him being suicidal... if he doesn't care about you enough to make you happy and stick with just you, then odds are he only cares about himself. If that is the case then someone so vain could never harm themselves. and even if he did, don't hold that over your head. it's his fault you would leave in the first place. maybe this is too harsh but perhaps it's what he deserves.
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A
female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (13 June 2008):
well I understand you have four kids... but your kids will suffer more seeing how their father's infidelities take their tole on you...your drinking & crying all the time is worst for them than watching you leave & possibly be happy... I'm sure you are a great mother so put your kids first in any decision you make... do you still love your husband? is this worth working out? if so, I suggest maybe counseling & better communication between both of you... ask him what was lacking in your marriage (if anything) to make him go astray...even though there is no excuse for cheating I believe that you should take everything that is in you & learn to forgive not for him for you it will help you heal...i mean you decided to stay so try & make the best of this situation if this is where you truly want to be...if you decide to stay forgive... forgive regardless...but know that your kids should be #1 priority for you & your hubby....& know that this wound is fresh it won't heal over nite its going to take time... & he owes you... he needs to work hard @ gaining your trust again though you are never going to fully trust him again...good luck!
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